Jews In The News: More Stuff from The War in Iran and Mamdani

As Tisha BAv is upon us, going over the news from the past few months should get us in the right mood. During the Three Weeks of mourning, we’ve been listening to a lot of JNS news, to keep us down. Here’s some stuff to remind us tradition is alive and the blood libels are still there.
Here is what we learned over the past months. It’s a lot. This is going to be a long one, so put on your Yarmulkes.
​It turns out people still hate us. Thought you should know that.

Ceasefire called again. So, shooting ramped up. Ceasefires are very dangerous. 
We believe that was a ceasefire on the ceasefire. And that makes sense to JD Vance.
When dealing with the IRGC and Hezbollah, you need to stop what you have stopped doing already. JD Vance explained this on the Joe Rogan podcast. It's very normal and it makes sense to him.
Who's to blame for ceasefire violence? Jews. They didn't break it, but they're Jews.

There’s a Fatwa on everybody. I thought there was already a Fatwa. But this is another Fatwa. As we learned from Gaza, people can die more than once. So you need more Fatwas. To quote, “There's a consensus. You can never die too many times.”
 
UAE seems to be with Israel. For some reason, they like the idea of life and economy.
 
New York Times reports that Israel is training terrorist dogs to rape people. False news. Israel has never trained any Gazans. And the New York Times doesn't retract the statement, and we're offended. To call Palestinians dogs is wrong.
And nobody batted an eye. It appears dogs raping people is a normal thing. There's a raping breed. We're still bothered they didn't report on the new spy sharks Israel has been training to rape swimmers . And the field mice Israel is training to infest people's homes. And what about the spiders and ants Israel has wrought on Gaza.

Bullying Jews and attacking Jews in New York is rampant. At least Mamdani lived up to his campaign promises.
 
People are still complaining about 3.8 billion dollars funding to Israel for military equipment. That’s nothing. Ask Mamdani what 3.8 billion dollars is in a budget, and how many shuls can be attacked with it.
JD Vance is complaining too. And he hasn't talked with Tucker Carlson in years.
Many in Israel don't want the funding. And that is the first recorded time in history that Jews are saying no to money. And we are starting to get this antisemitic thing down.

Another ceasefire. Wait. Iran broke it. But America is the ones who broke it.
Let us explain how international law works. It doesn’t make a difference who breaks the ceasefire first. If you break it second, you’re to blame. The International Criminal Court will hopefully get these evil regimes who break ceasefires after they've been shot at. JD Vance will explain it to you. To quote, "As long as they hate the Jews too."

Mamdani refuses to go to Israel Day Parade, giving the Jewish community at least something to celebrate.
He made it clear that he only supports countries that support rape and murder of their citizens.

Somebody used the saying, "No Jews, no news," like they came up with a unique idea. Like they created it.
 
Trump says he's going to wipe out the IRGC civilization. Causes uproar. Americans are not happy with this statement. IRGC says they're going to wipe out and kill all Americans. Americans support it.
It's all Israel's fault.

Wait. Another ceasefire. Shoot. They broke it.

Still haven't seen the new Ayatollah. Which means he's alive.
 
We would stop here, but there is a lot more Jew hatred to get through.

Any genocide ever done was Jews. Armenian genocide. That was the Jews. Sudan. The Jews. Jiffy Lube genociding people, charging full price on oil changes. Jews. Spanish Inquisition. The Jews did that.
People in America and Europe are mad that Israel is defending itself. To quote: "It's so much harder to kill these people when they defend themselves." Response to quote: "That's a genocide." 

You can't say you're against the IRGC, Hamas or Hezbollah. It's racist. Saying you're against terrorism is blatant racism. You're not allowed to converse and have conversation. Conversation is racist.
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Italy wants to take military action against Israel, as they didn’t kill enough Jews during the Inquisition. Spain gets involved too. To quote, "You can't have an Inquisition without us." Some German and Polish politicians don't want to be left out. "We did what we could during the Holocaust, where the Jews were committing genocide." IT'S THE JEWS!!!!
I'm beginning to understand what genocide means. It has something to do with supporting Jewish right to live.
 
Lebanon and Israel sign a peace treaty. Lebanon is trying to figure what that means. “Who has to follow this?!”
Peace is a very offensive word. Only used by genocidal racists.

Iran executes its people. Including wrestler. It's the Jews fault. JD Vance said it’s because of Israel. Jews are genocidal executioners. Might as well. That Abby Martin woman has it down. She knows how to express Jew hate.
 
