Even More Ways to Stay up Shavuot Night: Education with Rabbi David

by Rabbi David

I can't go this Shavuot without helping you figure out more ways to stay up all night by not learning Torah.
We've discussed many ways to stay up over the years. Eating blintzes, a lot of blintzes to take up more time, drinking coffee, drinking coke, the talking to people method, meeting a potential spouse method of staying up Shavuot, even if it creeps out the ladies at the Shiur, extending dinner to stay away from the Tikun Leil Shavuot lectures. You also have the discussion technique of finding out about what people's college graduates are planning on doing after they've been crashing at their parent's home for the past three years- a great way to disturb somebody, helping them lose sleep. Last Shavuot I noticed more creative ways to stay up, and I shall share them with you, to help.
Definitely. Do not learn Torah. The idea is to remain awake for the receiving of the Torah without learning it.

The Snacks Method
"Snacks" is how secular Jews say Kiddish.
You had the meal. Meals stop. Snacks don't. The meal is over, what do you do? You can’t eat dessert all night. You snack.
The Snack Method consists of you eating more. You ate before you came back to shul to talk while others are learning. Now, you eat more. Good Jews eat more. If you don't know how to eat more, you're not a good Jew and you probably don't even keep the holiday of Shavuot. And you don't deserve to receive the Torah, which commands you to eat more than you can. You probably don't even know what “keep” means. Keep is how Frum Jews practice Mitzvot. They keep them. Religious Jews keep Mitzvot very close to themselves, which is why they hold by them.
While you are eating, you socialize. Don't stop eating. If you stop, somebody might suggest you go to another class. It's healthier to eat than to listen to a lecture at 2am.
The difference between the Snacks Method and the Gorging Method is that you can talk while eating snacks. When gorging, your mouth must be full at all times, thus not leaving space for correct pronunciation.
 
Sing a Niggun
Singing can take up a bunch of time. Nigguns can take up even more time. The Niggun has no words, nor does one know where the chorus and verses are. Hence, the Niggun only ends when it stops. And you do not stop, or the lecture will start. And lectures induce sleep.
The idea is an activity. A Shavuot dance party is a great way to spend the night. The Manhattan JCC has capitalized on Shavuot activities that have nothing to do with Torah, which is the perfect way to stay up throughout the night for the Torah. A dance party with a DJ and a decent action movie, maybe some Karaoke and a cash bar. Great ways to spend the Shavuot holiday, getting through the night, without having to think about Torah. You may even want to head to a bar or a casino and sing a Niggun there. Staying away from Jews and playing slot machines may help you stay up. I don't believe the Manhattan JCC has thought about Shavuot slot machines yet. Pictures of blintzes and cheesecake with Torahs would be perfect reels, along with Lucky Number 18. Again, we're just trying to help you stay awake. The idea is to stay up.

Politics
Get involved in a political debate with any member of my shul. That will last a good three hours, before you have a chance to share your opinion.

Play Boardgames
We've discussed Jewish boardgames. Yet, regular boardgames that don't have to do with Mitzvot may be an easier way to stay up. They're social, will helpfully disturb any lecture, and they are all Jewish. Boardgames is how you have fun when you have no access to the internet, making them Shabbisdik and Jewish.
Sit in a class and open up a Chess board. The sound of smacking down a Chess piece will definitely shift the focus of the Shiur. If you have Monopoly that is also fun. The dice make some good noise. Dice rolling, along with a loud "I will take Boardwalk - thank you," will help shift the rooms focus to the enjoyment of a game of Monopoly, which was given to the Jews at Sinai.
Games nights are a regular Friday night event in Jewish communities around the globe. Games nights used to be for fans of comics and Dungeons and Dragons, until they learned about technology and the joys of being able to play games without interacting with people. Now game nights are only for Frum people, who are not allowed to enjoy Shabbat without people.
You can play Monopoly. I don't suggest Settlers of Catan, known by many Jew haters as Occupiers of Catan.

Eating More
Remember to eat. And to not stop eating. Otherwise, you will have to learn.
The popping over to other people's homes method is a great way to lengthen eating duration and save money. You eat their food. Cheesecake can get kind of expensive.
Eating as many meals as possible also helps. This is why the first eat a dairy meal and then eat a meat meal tradition started. You finish the meat meal at 2am and you don't have to learn very much.

Do Not Learn
Anything you are doing that is not learning or listening to lectures will help.
You can also set an alarm and let it run. It's very hard to sleep with one of those things beeping all night. Let the alarm go off in the Beit Midrash. Bothering people who are trying to learn also a great way to stay up. Bothering people is a fun activity, and will help you stay awake, even if you forgot the alarm.
The exercise technique should not be overlooked. Bring a squat-rack into the Beit Midrash. Lifting weights in bro form, with other dudes cheering you on, will keep you awake and definitely bother the others who are trying to figure out why Rava is wrong again. This can also help others by keeping them in shape between Chavrusas. I am just trying to help here.
Don't forget the Niggun method. With the way people at my shul harmonize, nobody will be able to learn with that disturbance. Again, the idea is to disrupt people to help them stay up.
Even better. Get somebody from the Manhattan JCC to set up a DJ booth in the Beit Midrash.

Again. Do not learn.
If you do end up being forced to learn, ask questions. If you're learning the Gemara about the people fighting over a Tallis, ask questions about Tzitzis. You can get through a whole night asking, "Does people fighting over a Tallis apply to Tzitzis? Let's say they were each grabbing the Tzitzis? Would the Tzitzis not rip? Is it Rava or Rabba? That always confuses me, which one is which." You will be learning and bothering the person you're learning with at the same time. This all helps with staying awake. Once you move further into the Gemara and start learning Tosfot, you're spacing out and falling asleep.
Again. The eating method is the best way to stay up. Eat and drink coffee and put on a few pounds. Putting on weight, the Gorging Method, is the most accepted technique for not falling asleep. The Cheesecake Method is the most trusted of the Gorging Methods, as it offers you extra time in the bathroom. And one may not learn in the bathroom. Thus, nobody will bother you there.
And do not forget the Walking to the Kotel for Vatikin Davening Method. If you are living outside of Jerusalem that walk will definitely eat up some time. Just remember to set up the correct food parcels for the trip, thus helping you put on weight while walking to the Kotel. Therefore, practicing the Jewish holiday rituals of staying up all night and putting on weight.
Again. Do not learn.