Jewish Puns XXX: Mordechai’s Shivim Punim LaTorah

by Mordechai Stein

A Frum beggar at the Kotel said, “I only take from a Jewish quarter.” (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? A quarter is a coin. The Jewish quarter is an area of the Old City of Jerusalem. Two different meanings, hence it must be a pun. They must have Jewish quarters there. Read the pun in Yiddish. In US Yiddish “from a” means everything, and it can make sense. “From a” can also be a political statement. In Yiddish-English that Jewish quarter is probably a person who comes from the Jewish quarter. It’s a quite lucid unshackled language.
 
Why did the photographer take a picture of dessert? Because it was cheesecake. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Photographers say “cheese.” Cheese. Cheesecake. To deliver this pun correctly, be sure to extend the "cheese" in the cheesecake. Photographers like cheesecake. At least the ones I know like cheesecake. My lawyer friend also likes cheesecake. A lot of people like cheesecake. Why should photographers not like it?! On Shavuot we eat cheesecake. Wait till after the holiday to take pictures of the cake. Point is, cheesecake is a cake that likes to be in pictures.

The offering didn’t smell good. It was fowl. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Fowl. Foul. Foul breath. The bird they sacrificed did not smell good because it didn’t brush its teeth. Which is why you brush your teeth and use mouthwash. A lesson for the kids. The Kibbitzer puns are here to educate the next generation. And kids, never use fowl language. Your average human does not understand what pigeons are trying to say. Our children should be educated. We are just trying to help.

Why did the Jews working in Jerusalem wear denim? They were Levis. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Levi’s. Levis. Levi’s are jeans, made out of denim. Do Levites wear jeans when working in construction. I would like to think they wear jeans when putting up buildings.

When the spies came back from Israel, they brought not grape news. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Great news. Grape news. Sounds the same. The spies, the Meraglim, made the land sound bad, bringing huge grapes, with not grape news. Grape is used instead of great here. We don't want any misunderstanding.
  
The earth saw what Jews did when leaving Egypt, and then it ate a Korach sandwich. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Korach Sandwich. The earth eats Korach. On Pesach, due to the Jews leaving Egypt, we eat a Hillel Sandwich at the Seder for Koreych. The Hillel Sandwich is really a Koreych Sandwich. Here it’s a Korach. Not Koreych.

How do you know the red heifer had a cholesterol problem? She was not allowed to have a yoke. (Mordechai)
You get it? The Para Aduma couldn’t have a yoke. Yolk has cholesterol. The spelling of puns doesn't always teach the lesson you are trying to get across.