Announcements
The Chazin for Rosh Hashana will be doing the services very fast. We will be out of shul by 3pm. No need to wait till the High Holidays to donate money to the shul in honor of your loved ones. You can give money right now. You can always give us money. The office of the shul is always happy to help take your money. We are raising money for honey for the poor. The rest is on them. Though, our congregants have graciously volunteered to make sure poor people have the condiment. We ask people to calm down with the Shofar blowing. We understand it’s exciting to see somebody blowing a horn for more than five seconds, but we do ask people also think about Davening this Rosh Hashana. We ask that you don't break into discussion because we did a Mitzvah. Contemporary Halacha Classes: Why the Chazin Thinks People Want to Be in Shul Longer on Rosh Hashana- Discussion in People Who Think Other People Want to Hear Them. Why Rabbis Are Amazing and People Want to Hear Them. Why You Should Give More Money to the Shul and Why the Rabbi Deserves a Raise. How Donating Honey Helped Nobody in Our Community. Shofar Blowing and How Exciting It Is to See Somebody Who Has No Idea How to Blow a Saxophone. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Everybody was in front of Moshe when he was talking. The whole people. Where is Binny?... Well. He’s not here. He’s a little child. Somebody should be watching over him... They watched over their children in the Midbar. The desert... (Devarim 30:3) “Then H’ your Gd, will bring back your captivity and have compassion upon you. And He will return you, gather you in from all the nations that H’ your Gd has scattered you”... It's not a prayer to bring back captivity. "Bring back captivity" means to bring back the captives of our people... I know it sounds like having more captivity. But we don't want that. I don't think. And this is why I don't like translating things for you... Because you take what I say and think it's the correct translation of the Torah. That's a problem. Now listen to me. H’ is in charge... I don’t know why there is all the scattering. Maybe we bring it ourselves and H’ allows it. Have you seen the Finkelman den? Toys are scattered everywhere. A lot of scattering. H' has to bring us back from that... It's not up to H' to clean the Finkelman's family room. Lesson is we mess up. We need H's compassion. Without compassion nothing is happening. If our congregation was organizing the return of our people to Israel, it wouldn't happen. No amount of compassion could... The board can't even get seats right. Scattering people all over. If the board is in charge, we’re not having services this Rosh Hashana. Nobody is getting a seat. H’ stepped in. We did Selichot. We asked Gd for compassion, and somehow, some of you got the seats you wanted... It was the same seats they had last year, Ruchel. That’s what they wanted... No. I don’t want to sit next to the Gabai. But it seems that I have to... The word is “then." "Then H' your Gd will bring back your captive." That sounds better... After what? After we return. We return after we return. We are returned to Israel after we return in Teshuva... Teshuva means to return... If repentance meant Bernie returning to himself. Something is wrong here... We have to do Teshuva and “listen to H’s voice” (Devarim 30:2). The Pasuk starts, “And you returned to H’.” Before H’ brings us back. We have to return... You should probably return Nachum’s Siddur to his spot. That is the correct thing to do as well... After that, we can talk about redemption. After Nachum's Siddur is back in his spot and Sam and Sarah Finkelman cleans their house... There's a preamble to returning. And that is effort. It is only when we put in that little effort... When have you put in effort, Sam? You clean your house with a Swiffer. No elbow grease. You slide the thing over the floor like you're petting the dirt. Redemption begins with our efforts. With our noticing we've done wrong. With looking at the shul renovations and the drapes on the Shulchan... What table has drapes?... That is not a table cloth. That is a drape. It's on the side of the table. It's a drape... Then get a table cover. Let's return to table covers... Redemption begins with Teshuva. Returning to normal things. With not listening to the board of this shul... Where is He bringing us back to? Not to Topeka. B"H... The effort this congregation puts in... You're all scattered. That’s the problem. Look at the seating charts for the High Holidays. Geulah comes with our effort. It is then that H’ helps us... We need help. Look at how everybody is sitting scattered around the shul. Everybody's worried they're going to have to share an armrest. Those things are tiny. I told you to double up on armrests between seats. The way the chairs are, you can't sit next to anybody without an armrest fight... It’s then... It’s only a seven-hour Davening?! That's not effort. That's painful. We will miss the redemption... Fast is two hours. I will be sure the Chazin doesn’t go over three hours... I will heckle him. I will be on top of him, hemheming and tapping my watch. I will say faster. I will blow the Shofar during his uNitanah Tokef if I have to... You saw that I did what I could with Shacharit. But the Chazin sung a song. I even gave a fast tap. It did nothing... Point is I put in effort to make things better... You can always donate in memory of a loved one. That's a good way to put in effort... I understand that you sweat when you give your money to charity. It's like a workout for you. How much it pains you... The shul is a good place. I also have the rabbi’s discretionary fund. You should give to that. A very worthwhile charity and everybody knows where the money goes... Your rabbi. That is me. I have discretionized the funds to go to me, for charity reasons and holiness. Because your rabbi puts in that effort. And you get a place in Shamaim. In heaven... And thus, you will be deserving of H's compassion... Honey for the poor is important. But what about all the other food they need for the holidays?! Kugel? Gefilte fish? Soup? What about brisket? They have to buy their own?!... So, we supply the honey to put on the brisket. And that doesn't even taste good. What about garlic powder?!... Honey for the poor. The most useless charity I have ever heard of. Again. No effort. It’s like “Gd will provide for the poor.” There’s no commandment for Gd to provide for the poor. We’re supposed to give Tzedakah... "Gd will provide" is what you say when you've given up. Whenever someone asks me how the shul is doing, I say "Gd will provide." First we give Tzedakah, and then maybe they’re helped. It's a communal deliverance and therefore we are our brothers' keepers. Give more to the poor. Some effort... You can give love. You can invite them for a meal. As long as it's not the Horowitzs who have the worst food... Last time I was there for a holiday meal, I asked for more honey. I just had honey on Challah... The Shofar guy puts in effort. You saw his face got red... The Shofar blowing turns into a whole conversation. “Ooh Ahh. Hebrew a Shofar for eight seconds.” In my day, I could go for fifteen seconds... Are all the kids here? Time it. I will hold my breath. Check out how long... And that is your rabbi. It takes effort. Practice. And it is with H’s help, I’m still alive after holding my breath that long... Why the blowing gets applause and a discussion?! You should do it for other Mitzvahs. "Oh. Did you see?! Bentzi just laid Tefillin!!! Oh Yeah. Bracha washed her hands for Hamotzi. Oh Baby!!! Awesome!!! Got all the way to the wrist. They just buried Simon. Chesed Shel Emet. High Fives!!!" And that is how redemption happens. If we don’t put in effort and watch our children, will they be at the Geulah?! No. Because they got lost. If somebody can please return the Torah to the Aron right now. The fact that hasn't happened yet is messed up. Why the Torah is still out. The Gabai put in no effort to find a decent Torah carrier. The Chazin doesn't want to hurt his back. No effort... Gd will help us if you don't show up to shul. If you weren't here... May we