They were picking pumpkins, but ended up catching lagenaria. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Lagenaria is a gourd too, but it sounds like a disease. They caught it. The gourd must’ve fallen. Just threw you another pun there. You saw "caught"? Fallen, and caught a disease? Though, lagenaria is not a disease. Education of produce is also important to us here at The Kibbitzer. If you forget Tu BShvat, there’s always Three BShvat. (Mordechai) You get it? He misunderstood. Tu Bshvat is the 15th of Shevat, which is the New Year of the Trees. Not the 2nd. He thought it meant "two." So he said "Three BShvat." It should be Taz BShvat. Not “three.” "There is always Taz BShvat." That should be the pun. They put out a movie about an ox that ran over a guy. It was a gory movie. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Oxen gore. Movies can be gore. The Parsha talks of an ox that gores. A horror film about a goring ox is our idea. A Halachikly sound horror film that educates. In the desert, after they prayed, the Jews hung out at the Tavernacle. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? The Mishkan was the Tabernacle. We took out the “b” and put in a “v.” Tavern. That word is there, in "Tavernacle." Other people went to the MidBar. You get it? Midbar is desert in Hebrew. Bar. "Bar" is part of the word. (Mordechai said he goes to the MidBar- each pun artist drinks at their own place) What’s a cat’s favorite holiday? Purr-im. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Cats purr. The beginning of Purim is “Pur.” We added an extra “r” to make the pun work. We don’t know what to do with the “im” part. But the pur is there. Puns are meant to be meaningful, even if you don't finish them. What do you call Purim pastry somebody sat on? Hamentushin. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? It’s Hamentashin. But the guy sat on it, so it’s “tushin.” Tush jokes are great. I want to open a petting zoo for miniature llamas. Lama Lo. (Mordechai) You get it? Llamas. Lama means "why" in Hebrew. Lama Lo means "why not." Brilliance. And llamas are funny. They are truly funny. Why? I don't know. Llama? They just are. If you want to understand our puns, you should learn Hebrew. A little Musar for those of you who love puns. Tags:
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What do say when eating a leafy vegetable that’s been peppered with a little salt and a dash of citrus? Kale Melach Leemon. You get it? Instead of Kel Melech Ne’eman, which is said before Shema- when said alone. Kel is Gd’s name but not. It’s Gd’s name pronounced un-in-vain. In this prayer, you spell Gd’s substituted name more phonetically correct to suit the vegetable. Melach is salt. And Leemon is lemon, for those learning the correct Hebrew word. Or maybe just say the Ha’adama blessing, as it’s from the ground. A lot of thought went into this pun. And heresy. 
I felt bad executing the bagel. But I did what I had to. There was lox.
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Yad Soledet Bo, temperature at which a hand gets burnt, and retracts, is 113 to 160°F. How do we know this? The rabbis got people to test it. They would have people risk their hands. When the person screamed, they were like, "That's the temperature." Some people didn't scream right away. They tried toughing it out. And when they passed out, the rabbi was like, "That's the temperature..." And the students of the rabbi were in shock, "I can't believe he made it to 160°F." And thanks to Reb Shloimy, who is no longer with us, we were able to figure out the highest degrees of what would be considered cooking on Shabbat. If he didn't risk his life, we wouldn't have known.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
3/22/2025
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