Jewish Puns XXVII: Mordechai’s Shivim Punim LaTorah

by Mordechai Stein

What do little kids love to eat on Chanukah in the sea? A Sufganiah. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? The Yam Suf. Sea of Reeds. A Gan is a nursery school. “Iah.” I have no idea what that means. This is what makes this pun riddle unique. The answer is a surprise. Something you would never get. With a good pun, like a good pop quiz, you want to keep them guessing.

She was skipping school for her Chanukah job. So, her parents Gelted her into going back to school. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Chanukah Gelt (money). Guilted her with cash. Gelted her into it... Gelt’s more convincing. Especially when you're trying to make money.

Artscroll put out a special Chumash for Breslovers. The Stoned Edition. (Mordechai)
You get it? Artscroll has a Stone Edition. Stoned Edition is for people who smoke up. Some NaNach Breslov Chasidim have a reputation... Someone will get mad at this. I know. And almost every Breslover I know doesn't get high. But there are those who do. So, let's focus on them for this pun... Ripping out paper from the Stoned Edition to roll is Asur.

Asarah BTevet was only ten hours. Boy. It was fast. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Asarah BTevet is a fast. The fast only lasted ten hours. That’s fast. The fast was fast. And then that little extra "ten" for the Tenth of Tevet. The fast comes out on the tenth. A little extra topping on that pun for you.

Paroh had compassion on the wine steward, because he was pour. The baker had a lot of dough. (Mordechai)
You get it? Poor. It should've been "poor." We wrote “pour.” He poured stuff. We misspelled poor so you could enjoy the pun. Then the extra with the baker and dough. Dough meaning money here, but could mean dough for baking... The pun might have been best three weeks ago. Better than getting it three weeks ago, you get two puns in one.

Why is a navy boat that isn’t moving against Torah? It’s an idle warship. (Mordechai)
You get it? Idle. Read it “idol worship,” and it will mean something totally different. And it will also sound different. It’s in one spot, hence it’s idolatry. If it would be moving, it would be a boat praying to Gd. When Jews pray, they sway. Thought that last part added a little meaning. We like for our puns to touch people.

What do you call it when shorter people do Avodah Zarah? Idolabush. (Mordechai)
You get it? Avodah Zarah is idolatry. Say “Idolatree.” Now you’re catching on. Taller idolaters worship trees. Shorter idolaters worship a bush. Wait. Idolashrub. How about that? Idolashrub. For even shorter people.