be deserving of H's compassion. May we put in at least that effort to have help from H' and to get out of Davening quickly. May we have a year of normal seats, where we don't have to fight over an armrest... A year where people are quiet for Shofar blowing. When they blow the Shofar on Rosh Hashana. Just then. Put in some effort to not talk... It takes more effort for you to not talk, Bernie... Rivka's Rundown The armrests in the shul are truly tiny. Every fight in our shul, all hatred, comes from sitting next to somebody during Davening. The rabbi brought up pews. The shul even picked up a couple of pews for Rosh Hashana, to check them out. Each person insisted that the pew was their seat. Just a big one. The thing holds five people. It's a huge chair with no arm separations. One guy sat at the end of his pew, and still fought with the guy in the pew next to him over the armrest. Morty started a new cause, "One pew per person." The rabbi held his breath for six seconds to make the point of working hard. “If you keep in shape, H’ will keep you healthy enough to hold your breath for six seconds.” That was his message. Between us. The rabbi wanted attention. I think the rabbi is jealous of the attention the Shofar guy gets. The rabbi puts so much effort into his translations. I appreciate him telling us that his translations are not correct. "We return after we return." Confusing but brilliant. The congregants truly put in no effort to anything. Cleaning with a Swiffer. That's how they do it. They drag the thing. Mark opened up the ark halfway for vChol Maaminim. Sadie put Schach on her recycle bin and said it was her Sukkah. The new roller recycle bins are huge. The High Holiday seating was truly messed up. You had Ethel next to Faye. Not smart. You had Bernie next to Sy. Sy passed away. That was the only positive. Sy didn't have to listen to Bernie talking the whole time. The rabbi was strong with the Chazin. Very forceful. He clapped to get the Chazin to move faster. He knows some of them can have Kavanah. And that’s not wanted. The rabbi pushed the Chazin, and we were able to get out of shul by supper. The office doesn’t want to wait till the High Holidays. They don’t trust the congregants will ever give. They’re trying to get whatever they can right now. They know who they’re dealing with. As the office staff says, "Always be closing. We want their money and we don't want them coming back to shul." The appeal cards, those never get paid. I think the office is trying to say to not wait till Yom Kippur to donate in your loved one’s memory, because they’re worried the appeal cards will only be a verification of what the members already didn’t give last year. That's what the congregants are doing. They think the cards are there to let the office know they haven't given that amount. That's the amount they will not give. We all know where the discretionary fund money goes. The money from the Rabbi’s discretionary fund went to the rabbi’s new car and summer home last year. Which the rabbi said are holy objects. “Give more to the poor” is the rabbi’s new slogan. And he also added “And the rabbi’s discretionary fund.” Many people showed up to the packaging day. They each took a jar of honey. It should’ve been a “package your honey for yourself because you deserve as much as the needy” program. Edith said Krogers was charging too much, and "that ruins the holiday spirit." The holiday spirit is getting a decent deal. The rabbi just wanted to show off about his Shofar blowing skills. That was the real point of his Drasha. The kids were enthralled. He called in the kids for the end of his sermon, so they could hear the stories of the legend, their rabbi. The rabbi wanted the Shofar attention. That's all it was. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Ki Tavo9/14/2025
Announcements
The world lost a righteous man this week. A man who stood up for Israel and moral values. Unlike our congregants who have a hard time eating falafel in a pita, without the tahini getting all over their shirt. The commemoration of Nine-Eleven ceremony will take place this coming week on Nine-Eighteen. Nobody realized it was Nine-Eleven until they saw the screen on their computer, which had the date in number form. We ask from now on, everybody purchase calendars without names for months. Just numbers. This will also help when reporting your birth date to the office. We will be singing "Acheinu," the song of brotherhood, all week long. Until you get it right. And sway together correctly. It is the new song of our people, because nobody knows the words to Hatikva anymore. So we’ve given up on that. Contemporary Halacha Classes: Why It’s Fine For Liberals to Laugh at the Death of a Man Who Talked- The Forbidden Nature of Talking to People. Numbers in Month Form- A Seminar on What Numbers Correspond With Which Months. How to Sing Without Messing Up a Song- The Art of Saying NayNayNay. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Moshe talks of going into Israel right after he speaks of Amalek... He didn’t have you as congregants. He had Amalek. Right after Amalek, Moshe talks of going to Israel. You have to keep in mind those who want to kill us. That’s why we have Israel. And for good Kosher falafel. With the basket you bring, the Bikurim, you bring up Egypt and thank H'. You speak of how H’ saw our suffering and redeems us... Israel is what Gd gives us. It’s our safe place. And we have abandoned that by not being thankful... Yes. You can say what you want in Israel. It's a safe space for Jews. Gd brings us there, but we have a side of the covenant we must keep. And I know that responsibility bothers you all. Which is why our Chazin will be doing all of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur Davening, as well as opening the Aron himself... (Devarim 27:1-4) When you get to Israel, “set up great stones and coat them with plaster.” The commandment isn't to do renovations on the stones. If you were doing renovations on the stones with a committee, they would've never got plastered... I don’t know. Weather ruins things. Weatherproof the stones. “And you shall write on them all the words of the Torah when you cross over.” It’s there for Torah. Israel is there for us to practice the Torah. To read it. To preserve it. Preserve it with plaster... We’re not putting plaster on the scroll over here. It costs too much... They didn't have Sofrim charging 150k back then. That's why some of the rabbis say they didn't write the whole Torah on the stones. With the scribe fees, it would've cost the community too much... The stones are our foundation right when we get to Israel... If you would've put in a decent foundation on the Sukkah, it wouldn't have blown away last year... Are you protecting the Torah. The covenant of Gd that we must keep safe, so that we are safe. Are you protecting the foundation. If you would've plastered the walls of the shul correctly, we wouldn't have water damage... What makes it our safe place is the Torah. Is our guarding and protecting the Torah. We have to waterproof it, because we need to guard our will. Amalek, the Egyptians, those who attack us and our supporters, attack our will. Like the board, who attacks every decent Torah idea. Such as learning. The board decided learning Torah wouldn't raise enough money, so we don't learn in our shul... The Torah idea was to learn Torah. I understand that's too simple for a committee to discuss. So, it didn't happen. We should plaster "Learn Torah" on the walls of our shul... Because, it's a simple idea, Bernie. And it doesn't change... You should be in Israel... I’m not there because I have a job. Israel protects us and we must learn Torah there. We must practice Mitzvot. It is written on the foundation stones to remind us of morality... Because it's plastered. And they had decent masons working on the stuff. Not a millennial who... Are we preserving the Torah? Are we fighting Amalek? Are we truly thanking Gd with our gift baskets? If the Purim Mishloach Manot I received from the members of this shul is any sign, we are not doing a good job. Israel isn't complicated. The Knesset is