Jewish Puns XXXV: Mordechai’s Shivim Punim LaTorah

by Mordechai Stein

How do you know Jews ate cold food in the desert on Shabbis? If not, it would have been Hot-Manna. (Mordechai)
You get it? Manna. Hotmana. So many levels. Hotmana, insulating food in certain ways to ensure it's hot, is Asur, forbidden on Shabbat. It would have also been hot Manna So the desert Manna was cold. Halachik and Biblical understanding is essential for the full benefit of the pun. Yet, Manna is also a "course" in modern Hebrew. Which is why secular Israelis always have a cold salad on Shabbat, in addition to the BBQ. Now, we understand the pin in Modern Hebrew, Biblical, Halacha (Jewish law). Sometimes, explaining a joke makes it worse. However, when you explain it at length, it makes it better.
 
These guys learning at that Yeshiva in Bnei Brak never stop with their word jokes. Oh. Those Talmidim at Punivitch. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Pun. Punivitch is a Yeshiva in Bnei Brak. Pun is in the name. "Pun" and "Ivitch." No idea what "Ivitch" is, but it must be something in Yiddish. Talmidim are students. I know that's not a pun, unless if we're talking about tall students. Midim has the same root word as "Midot," even though Midim is not a word. Nonetheless, Midot means measurements. Measuring tall. Let's go on.
 
These love birds at shul, they both had such soft skin. They had so much Ahava. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Ahava is love. Ahava is a company that sells Dead Sea products like lotions. They had a lot of love and hand cream. Ahava can be used for both. That's how this one works. They were using the hand cream, gave them soft skin. They were also in love. Sometimes you have to work backwards in a pun. We educate on how to read puns correctly, for full enjoyment and love. Ahava. This is not an advertisement for hand lotion. We received no money for this pun.

The rebbe’s Talmid had a very bad stomach. He was Acidic. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Acidic. Hassidic. He was a Chassid with a bad stomach. He was the rebbe’s Acid. After eating all the choolante and shnitzel, there were many Acidic Jews in Meah Shearim. That is factual. You would know if you were at the Tisch on Erev Shabbat. This pun was written with journalistic integrity.

I was worried about antisemitism in Jamaica. First thing the guy said to me on Purim was “Heyman.” (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? “Hey man” is how people say Hi. Haman. Haman wanted to kill the Jews. The guy in Jamaica was greeting me. There's a difference. I misunderstood. You can work this in so many ways to bring people joy on the holiday, as a hippie, walking around going, “Hey man!” Please note that the kids born after 1970 may not understand your pun. Nonetheless, people not understanding your pun should never stop you from doing your pun. Every pun artist knows this. Puns are not about getting laughs. They’re about sharing knowledge. I hope this encourages you to keep sharing your puns, even if people don’t want to hear them. It has never stopped me.
What I was doing in Jamaica for Purim, that’s a story.

Iran’s IRGC is now the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corpse. ​(Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Was a Corps. Now it’s a Corpse. We added the “e.” Bringing you a feel-good pun.

Our board thought they did the right thing, ruining the sanctuary. They had a whole meeting where they talked about the Mishkan’s reckonings. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Reckonings in the Tabernacle. Reckoned. Its accounting. They just wrecked the shul. The board didn't account for anything. And this is why we allow rabbis to decipher what the laws are. And not the recording secretary of the board.

***Note: You've learned how puns can be used for education, journalistic reporting, and how to help one sell Israeli products. The education you received today should be an inspiration for you to never give up, no matter how unsuccessful you are at something. Success never stopped us from bringing you puns. And don’t listen to anybody on the board when they suggest that it's tradition to wreck the shul, even if that's what they've been doing for many years.