Flotilla comes to Gaza again. They won’t stop with these vacation ideas. How Gaza became the number one destination for these cruise ships is an anomaly we can’t figure out. Tourism in Gaza must be peaking. Other tour guides in Israel are out of business.
Whoever the tour company is that’s spreading this Gaza Experience is truly bait and switching these people. Personally. We would suggest Jerusalem, Chevron, Nazareth. The ancient sites. Maybe get Tel Aviv in there for the beach. Maybe go for a swim to Gaza to do some spying.
The people on the Flotilla came to spread peace and love to the Gazans. Bringing drugs, condoms, and cheers of “Death to America. Death to Israel.”
Israel gets in trouble for not letting the Flotilla in. New policy that people are fighting for is the idea that countries should only allow people that hate them in. Americans have been working real hard on enforcing this policy in their country.
 
Somehow, Gaza is still a topic. And every citizen of Gaza is a journalist.

Democrats support their candidate with a Nazi tattoo. It turns out that having a Nazi tattoo means you’re against Nazis. Bernie Sanders fully understands this. The real problem is Donald Trump.
 
And more Jews got beat up. Thought we would throw that in as a pick-me-up. 
 
Trump suggests Syria deal with Hezbollah. You need somebody in there that's going to attack Israel.
 
Displaced Lebanese is a problem. Displaced Israelis is not a problem. Another pick-me-up.

They don't understand why Israel attacks people who are shooting at them. Israel. A bunch of ceasefire breakers. Shooting back.
Are these people idiots?! These people that are talking want us gone. It's clear these people are all lying. Trying to come up with anything to get rid of Jews. Another pick-me-up.
 
Kill Jews is now something you’re allowed to say you want to do. It’s fine. As long as you’re not against terrorism.
Guy in LA got one year in jail for killing a Jew at a protest. Many people were mad that he got one year. Did the jury not realize he killed a Jew?!
That’s dark. Hope that’s another pick-me-up for you.
That’s the end of the pick-me-up section this month. Now let’s talk about Turkey.
 
Wait. Turns out Turkey doesn't like us either. 
Turkey foreign minister said “A burden that humanity can no longer bear. A problem the world needs to solve.” What is the problem? Jews. If we have to explain, you’re probably a genocidal colonizing. We ran out of words to say. Abby Martin has it down. She can help you curse Jews.
 
Democrats have voted “we hate Jews.” That’s their platform this election.
They backed off from Nazi tattoo guy, once they realized he was associated with rape. To quote, "He did not rape Jews. And to this, we are very much against him." 
Mamdani is still around, so you know there are problems in New York.
To finish off the message for the Democrats, Rahm Emanuel came to Israel to let his Jewish brothers and sisters know how much he hates them. 


Seems to be the new talk. Nobody can stand Jews. Jews are annoying. Everybody hates them. Seems like all of these anti-Semites have been to our shul. A bunch of members of our synagogue. We as a people have to stop taking our board meetings public.

Katz’s deli bans Mamdani. Hit them where it hurts. No pastrami on rye. That’s how you get them. And people say the Jews aren't fighting back.

A Fatwa was put out on Donald Trump. He wasn't included in the Fatwa on everybody.
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Lindsey Graham passed away and left-wing people celebrate it, because he stood for peace and a great America. And that is racist.

JD Vance makes it clear that he hates Israel again. He’s extremely bothered that he has to keep on saying this. He wants everybody to know he hates Jews.  
Apparently, Israelis want to keep the war going indefinitely. Israelis love being attacked. And the reason this MOU, which Iran agreed to and did not follow through with, did not work, is because of Israel. Thought we would end on a pick-me-up.
Marco Rubio makes sense. So, we have nothing to say about him.

Conclusion
The Jews did it. Turns out we perpetrated the Spanish Inquisition and the Holocaust. Ask Candace Owens. And we are behind dog racing. Didn’t want to leave out Candace.
 
Jews will be blamed for whatever other people do. Which is why Rachel stops people who are drinking too much alcohol. She's driving home, she doesn't want to be caught for somebody else drinking and driving.

We counted eighty-four ceasefires. Ceasefires are very dangerous. That's when you have to watch yourself.

People truly hate us. And others are starting to believe them. And that is what is called politics.
This JNS TV stuff is a real downer. This proJewish news stuff can truly bring Jews down. We have to start watching more antisemitic news outlets to feel better about ourselves as Jews. As our grandfathers asked their friend reading Jew hating newspaper, “Why do you read Pravda?” “I read the Forward and we’re dying. They’re all trying to kill us. I read Pravda. We’re running the banks. We run the newspapers. We run the world. I feel better.”

Lindsey Graham, a man who stood for truth, justice and peace, should have an Aliyas Nishama, an ascendance of the soul. We hope that's not considered racist.

This is all messed up. This is all bizarre. How people are going for this Jew and Israel hate stuff. We hope this news is a good pick-me-up.
May this be a Tzom Moeel. And may we witness the redemption. We hope that’s not a genocidal thing to say.