complicated. However, the Midot, the traits of Israel are simple. Be good. Fight evil. Get money from tourists... Israel is about morals. The Olam lost a righteous man this past week. What do you stand for? What are your morals? How are you going to continue his legacy? Are your Jewish kids safer on college campuses now?... Because they're not plastering the Torah on their walls. Because the college life is based on immorality, one cannot be safe. They have pictures of Taylor Swift and Kendrick Lamar... I don't believe they were what Moshe was talking about plastering. And that is how you lose morals. It's what you plaster on the wall. And at this shul we're using Sheetrock. Drywall does not represent morality. Neither does hip hop or the Swift family. Nor does a poster of A Minecraft Movie. Building an immoral society with nothing on it's foundation stones... Laughing at a Tzadik’s murder??? Your sense of humor is off... Things to laugh at would be the board's choice of wallpaper in the social hall. Charlie saw the immorality in America and attacked it. He was trying to plaster truth on the walls. What moral values do you fight for?... Giving tips at Flavor Cafe is not a moral value. Fifteen percent does not make you a person with scruples. There's no Mitzvah to be a big tipper... You haven't given Tzedakah in years... Tipping is not charity. And the fact that you gave your Mayser money, your tithe, to tips... A tithe is a tenth. One tenth. Not one and a half tenths... We must talk things out. Plaster the holy words of H' on the rocks. In his way, Charlie Kirk tried doing that on the campuses... I am not suggesting graffiti. The Torah reminds us of history and our hardships. The Torah we practice is in the face of evil. We preserve it in the face of the board and our synagogue committees... Commemorating those who have gone is important. Which is why we have memorial plaques, plastered on the wall of our chapel. And you can donate money in honor of your loved ones who've passed on... Morals are based on them. Moral acts we preserve, the Torah, is all based on how we treat death. The past. Chesed Shel Emet. Kindness of truth. And our will to live by Torah even when we’re under attack. How we commemorate... The problem is we called it Nine-Eleven. If it was called September 11th, everybody would know when that is... Calling 911 is not the right thing to do on NIne-Eleven. You do a moment of silence. Prayer. Commemorate it. Torahify it. Maybe fight terrorism. Have we waterproofed our Israel?! We are going to be singing Acheinu all week. It’s for our people, and we're going to sing it all week. At least till you get the song right. You guys mess it up every time. How do you mess up a song of brotherly love so much?!... It's because you don't love your people. The song makes me cry every time I hear it. How all of our people come together and sing. How you all sway and sing off tune. Your harmony is so off... Well. Then you're singing a different song. Didn’t even repeat the verse. You repeat verses in Jewish songs. Always repeat the verse... That's how you make sure the song rhymes... Of course "Acheinu Kol Beit Yisrael" are the lyrics. We have good lyrics written 2k years ago. We don’t change them, Chaim. It was in the Machzor Vitry. We sing that... We’re not singing Yanky’s new song. I don’t care that it was inspired. And we're not singing Taylor Swift. And now your swaying is off. We are going to plaster the words on the wall... So you remember them. Or at least look at them and don't mess them up... I know it's written in Hebrew. Learn Hebrew. Those lyrics protect us. If you all understood the idea of brotherhood... And sisterhood. I get it Rachel. You would sing together... Let’s sing now... The way you're singing now promotes brotherly hatred.... Sisterly hatred. Sorry... OK. You’re right. There are other songs for our people. We’ll also sing Kol HaOlam Koolo and Am Yisrael Chai... And Hatikva. It’s our national song. The fact you guys don't know it... Will we remain stalwart?! Are we plastering the cornerstone of our religion?! And now it’s offensive and bothersome to say we lost holy brothers in Israel this week?! Acheinu. Our brothers... And sisters. Exactly Rachel. America is not a safe space without Israel... H’ Yismor. Plaster that on our wall. Rivka's Rundown The rabbi got into the singing. He turned his sermon into a Kumzits singalong. Once he got into the songs, he started crying, because Bernie and Ruchel were so off tune. Nobody wants Mishloach Manot in our shul. I understand the rabbi. If the Bikurim baskets were anything like what I got for Purim, it would not be thanking H'. I can't imagine that people were bringing Gd poppy seed Hamentashen. Due to the rabbi's message of waterproofing Israel, our membership started a campaign to raise funds to purchase wood stain and sealant for Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. Jerusalem claimed the stone is already waterproofed. By design. As a board said, "That sounds biblical." Committees in our shul need something to discuss. At the last meeting, the renovations committee discussed the idea of if Torah is important to Judaism. It was a committee. It was a discussion they had to have. They had a meeting already planned. They had to discuss something. It would appear that Torah is not important to renovations in our shul. The rabbi made a beautiful point about antisemitism and Israel being our place to live. Nobody cared. They claimed the flights to Israel are too expensive, and the real Amalek is EL AL. The congregants were mad the rabbi could say such a thing about Charlie Kirk. One member screamed out, "How dare you say he was a decent human being?!!" It turns out our congregants hate Israel and Jews. They also hate morals. Some of the left-wing of our shul, at Kiddish, started laughing about Charlie Kirk's death. It turns out that they’re against guns, but pro-gun violence Now the liberals in our shul want to kill any child who talks. To quote our left-wing Kiddish table, "If they talk, one day they might debate. The decision is easy." The most moral thing one of our members has done is to give a big tip. "A big tipper." That's a Tzadik. "She gave eighteen percent. She has a place in Olam Haba." Yet, they steal pens at work. The rabbi ended up giving a whole mathematical explanation of tithing. From then on, Chaim only tipped ten percent. The left-wing table claimed Charlie Kirk never tipped well. A Rasha!!! The rabbi saw an opening when he mentioned the plaques for family members who passed, and he started going into an appeal. He's warmed up for the High Holidays. He's good. The rabbi started a statewide campaign to call it September 11th, so people would remember the date, before seeing the bottom right of their computer screen. Every year, we miss Nine-Eleven. We need a ceremony to commemorate it. We need another name for it. Not to get rid of Nine-Eleven. Just to change the name. Because they are not good at reading dates, some of our congregants commemorate it every day. Every time Bernie looks at his clock when he gets to shul, he mourns. The moment of silence was not a meaningful idea. The rabbi is always asking the congregants for a moment of silence. He just wanted the congregants to shut up. Many congregants were offended by the concept of fighting terrorism. To quote, "Terrorists have a right to be who they want to be. If that is how they identify, we have no right to stop them." They congregants have also been through a lot, dealing with violence in the shul. They had already dealt with Simchovitzs’ Hagba fiasco where he took Galigla from the kid. The anger expressed when the kid didn't wrap right. They're still talking about it. Some claim the look was a terrorist act, perpetrated by somebody who doesn't identify as a terrorist. Which the left-wing table said is wrong, as "that's misappropriation." It turns out that looks can be terrorism too. "A terrorist look." And that is more offensive than killing people. I think that is the congregation I belong to. Due to the suggestion, we are now singing all four songs after Davening, every time. Not just Acheinu. And the rabbi has also insisted on the NayNayNay parts, adding an extra five minutes to each song. As he says, "That is the one part all the congregants know." Such bad singers in our shul. The rabbi required music classes for all. The rabbi also brought in a dance instructor to teach us how to sway right. He said the classes were for all the victims of having to be members of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefillah. And to honor the victims of Nine-Eleven, whenever that is, by not ruining more Jewish songs. After all the talk of hardship, death and commemoration, everybody had a great time at Kiddish. The connecting numbers to month names seminar lasted three days. Tags:
