Interviews of Jews: The Lubavitcher Rebbe

by Rivka Schwartz

I sat with the Lubavitcher Rebbe. It was a very meaningful and potent interview.

Chabad is a huge movement.
Nu.

So. What do you think about your Chasidim?
They went off the deep end.

What do you mean?
This Shluchim thing.
I sent one of them to Omaha. The guy never came back. Now, he's been in Nebraska for a good thirty-five years. He calls himself a Shaliach. Yes. I sent him. I wanted some good Nebraska steak brought back. He never came back. That's how that all started.

What's your favorite song?
I never liked “We Want Mashiach Now.” I always liked that one, “Mashiach Mashiach Mashiach.” It was easier to remember those lyrics.

I like that one too. And then it goes “Oy Yoy Yoy Yoy Yoy Yoy-yoy”
I forgot that part.

Where do you want to see the next Shluchim?
Somaliland. I always felt bad about Yemen. We still don’t have a Chabad there.

What do you think about Farbregens?
They've gone too far. I was telling my Chassidim we have to spend more time together. They all started drinking.
Now. Every time they get together, they drink. I don't think they remember a word I tell them. They're always Fabregening.

How did it start?
I told them I like Smirnoff. Truth is I like Smirnoff Ice. They heard Smirnoff. Now half of them are addicted to the stuff.

Why is it called a Farbregen?
Farbregen was a vodka two hundred years ago in Moldova. Good stuff.

Is there a Mitzvah to drink alcohol?
No. But I can't tell my Chassidim that.

Why?
I'll lose them. None of them would come to shul.
They'll start going to the clubs. If they can't get their alcohol at shul, they'll end up at the bars.

Why do you wear the hat that way, with the front of it bent all the way down?
It keeps out the sun better.
If you notice it also keeps the bugs from hitting your face.

I see. Was the Tefillin thing your idea?
No. That was Gd's idea.

Who sent out the Shluchim to put Tefillin on everybody?
Not me. I told them Tefillin are good. Next thing you know, they're putting it on people at work. The guy is working the counter at Marshalls and they're putting Tefillin on him. Customers are waiting. Do you know how many people have gotten fired for telling their bosses "the Shaliach said I have to put on Tefillin now"?!
I tried walking to the Kotel. I was attacked by one of my Chassidim. I had to convince him I was Jewish and put on Tefillin. They've got to stop harassing everybody.

They play you on TVs a lot.
Yes. I always wanted to be a star.
That was the one thing I said. "Make sure I get prime time. I want a good spot."

It's always Yiddish.
I know. I always talked in Yiddish. I figured, people like subtitles. 

Where do you rank yourself among the rabbis?
You have to ask my Chavrusa.

Why the dollar bills?
For Tzedakah. I give people money for Tzedakah. So that they can give it to charity.

Then why do all of my friends have the dollar you gave them?
They needed the money.
The dollars also work well in vending machines.

Oh. Very true. How do you see the next few years?
I hope with better deals on Lulavs and Etrogs. They prices are outrageous. When Mashiach comes you'll be able to get Etrogs on sale.

What do you hope for your Chassidim?
To calm down. They're coming up with stuff I never said. If they just understood Yiddish, they would know what I said.

You didn't say you're Mashiach? What did you say?
I'm a Mensch. Menschlich. Be Menschlich. You know, you mumble a bit when you speak Yiddish. That's how you're supposed to speak it. Maybe it came out as Mashiach. I'm not sure. All I know is I meant "Menschlich." You say that fast, it sounds like "Mashiach."

Menshlich. I see what you're saying.
Next thing I know, they're singing "Mashiach. Mashiach. Mashiach." I love that song. I'm getting into it. And the rest is history.

What are your thoughts on Mashiach?
If my Chassidim would just calm down, he would be here.
They're scaring him away with the Teffilin. They've got to stop attacking people with the Tefillin. They have to be a bit more subtle.
I love that Mashiach song.

What about "Yechi"?
Not as good of a tune. That's how you know I'm not the Messiah.

Do you think you did good?
Yeah. I would say so. My Chassidim make excellent choolante and potato kugel. I get a lot of Nachis from that.

What do you like being called? The Rebbe. Chabad Rebbe. Lubavitcher Rebbe. Rebbe of Lubavitch?
Rebbe of Lubavitch. Or Rebbe from Mykolaiv. Those were the best five years of my life. Not one Chassid bothered me with questions.

Conclusion
That was the Rebbe. I think. It was either the Chabad Rebbe or somebody impersonating him. He was wearing the hat just like the Rebbe.
The interview was in Yiddish. I hope I understood what the Rebbe was saying. He might have said something about all the Shluchim moving to Israel. It was in Yiddish, so I can't say.
Whatever happened, the Rebbe was a Mensch. He was very sweet. Though, he could’ve used a Tic Tac.
I truly have a different view on Chabad now. I'm going to keep the dollar. I had to make the trip to Brooklyn. I need the money. And I'm a collector.

***The interview was done with the help of Shlomo Birkan, who understands Yiddish.