Jewish Puns XXXVI: Mordechai’s Shivim Punim LaTorah

by Mordechai Stein

They put a goat on his van. They wanted him to go to the Temple with a Kar-Ban. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Car. Kar-Ban. Not a car bomb. Silly. A Kar-Ban. A Karban is a sacrifice. H’ didn’t want car bombs to be brought on Pesach. Dual language puns are necessary for the fabric of our people. It wasn't a Paskal goat or Kar-bon. Nor was it carbon goatoxide that was being brought as a sacrifice. And that is another Karban pun. Todah Rabbah. Todah Rabbah is not a pun, just saying "thank you." Want to be clear.

If somebody at the Seder tells you the salt water is low in sodium, take it with a grain of salt. (Mordechai)
You get it? Salt has sodium. So, take more salt. Whatever you need to do to make the Seder more meaningful, by making things harder to eat, do it. We bring our puns to add to your Passover experience. If you’re the one who made the salt water, you can share the joy of Mordechai’s pun, while handing someone a grain of salt. When delivering puns, always ask, “What would Mordechai do?” He would give a grain of salt to the guy who was complaining.
Oh. "Take it with a grain of salt" means "don't take it to heart." Now you get the pun. Should’ve started there.
 
The Torah gives a list of birds a Jew can’t eat. Why? Because they’re foul. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? The Torah is talking about fowl. As in birds. We changed it to foul. As in, smells bad or disgusting. Who would want to eat foul birds. Not healthy. And we care about health at the Kibbitzer. You also don’t want to eat nonKosher fowl, that’s foul.
 
They loved traveling to southern Israel Aylot. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Eilat. A lot. Eilat is the southernmost city in Israel. They liked going there a lot. “Eilat” and “a lot” sound the same. "Aylot" doesn't sound like either of them.
Aylot would be more of a pun about a lot of Lots. Maybe Lot went down to EIlat a lot for vacation when he was living in Sodom. We cannot verify that.

The rabbi told the Kahal (congregation) to give the donor Kavod. The donor yelled. “Don't. I haven't been vaccinated." (David Rubin)
You get it? COVID. Kavod means honor or respect. Kavod sounds like COVID, if you mumble it. You have to mumble a little to make this pun work.

What do people drink on the 33rd day of the Omer? A Lager. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Lager. Lag BOmer. Thirty-third day of Omer. Lag is a Hebrew acronym for thirty-three, in English. Nobody calls the holiday a Lager. We celebrate. Some drink. A lager is a style of beer. People might drink it on Lag BOmer. Not 100% sure. Lager has "Lag" in it. That works.
 
The kids were very loud, so their parents had them play Mom’s the Word. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Mum’s the Word. But mom wants silence. So, it’s Mom’s the Word. A game of silence, where Mom’s the only one who can talk. Moms love the game, and it makes Moms happy.

***Note: You've learned about the importance of clarity in puns. And always mumble if you're not sure the pun will work. Be sure to mumble the Lag BOmer Lager pun.
You learned about salt water and what to do with people who complain about it. Learned about Lot's possible vacation in Eilat. It's about education here at the Kibbitzer. And never give COVID to donors.