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Announcements
We’re sorry that our announcements are going backwards a month to September. We thought August was October. And thus, they were written as October. Our secretary is from Florida. She’s used to hotter weather in the summer. She thought it was already winter. To not worry. The Shabbat handout will have October after September as well, when it's October. It turns out there is another October then too. We will not be celebrating Menachem’s Bar Mitzvah again. The Kiddish the first time was Shvach. The rabbi says everybody has to go to Israel. He does not want to see you in our shul. Israel needs volunteers. To quote our rabbi, "The shul does not need volunteers or congregants. Hopefully you don't ruin Israel to." The rabbi suggests everybody purchase new Kippahs, because the shul membership looks like a bunch of Apikorsim. You all look like heretics with the silver tinted satin Yarmulkes, doubling as safety reflector Kippahs. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Miss School and Holidays by Listening to Our Board and Reading Our Shul's Announcements. How Long to Spend Trying on Kippahs for Purchase- The Art of Not Wearing Menachem's Bar Mitzvah Yarmulke as a Style. The Chiyuv of Moving to Israel and Away from Topeka- An Obligation to Not Be a Congregant in Our Shul. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Help people... Yes. The Parsha says to be useful. There's a Mitzvah to help. The Parsha does not say to be a congregant of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefillah... Forget about a horse. You didn't pick up Bernie's phone. He dropped his phone and you left it. You said, "There goes my back. I don't have to keep Mitzvahs"... (Devarim 23:10) “When a camp goes out against your enemies, you must guard against anything evil.” Have you seen the kids at Camp Rachok MeiHorim? Little devils. There's not even a war... We learn that this is for those going out to war. Rashi teaches, “Because the Satan goes offensive at times of war.” You think you're fighting the Canaanites and the Amalekites. Next thing you know, you're fighting Satan. You have Ruchel coming at you from one side. And the shul renovation committee coming at you... I've always been against Color War. Color War also brings out the worst in people. They go to battle, they start singing "Bang Bang Clap B-Bang B-Bang Clap Clap" and it turns ugly real quick. Evil overtakes. Next thing you know, they’re never wearing blue T-shirts again... The blue team was the Amalekites. That's what my kid at Camp Rachok MeiHorim said... It’s easy for those in battle to sin. As the Ramban talks about the stress. Color War is a curse. And then that capture the flag thing. Like taking captives and sinning... It's all stressful. Losing at the wheelbarrow and egg on a spoon race is very stressful. It's our homes. Our neighborhoods. When people are out, we have to keep our camps holy. Those left in the camp have to keep it going. That’s the task of the non-warriors. The shopkeepers. Not to try to steal when war brings their business down. To keep the business going when nobody is buying anything. The congregants of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah are excellent at being unsuccessful... Morality can get lost when you’re dealing with chaos. When people are far from home. This is why I tell you to not go on summer vacations... You go on vacation. Nobody is taking care of the shul. And then you can't afford dues. Have we kept our camp holy?! In this time of war, have we guarded from evil?! It’s easy to lose a sense of morality when something so serious as war is going on, and when you have a membership like ours. The Mitzvot of acting right. Helping others with their animals. Not acting perverse like Shmuli who tells the dirtiest jokes... Not in Shul, Shmuli. The one about the priest and the imam has got to stop. We're in shul. Do you know how easy it is to tell dirty jokes in times of war... And so many things went wrong due to you all losing sight. We can’t let Satan have us lose sight as to what’s important. Even in times of war. And that is a decent Kiddish. Menachem's Bar Mitzvah Kiddish was awful. Kichel?! Gefilte fish balls?! It's a Bar Mitzvah Kiddish. At least have loaf fish... When you go on your vacations are you wearing Kippahs... Yes. You should wear Kippahs in war too. How war and vacation are the same thing is baffling. To this American congregation, going to war is making sure you don't get cut off on line at Disney World. Battling to keep your spot at the Snoopy Roller Ride... In war, you camouflage. You don't wear Menachem's Bar Mitzvah silver foil reflector Yarmulke... Trying on Kippahs from the Bar Mitzvah Kippah box is messed up. HaKipah is a brand. Menachem's Bar Mitzvah- October 18th 2025, is not a brand. And it was August 18th 2025... You look like idiots. Like Satan got into your Kippah. Guard against looking like an idiot. Satan is in your Satin... The board went the whole month calling August October in the newsletter, and nobody said a thing. Is that Satan?... I understand it's the board. Same thing... Nobody reads the Shabbat announcement. Nobody said anything about the fact we missed Rosh Hashana in August?!... Nobody reads it Ruchel. I don't know how you can call it announcements if nobody reads it?... Announcements to nobody. "We are announcing the Shiva to nobody." That's why nobody shows up. Because they don't read it. Maybe if you made announcements like normal people, with the correct month, people would show up at the right time... I don't know what we're going to do with all of Mencahem's friends and cousins who are planning to come in October... Wherever we are. Whatever we do. Even if we're showing up in the wrong season, because of the board. We have to be strong in our convictions of following the Mitzvot. Menachem's Bar Mitzvah Kiddish was evil. It had people fighting to try to find decent food. It was a Satan filled Kishka... Nothing is the same as being in Israel. Keeping the Israel camp in Israel... Camp Rachok MeiHorim has a Hebrew name. But it is not in Israel... It's not keeping the camp of Israel holy... No. It's not a summer camp. It doesn't cost 12k. It's our people-hood. Where we're supposed to live... You talk about it. You send stuff. If you’re not there, you’re not on the front lines. You're immoral. You're not keeping the camp from evil... You can go to Israel now. You can leave our congregation. There is no COVID... OK. So there are missiles. Satan keeps you from helping your people with missiles. You are letting the war keep you from what is right. (23:10) “When a camp goes out against your enemies, you must guard against anything evil.” Which is why I'm trying to get you all out of here... Don't let war take away your moral compass. That is Israel. Israel is our camp. And it's cheaper than Camp Rachok MeiHorim. There's a war going on. Go to Israel. Volunteer. Help... I am not telling Nachum to go. The guy hasn't helped with anything. He will just bring dumb ideas with him. He will hurt Israel. He'll probably start a committee... The Mitzvah is to help fight evil. To help your people remain strong. The Mitzvah isn't to go to Israel to complain about your back... You have to purchase the Kippah correctly. You don’t just take one. You fit it. See how it hits the back of the head. You take two mirrors... You guys just slap the thing on your head. It looks pathetic. And