Lag B’Omer- a) A holiday kids celebrate in Israel by burning anything they can. This includes, trees, branches, homes. It’s not considered antisemitism. It’s a festivity. Kids start collecting objects for this holiday six months in advance. So, protect your home. Sentence: ‘Where are the cabinets? It was just here yesterday.’ Sentence 2: ‘That door belongs on the hinges. Thank you. This is our home.’ Sentence 3: ‘Please put grandpa back.’ b) Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai died on this day. Therefore, kids traditionally shoot an arrow, to add to the danger of the uncontained fires.
Ima- a) A person who does everything for you. These people clean, wash your clothes, cook, listen to your complaints. Then, you get married and complain about them visiting. See Shviger for how you offensively refer to people who love you. b) The lyrics to every Mizrachi song. Full Lyrics to Mizrachi Song: “Ima. Ani Ohev Otach. Ima.” Shavuis- a) A holiday people celebrate by staying up all night to learn, in commemoration of the receiving of the Torah. Sentence: ‘Mom. Shavuis is my least favorite holiday. I thought holidays meant we had off from school. Now we have classes. How is that a holiday?! I don’t like celebrating classes.’ Follow-up Sentence: ‘Why do we always celebrate stuff I hate?! The eighth-grade graduation. I hated grade school.’ b) The holiday of dairy. The Chag responsible for Blintzes, cheesecake and acid reflux. Bachur- A young lad or anybody that’s not married. Sentence: ‘We are so proud of him. The Bachur is only 83.’ Another Sentence: ‘I am 45 years of age. Why am I sitting at the kid’s table?’ Sentence of Anger: 'My nephew just got married, so he's a nineteen-year-old man and I'm a forty-eight-year-old little child.' Badatz- Another kosher endorsement for Israeli food, and something else to bring up the cost of Bamba. Sentence: ‘Can I trust one rabbi and save money on the peanut butter puffs?’ Alternative Sentence: ‘There are a lot of Hebrew words there. Does that mean it’s a legit Hashgacha (supervision)? The Kosher symbol has a lot of rabbis’ names. No logo. Just Hebrew. Does that make it Kosher? Does Hebrew with ovals and circles make things Kosher?’ We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing that the idea of Shavuis is celebrated to cause him an upset stomach. His understanding of Jewish law makes our practice of Mitzvot more meaningful. Tags:
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Comedy in Crisis… Yes! A stand-up show about sickness! Three years in the waiting room and David shares the reality of love, hardship and joy with you in laughs.
Sunday - October 18 @ 8pm Shir Hadash - Jacob Rubin St. #1 Jerusalem, Israel For Tickets Click Here 
My friend’s pig wanted to wish you all a Hog Sameach. You get it? Chag Sameach. Americans can’t say the “Chet.” They say “Hag Sameach.” But this is a hog. So, Hog Sameach. A pig would say that. Most American say “Happy Holiday.” Americans aren’t pigs. Eating too much on Sukkot does not make you a pig. It makes you a person with an upset stomach, who put on twelve pounds. I hope that clears up any misconceptions about why the pig is saying “Hog Sameach,” and people from the US do not. Though, Americans can be quite friendly. 
Sukkah- A hut that is poorly built. Not a mitzvah. H’ knew that is the best a Jew can do. No Jew can build anything that lasts longer than seven days. And that is without rain. My Brother-in-law Teaching his Son to Build: ‘What you gotta do is take the soft side. Then you take the hard side of the Velcro. Tap as such… take the metal. Slip it through canvas. That’s how we build…’
Hakafot on Simchat Torah isn’t a Mitzvah. It’s tradition. Please don’t pull me into the dancing circle. It’s very uncomfortable. I don’t know when the tradition of pulling self-conscious people who don’t know how to dance, into a circle of people who don’t know how to dance, started.
I love the Torah. Let me celebrate the Torah as I do, by throwing candies at kids. Categories
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
5/30/2026
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