Haredi Ways to Serve Israel: Charedim in the IDF

by Rabbi David

Let us not blame the Charedim, ultra-Orthodox Jews of Israel, for not wanting to do the army. It’s understandable. You can’t truly focus on Gemara Daf Yomi when you're getting shot at. And we all know that Dati Leumi, religious Zionist Jews, don’t really learn Torah. Which is why it's fine for them to serve. This is why they actually want to serve. Because they’re not learning Torah.
I will call Haredim "Charedim," because I like to spell Hebrew words in a way they can't be pronounced. Point is, I want to help the Charedi community find their way into the service of our Midina, Israel. Here are ways Charedim can serve.

Let Rabbis Run the Army
Charedim follow rabbis. Nobody cares what the general says. If the general doesn’t have Das Torah, nobody is doing pushups. And Yair Lapid is not a rabbi. Though he gives Halachik rulings, and makes decisions for religious Jews.
They need Das Torah. If Das Torah said to do the army, every Charedi Yeshiva Bachur would be happy to never learn Torah again.
Rabbis running the army is good also for relations. Any military action the world condemns, will be met by Rav Dovid Levy. You get the Rosh Yeshiva of Ponevezh out there as army spokesman, it will be accepted. It's a Psak. You can't argue a Torah decree.

Charedim are Great Soldiers
They listen. If the rebbe says it, they listen.
Charedim are in shape. I’ve never seen people walk so fast. I don't know if it's Shabbis training or Zrizim Makdimim LMitzvot, rushing to do a Mitzvah, but they fly. Can’t explain it. They glide with the power of Gd. So fast. They don't run. They walk. I would put a Charedi walking up against any Chiloni running. Charedi will win. Point is, they don’t work out, but they’re good walkers. And good walkers make good soldiers.
They’re very good at climbing. At the protest yesterday, they were on gas stations, light poles, highway exit sign gantries.
And camouflage. The Bekishe is perfect for urban warfare.
And many Charedim already smoke. They’re ready to serve in the IDF.
I ask my Charedi friends to really think about it. You’ve got it in you to serve the country.

National Guard
You can't say Nachal Charedi is Charedi, unless if you're a Charedi guy who's looking for a Shidduch with a woman commander in pants. Tight pants. Which they are. If the Satmar Rebbe would just find such Shidduchim for the young men, he would make his people happy.
National Guard will be theirs to run. They will protect the homes with Mezuzahs. That’s how you protect a home. Mezuzahs and a chandelier. Without a chandelier your home is not religious. It’s not a written commandment, but Frum homes need a chandelier.

Guard the Religious Sites
Have them in charge of holy sites. There will be no more arguments. They wouldn't let anybody in until Mashiach came.

A Shalom Peace Corps
So many ways to help the Midina. Serve the country by standing in the shuk and asking shopkeepers to stop yelling. “No reason to scream 'two shekels.' If they want apples they will see the sign.”
They can also hold the stop signs for kids leaving school. Why a six-year-old is directing traffic is beyond me. It's just another cause for internal conflict.
They can make the beaches safer by getting people to wear clothes. Nobody needs to see the eighty-three-year-olds in underwear. It's about Shalom.
The Shalom Corps will let people at the supermarket know it's rude to ask me to watch their cart and save their spot on line while they go shopping. That is for me. I’m getting very frustrated.
And they can help people build Sukkahs. That’s where the Shalom Peace Corps’ construction abilities stop. Sukkahs. Our peace corps is run by religious Jews. Don't ask us to build something that lasts longer than a week. We'll help the poor people get by till next Shabbis.

Educate People How to Protest
Charedim show up for that stuff. They had around 500k at that protest on Thursday.
You’ve got to treat it like a funeral. Funerals are a big draw. You go to a funeral, you stand on a light pole. However they do it, my Charedi brothers know how to organize.
Charedim have protesting down. And they do that thing where they lay down on the street. They know how to stop traffic. With their protest abilities they could've blockaded Hamas and stopped flow of supplies in a minute.

Let Them Run the Mossad
Charedim have a secret underground network of information. How do so many show up for these protests? They know how to network. You need to find a decent doctor, get in with the Charedim.
Charedim should be doing the undercover Mossad stuff. Get some Ger guys. Big guys, so might be noticeable. Take a chance. Some shtreimels are a little smaller. You can probably go undercover with those.

Warriors of H' Brigade
A grown man Tzivos H’. Tzivos H’ is the Frum brigade’s ROTC. We need Mitzvahs spread, and the Warriors of H’ brigade can do that.
The Kiruv unit will be there to bring people closer to Yiddishkeit, by throwing rocks at Jews not keeping Shabbis.
Tefillin unit, run by Chabad guys- as they’ve mastered Tefillin wrapping, will make sure there are Tefillin on every Jew. Start wrapping Tefillin on the anti-Israel Arab population, they will run. They will get as far away from Israel as possible.
Tefillah unit, praying when in battle. They will say Tehillim. Every religious Jew knows Psalms is how you win a war. I don’t know any Jewish mother in America who thinks their Tehillim is not the reason Israel was saved.
Did you see the rally yesterday? The amount of Kavanah, connection and intent on those prayers. They were meditating, and crying to Gd. Gd had to answer those prayers. If they concentrated their Tefillah on the lives of those going to war, we would win in a second.

Sheirut Leumi, National Service, won’t happen. You can’t learn Torah when helping the elderly. Acts of kindness, Chesed, is paramount to being a good Jew, unless if helping Jews. If doing Chesed is serving the country, it's forbidden. Other than that, your life should be only about doing Chesed. The problem is doing Mitzvahs for Israel. You’re not supposed to help.
Respecting your elders is a Mitzvah. Again, Mivatel Torah. Wasting time from Torah. You're supposed to learn about the Mitzvahs. You're not supposed to do them.
 
I hope this helps. I think this plan can work. We just need a rebbe’s Haskama letter.
Let the Charedi community run the army. Rules will be followed. And if you don't follow the law, you'll be put in Charim. Excommunication is a form of imprisonment nobody wants. You find people not keeping the law, they have to get a job and wear jeans.
 
Come to think of it, you can learn Daf Yomi. They have those podcasts. Some listen to Rage Against the Machine when they go out to war. There is no problem with our Chayalim listening to Baba Basra and Zevachim at double speed. I'll bet that's what those Dati Leumi heretics do with their smartphones.