you don't even pass on morals to your children. I saw you drop a Kippah and you didn’t pick it up. Your child didn’t help. There won't be morality and Mitzvahs in time of war, if your camp is already not Mitzvahdik... Your home is the camp here. You have to guard something from evil... It's not your new wall to wall flat screen. It's Mitzvot... I understand the Kippah was ugly. I know. I saw it. Guarding your reflector satin thing perched on your skull is maybe not something important to you. Make sure you have something to guard, other than a decent TV. You don't even have Max... Give them values to guard. Your child didn't help pick up the Kippah because they have no values. That’s what they teach these kids at Color War... Acting with purity, even in times of war. (Devarim 23:15) “For H’ your Gd walks in the midst of your camp, to rescue you and to deliver your enemies before you. And your camp will be Kasdosh. And He will not see a shameful thing in you and turn away from behind you.” When H' walks in the midst camp. You have to guard that. Why this shul has so much security now makes no sense... What are we guarding? The new quilt you put up on the wall?! It's not holy... It's not even a community quilt. Brenda donated it because she had to get rid of it. She put it in the laundry and brought it. For some reason, the renovation team decided to hang it up... Not all quilts bring community together. She didn't even bring the duvet... I know. You would've hung it up if she gave it. The quilt is shameful. It’s about holiness. Even in war. Keeping the Mitzvot in the hard times. Not messing up August for everybody. Having them worried about snow days at the end of summer... Something to guard. We have to create something to guard. Something worthwhile to keep Satan from it... Is it in the camp that we must guard, or those who are out to war?! I propose it is both. We must guard against board members everywhere... Our holy people of Israel have acted properly in this war. Keeping Mitzvahs. Tefillin... Don’t know if you're supposed to lay Tefilling while being shot at. They wore their Kippahs correctly in Gaza. Not shiny Yarmulkes. Also, in the communities. They wore their Kippahs proudly. Everywhere except for Topeka. Their kindness was guarded. Quilts were donated. Not by our community... Why we put one up on a wall, when kids can be sleeping with it. And in our camp of Israel, everywhere, we kept it good. We still saw H'. A holy people... When we are weakest, the Satan is there for us. Be it temptation. Be it war. Be it Nachum’s back... We must keep morals no matter what. For Gd. Even at the worst of times. Even in battle. Even at Menachem's Bar Mitzvah... We have to keep whatever camp we are in holy. To guard against our evil at home. And that is the board. We have to do something about the board. Maybe get them to move to Israel... We have weak kids. Not one of them made the high school football team. Evil is in that camp. There's too much arts and crafts going on at Camp Rachok MeiHorim... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi blamed the problems in our congregation on people too focused on vacation. Our congregants can care less about war. They forget about Gd when they're on vacation. To quote Nachum, "It's a battle every time we go to Orlando. It's so crowded." Our Jewish people have been an Ohr LGoyim in this war. A light amongst the nations. And Israel has gotten blamed for it too. Israel has fought off Satan. As the rabbi said, "Some of our members visited Israel, and Israel still survived." Menachem's Bar Mitzvah Kiddish was not an Ohr LGoyim. If nonJews start serving post service refreshments like that, people will leave their religions. I agree with the rabbi. The things that go wrong in Israel are because our membership makes dumb decisions. I believe he called the members of our shul Congregites. Here are things that go wrong: Kippahs. Messed up Yarmulkes that shine. I can't Daven in shul with the glare coming off the Kippahs, hitting my Siddur. The wall hangings. They should be meaningful. Not somebody's bedding. I thought community quilts were made with meaning. Not slept in. Kiddish without loaf fish and schmaltz herring. They served the salty water herring. Taste buds have changed over the past hundred years. Our board. Committees. People showing up to shul. Everything goes wrong. And we wouldn't even know when it went wrong because I think we're in November now. Our congregants are just not helpful. They sin even without war. Our kids won't help if somebody falls. I believe Nachum said, "If somebody lost the shirt off their back, I wouldn't bend." It might have been, "If somebody needed a shirt. I would give them a decent place to buy one." Maybe blaming our members is a myopic view of the world. But at least it gives the rabbi and me somebody to blame. Somebody has to be blamed for the messed up Kiddishes we've had lately. I can’t believe I missed that they were calling August "October." I just thought we were having a very hot October this year. The leftists in our shul used the October mistake to prove their argument of global warming. The rabbi argued, “You can’t argue global warming is happening because our board is a bunch of fools. Brenda's community quilt for Shalom was worn out. It was an old blanket with fraying corners. The rabbi got many congregants to go to Israel. They all felt good being in the Holy Land after five years of not visiting. COVID, the war, and Yankel the tailor who wouldn't stop talking about how the price of flights to Israel right now, kept our members from visiting for a while. When the rabbi suggested our volunteering in Israel to our members, he was hoping they would volunteer to move there. The members were mad the rabbi said there was no COVID. That was more controversial than rockets hitting Israel. They wanted more COVID. One congregant yelled, "THEN WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THE MASKS, RABBI?!!!" The guys in our shul truly look like heretics, walking around with reflector Yarmulkes. What Menachem's Bar Mitzvah with the free Yarmulkes did to them. They're messed up Kippahs. Due to the need for non-reflector Kippahs, so people don't get blinded when Davening, the shul purchased new Kippah box Kippahs. There is now a Kippah policy. We used to make everybody wear jackets for Davening. Now, they need to wear normal Kippah. As the rabbi taught, if you're Pinny, you might want to spend more time trying on Yarmulkes "because you look like a fool." I think the real message of the sermon was "Satan is in your Satin." Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Shoftim8/31/2025
Announcements
We commend our clapper. We want more people in the shul taking after Ruchel Tova and expressing themselves. Even if it is not to a beat and it throws off the congregation. We support the Carlebach inspired clapping, even if nobody in our shul is singing. The board has decided it’s too dangerous for our older members to dance. So, we shall not have a Carlebach Minyin. It might cause them happiness and that will lead to a heart attack. Our membership is not used to smiling. Support Israel. Visit. The rabbi has proclaimed that walking for Israel does not have the same effect as walking in Israel. Though, there is a nice breeze in Topeka. Kids are back at school. And they are back at shul. H’ Yishmor. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Support Israel by Never Visiting- Israel Thriving Without the Members of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. Carlbeach Minyin and How to Get in Shape for the Necessary Jump Dance and Walk Around the Bima. How to Walk in Jerusalem to Get in Shape and to Not Have to See You in Our Shul. Additional Prayers for Dealing with Your Kids. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Yes. Leviim do get something from the sacrifices... Because they have to deal with you. They deserve something with you and your questions. “Why do you slaughter with your left hand? Why not use a steak knife?” They should get more sanctified animals for having to deal with you... Why are you so against religious leaders not starving?!… I can use more money. (Devarim 18:13) “Be Tamim with Gd your Gd...” Well. Gd is your Gd... “H’ is your Gd.” Is that better?... Well H’ is Gd, so He is your Gd. That’s Gd. Gd. Do we understand Gd now, with all your questions about Gd’s phrasing... Tamim means pure... Not Tahor pure. But complete, sincere. Like a wholehearted pure individual that you can trust. Not like Cindy. Very fake. Not like Baruch either. We have very insincere congregants… If you paid your dues and didn’t talk about how you're going to pay your dues, maybe there would be sincerity. I’m just going to talk in Hebrew from now on, so I don’t have to explain anything... Exactly. Because you won’t understand it... Rashi teaches this means to go with Gd in Temimut... It’s better you don’t understand, as that is simple purity. That’s how you should go with Gd. Not understanding a thing. Like when you’re Davening in shul. “Rather than investigating the future. Instead, whatever happens to you, accept with Temimut, and then you will be with Him and be His portion.” You worrying about the renovations does not make Gd like you. The point is to not ask questions. “Where do we put the ark?”… Well, thanks to that question, the Aron is on the west side of the shul. So, we have to turn sideways like idiots to bow east… Because you ask questions instead of just doing the right thing. Be Tamim with Gd. The shul has no portion right now because the board made a dumb decision. And then they investigated it. And even after meeting with the architect they did it. And now we're broke... Broke because idiots investigated. Had meetings. And why did you decide to do it wrong?!!! What part of the research told you, "The wrong way is the best way?!" What good has ever come from you thinking about something? What good has ever come from your “creative approach” to synagogue living?… You can’t be in a relationship if you’re constantly investigating. You saw what happened with the Himelstein family. It killed that marriage… If there was no investigating, nobody would’ve known he was cheating. Investigations kill relationships. You need trust. You need to trust in H’… Yes. That’s Gd. Your Gd. I can’t explain this anymore. I can't explain death. Asking me about death when you don't even purchase plaques... You discuss buying plaques with your family. It doesn't happen. Because it's not Tamim... I’m done. And I don’t trust you… I don’t trust the board. Which is why I didn’t marry any of our membership. Don’t cheat on Gd. Point is your questions kill Judaism for me... Just Daven. Stop asking me why we pray. Just do it. Stop asking me what the prayers mean. The more you know the meaning of the Tefillahs, the longer Davening takes. And nobody wants to be with Gd, waiting for you to finish the Amidah... Be simple. Be pure with Gd. Thinking about the future??? The Siddur Emergency Fund for Siddurs that go bad. What's bad is the way you guy's Daven with no excitement. No simple enjoyment of praying to Gd. No clapping. Just clap and be with Gd… We need to have more tuna and peas and carrots cans. That’s what Gd wants if there’s an emergency. The point is you think too much. When our membership thinks too much, bad things happen, like committees… You worry about everything. How about you just do good and worry about Levites eating a decent sacrifice... Just be simple. A simple man... Lynyrd Skynyrd’s mom knew what she was talking about. Be present in your service of Gd. Present and offbeat... Why is Ruche clapping now? It’s the sermon. I am speaking. What tune are you clapping to?... Extremely offbeat. Beautiful in your Tamim expression of love, but offbeat. At least Ruchel Tova is excited... Ruchel is simple. She's in the moment. She hears a song, and she claps. I commend your excitement, Ruchel... So offbeat. Now isn't the time to clap. This is not being in the moment. This is after the moment for us. In her mind she's in the moment. She is serving H’ Tamim... Let's try to be Tamim at the right time, Ruchel... Because it’s off. The energy is off. Carlebach didn't have people clapping during his sermons and jumping up and down to a NayNayNay when he was talking. And I understand the harmony in our shul is off as well… They’re only three seconds off the melody. You’re fifteen minutes off… There’s a point where self-expression throws off the Chazin. He jumped to Anim Zemiort... That’s where he thought your clapping was. It was that offbeat. We are not a Carlebach service. Have you ever seen anybody in this shul smile?! Do not try to get us to dance. We shall not dance... We are not in Carlbeach Minyin shape. You have to be in jump dance condition. Our congregants have heart conditions. Ruchel Tova is living with H’. Not like Bayla and Nachum, sitting in the back of the shul working security… Most messed up security team. What committee meeting led to ninety-year-olds being the ones to chase away terrorists?! Ruchel is definitely not thinking. And that is why you’re our best congregant... The rest of you judging. Not with H’. Not going Tamim with Gd. Making dumb renovation decisions. Dumb security decisions. Dumb education decisions… When you make decisions, they’re dumb… You trying to understand. Stop. Do. Be in the moment Everything you do is in support of Israel. It helps just as much as your harmonizing to “Etz Chayim Hi”… Your shopping at the Topeka Center Mall doesn’t help Israel. Stop lying. You went out to dinner last night for yourself. Eating a hamburger “in support of Israel” somehow doesn’t help the food shortage in Haifa. You didn’t even say Birkat Hamazon… How do you support Israel? You visit... Not Florida. I know Israelis live there. All you do is think. You over-think. You thinking is over-thinking. Because you have dumb thoughts… I’m saying you program too much. Just do a trip. Stop planning it. Go to Israel. Stam. It’s an easy decision. Just be there… The last shul trip that went. That was twelve years ago. Would have been a great trip if you didn’t ruin every day with programs. If you just let people do what they wanted… They wanted to not show up to programs. They wanted to walk around, shop, support Israel… Exactly. We haven’t had a trop since then, because you all organized trips every year. If you just didn’t organize the trips, if you didn’t prepare for Israel, we would’ve went… Your money support isn’t enough. I’ve seen your donations. This is why we’re worried about not being able to afford Siddurs... Kids are back. We’re going to say Tehillim so that we can deal with them… Your creative approach to childhood education is how we end up with your children. And Sarah Malka gouging out eyes in the middle of Ashrei… I understand the chant bothers her… It’s a chant. A chant tune. If you want it to be a tune, that’s fine. But it’s a chant... We could have a funkier Ashrei tune. A funkier chant, if that exists. But then Ruchel Tova would be clapping even more. How she claps for the Ashrei chant now… Be Tamim and your kids will end up normal. They end up loving Gd… I get it. In our shul loving Gd is not normal. The point, deal in the now. Show respect for people in the now. Support Israel now… Fly there. Support by being there. Donate yourself not talking. That would help our people. Bernie not talking… Thinking about it?! Investigating it?! You're not with Israel. You’re not doing. Just be Tamim with it. If you think about Israel and the EL AL price gouging, you won’t go… Sarah Malka at least does stuff. She’s committed to her eye gouging. Somebody thought about it, privatized, and realized you can make good money off antisemitic airlines… I don’t know who hates Gd more. All the airlines not flying into Israel, or quadrupling the cost for me to visit my sister. They all thought about it… Cindy and Baruch are always trying to get something. Not Tamim. They don’t even look at you. They’re thinking what they’re going to get out of the conversation. That’s not a holy relationship. A holy relationship is where you clap for no reason. Ruchel is still clapping… (Devarim 18:9) “Don’t learn the abominations of the other nations to act like them.” Because that’s not being Tamim with H’. You don’t learn. What Torah have you learned… If you showed up to one of my classes, Mark. If you were Tamim… Going to the Baha'i revival class… That’s not supporting Israel. You don’t pass your kids through fire to support Israel... You really have to stop saying you support Israel. Your going for a Shpatzir in Topeka is not supporting our Home Land. You cheat on Gd by not being in the moment with H’. By not supplying the Levites with food. By learning about the forms of idol worship and splatter painting. You cheat on Gd when you listen to the dumb ideas our board brings up. When you have meetings, you end up with the youth that is screaming in the halls right now, missing an eye. When you show up to committee meetings and talk about renovations, you're not with Gd… Because at Gd’s committee meeting, He didn’t say to put the Aron in the wrong place… And it’s because of your dumb questions. It’s because you talk. If you didn’t talk, I would be able to serve H’ Tamim… You’re the only people who I think it’s maybe better you don’t visit. Israel. Just this shul. Now that I thought about it and investigated our congregants, it’s more supportive of Israel for you not to be there… Rivka's Rundown At least the rabbi was clear. Don’t be like Cindy or Baruch. They thought about it, investigated the best option, and decided to put the Aron in the wrong spot. The congregants thought about the rabbi’s sermon, and they forgot what he said. Don’t cheat on Gd was such a profound statement. This sermon broke up the Himelstein family. His wife had no idea, until the rabbi told everybody. But it was a beautiful lesson. Himelstein tried keeping his marriage intact by telling his wife he never cheated on Gd. Ruchel being in the moment is Ruchel being in the moment later. She’s more offbeat than the harmony coming out of the men’s section. She clapped mid-sermon. Might’ve been her Hodu prayer song clap. Might have been a song that was going through here head yesterday. The inspiration just finally hit her. Middle of the rabbi’s speech. She’s very inspired. She went to a Carlebach Minyin once. Been clapping ever since. At work, they’ve kicked her out of the cubicles. Her co-staff at the call center said the customers were wondering what the applause was for. Her boss said she was clapping to Ashrei. Now Ruchel wants people to dance. The rabbi told the ninety year old security in the back of the shul to kick her out if she dances in the middle of his sermon. The rabbi is just mad he has to spend so much on flights now. That’s what inspired his anger today. He hates that new owner of EL AL. The rabbi went off on the Israel programs in the community doing nothing for Israel. To quote, “Eating falafel balls from Costco has not helped the Sderot community. It did not boost the economy in northern Israel. And somehow, it didn’t stop missiles from the Houthis.” The rabbi’s point was that being in Israel is how you help Israel. “Saying, ‘This is in support of Israel’ does not support Israel. Even if the hamburger at Deli Kasba Kosher Grill was amazing.” The rabbi is very against Rachmanis. Israel doesn’t need sympathy. It needs our community suiting up and going to war. And it doesn’t seem like Ethel and Bernie are going to do that. The membership hasn’t gone to Israel in years. But somehow, they support it. They “think” about it when they’re at TJ Max. To quote Nachum, “My thinking of Israel is Israel advocacy for my mind. It’s Hasbara.” I’m happy the rabbi is calling out this fake support of Israel. The local Israel fundraiser day pulled in three million dollars less due to the rabbi’s speech. Some members even flew to Israel to show support. But they didn’t go out to eat or spend any money. The EL AL flight was too expensive. They flew to Israel and had no money to support it. We’re still trying to figure out what we should do as a community. The rabbi’s class sold us on not going to Israel to show support for Israel, because we make really dumb decisions with shul renovations. They actually said Tehillim to help the community deal with the kids back at home. Stopped saying Tehillim for Israel. But they said the Psalms for camps to last through the school year, so we don’t have to see the kids. Mark made a Mishebeyrach for his kids to get out of the house. “And they should all have a long life away from me.” Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Re'eh8/24/2025
Announcements
Words can’t express the feelings on the loss of Harry and Silvana. We want to thank Jake for knowing about cars and picking up new tires for the president of our shul. Jake also knows English, if you have any kids that need tutoring for free. He does favors for free. Our shul is now open. The right-wing table has been getting traction at Kiddish. Conservatives in our shul can now express their opinion, at the table in the left corner of the Kiddish room. If you do express your opinion anywhere else, the board will see to it that you are kicked out and lose your job. We want to commend the Gabai on an excellent head nod given to the Bal Tefillah. The nod made it clear when to start the repetition. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Express Nothing at a Funeral by Saying “Words Can’t Express.” How to Give a Continue with Davening Nod Correctly and How to Space Out- The Art of Making People Wait Even When the Gabai Does His Job. Reasons to Never Tell Members of Our Shul You Can Help. How to Lose Your Friends by Sharing Your Opinion- A Torah World View and Why People Hate You for Loving Gd. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Devarim 14:1-2) Don’t cut yourselves and do not make bald spots between your eyes for dead people... I don’t know why people would do that Bernie. I understand your section is already bald. Them being bald is not a sin. Them driving on Shabbat is a sin... "For you are a holy people to H’, your Gd, and H’ chose you for Himself to be a treasured people...” And this is why people hate us. Because they think we have money. They think Gd chose us to give us money... Treasured people don’t make bald spots between the eyes. Or even at hairlines. Bald just looks bad. Treasured people at least wear toupees... Gd doesn't want to have to look at the bald heads. You show up to pray to him. He doesn't want the light shining off your... The baldness in the back left of the shul just looks bad. H’ doesn’t want to see that either. Put on a Kippah for crying out loud... I truthfully do not know why He chose you. I believe nobody picked any of our congregants to join their team in pickup softball last Sunday. Nobody chose any of our members. The point is you have to be a treasured people. You are definitely not athletes... The Perek starts with “You are children to H’.” Children have to act in a certain way. When you are children to the Minkowitz family you act like idiots... Children of H', Bernie, of course have to act in a certain way. Proper. Holly. Bernie. You are chosen to not act like any committee I have ever seen in our shul... The worst hairlines. Rashi teaches that children of H’ don’t follow Amorite practice, like pulling out hairs, like a fool. The hair pulling at junior congregation has to stop. The Amorites would’ve done that, Betsy... I think the Amorite kids would've scratched and bit also. We have to eat holy... I don’t know why the split hooves... Why are you asking me about the hooves? H' said we have to do it. We need hooves split. And fish need fins, because they swim better that way. And there are birds you can’t eat... You can’t catch a fish, let alone a bird, Simmy. Just eat holy food... Eat what you’re commanded to. That's what children do. They eat holy stuff. What they're told to... You can make a lot of good stuff out of brisket. The fact that your children listen to nothing is a problem. That's why we have a little Amorite gang running the youth group. Being treasured means eating decent salmon sushi... No hooves. Nobody likes P’tcha. As children of H’, a treasured people, we have to express holiness in all our actions. In the way we eat. The way we talk. To be a Kiddush H’. “Words can’t express”??? What were you expressing at the Levaya? Nothing. It was the worst funeral... If the board had something nice to say, ever, they would say it. "Words can’t express," because you have nothing to express. Harry and Silvana were great people. If anybody would've expressed that... And because you can’t express anything like a normal person at their funeral. Now, because you said nothing and showed no Kavod to such kind souls, everybody wants to pull out their hair... You don't express holiness by taking. The problem is you all take advantage. You all want for free. You’re takers. Not givers. Rav Dessler would’ve given you Musar... Yes. For free. He wouldn't ask for an honorarium to let you know how annoying you are. I am saying it because you don't care about eating Kosher. You care about getting Kosher food for free. What kind of a treasured people doesn't pay. Doesn't want to give?!... Jake. You should’ve never told anybody you know about cars. Now they're going to choose you to call when their car breaks down. Of course they’re going to call you. It costs $800 to visit the mechanic for a brake. You have free time... And then the president of our shul. Yes. You’re the reason no professionals come to shul anymore. Because it's free when it's in shul. There are no copays at Kiddish... Jake is not going to last here. You even asked him to pay for your tires... That's not help. That's charity... Because he was helping?! And now you're conspiring. I heard them talking Jake. "Jake knows how to work on cars, and he also knows how to pay for cars." Good luck Jake. The congregants like you. We have a shul of takers. People who have chosen to take... That's not what Gd wants. Thanks to our president, the only decent person around, who helps, will not want to be part of the community... He doesn't tutor. Jake did not offer to tutor for free... Would children of H' charge as much if they were mechanics?! Very good question. I can tell you, they wouldn't show up to shul... Finally, the right-wing people have a safe space... I want to thank the board for including them in synagogue discussions in their area... They understand that if they are heard, they will be kicked out... My fault. I didn't realized Bernie is left-wing. Bernie. I am sorry. You can express your views during my sermon... As you have noticed, I have only been speaking to the front right of this shul throughout this sermon. I have only expressed that we are chosen to the front right of the shul... The Gabai is a holy man. A child of H'. He stopped eating shark... The Gabai's head nod is a holy talent. The most important talent in shul... I know the Gabai can’t Layn the Torah or lead Davening. He bobs very well. This is why we chose our beadle... I still can’t stand Bob. He’s talking again. Bob, it’s a sermon now. Shut up. You're right-wing. I'll kick you out... You guys can stop cheering. I want to thank the Gabai for that look he just gave. You are so good at looks and bobs... The Bal Tefillah gives a lookback, the Gabai gives the head nod. That's the order of holiness in the shul... What do you want? The Gabai to yell?! Children of H' know of the holy head nod. All of the stuff you can’t eat, it’s about the holiness. The word used for what we can eat is "purity." Holiness depends on purity. And you are not pure if you can’t figure out when the Gabai is telling you to start the repetition of the Amidah... I don’t know all the Tamei, impure, birds. Do you know what a Yanshuf is?... I did not know that was an owl. Well, you can’t eat it. I do know that if you can't figure out when the head nod is coming, you are not pure and you shouldn't be leading Davening... H' did not task His treasured people with listening to Shloimi lead service... Children of H' are pure. Our Gabai doesn't eat Treif. He wouldn't nod for that... They don't eat carcasses Rivka... Because H' says so. (Devarim 14:21) “You shall not eat any carcass.” You give that to the stranger or sell it to them. They can enjoy it... When you’re called upon by Gd to be holy, you have to purchase Shechted meat. You have to pay more for stuff. That is what makes you a treasured people. Paying more. You're chosen to pay a lot... To mechanics too... It says any carcass. Why am I hearing now about rabbit foot?! And don’t cook a kid in its mother's milk. It’s wrong... I don’t know why H’ put that here. I truly have no idea... The reason. H' said so. Because you are children of H', you have to do this. And you also have to provide a brisket carving station for Kiddish... Rivka's Rundown I feel holy right now. I paid twenty-five dollars a pound for the brisket this past Shabbat. I believe everybody connected with the rabbi’s message of being the chosen people meaning that we have to pay more for stuff. They know that from the Kosher Mart which doesn’t sell pig for less than thirty-eight dollars a pound. The rabbi's explanation of why we have to keep Kosher was extremely profound. If Martin would've said to not eat shellfish, I wouldn't have listened. It really depends on who's telling me stuff. They back left of the shul looks bad. If Gd has to look at that, He is not enjoying listening to their prayers. Wealthy people wear toupees. The rabbi is correct. A treasured people invests in hair. There's a lot of hair pulling at junior congregation. I don't think the Amorites were as violent as our youth. They probably didn't play gaga and whack balls at each other in the name of fun. I have never seen a group of individuals have that much fun crying. I think Betsy is a bit of an Amorite. She will not stop pulling hair. Our congregants truly make everything out of brisket. They're worried that cooking anything else will deem their kitchen Treif. It's just brisket and Manischewitz. Nobody can express anything about Harry and Silvana. Losing them both at once was harsh. Their funeral was quite quick, as "words couldn’t express" anything about them. Their friends got up and expressed absolutely nothing. I had no idea what to think about them, other than they lived a whole life with very boring conversation. Jake is not coming to shul anymore. That was a quick stint for him in our community. After tires, and then changing brakes in everybody’s backyard, Jake decided it was a better financial move to go Christian. As Jake said, “Then I can charge Jews.” This is the same reason the population of Jewish doctors has went down in our town. At the heyday of Jewish pediatricians, this shul was packed with kids and parents asking doctors what to do about headaches at Kiddish. Never let anybody in our shul know you have a skill. Our membership liking you is the worst thing that can happen. The rabbi is right-wing. I don’t think he’s expressed his opinion for ten years. The rabbi now sits at the right-wing table. And he lost his job. He got the job back real quick. He got rehired, when he went to say "Good Shabbis" to the Democrats. The rabbi is worried about getting cancelled again, as a rabbi. To quote the secretary of the shul, "You don't talk Torah in a shul environment. It's offensive." He has started only speaking Torah to the front right of the shul. He's worried that if he addresses the rest of the shul with his views, they will cancel Judaism. We’ve had Gabai yellers in the past, because we’ve had idiots leading Davening who have no idea what a head nod means. Reuven's head nod is so blatant. No scream is ever necessary. You feel the wind flying off his hair smack you with the jerk of his head nod. He's an impressive Gabai. Very right-wing, as expressed by the bob of his head. We had one mourner who thought the Gabai had a twitch. That was the one time the Gabai had to yell, “Start. People here have jobs.” They then had to explain to the mourner that the Gabai's twitch only comes when you have to start repeating the Amidah. And then the Gabai went up to the guy, put that mourner in a headlock. "How to Give a Continue with Davening Nod Correctly and How to Space Out- The Art of Making People Wait Even When the Gabai Does His Job." I think that class was a complaint against the guy Davening. The rabbi was supporting the Gabai though. The Gabai gave a follow-up class on why it's Mutar, permissible, for the Gabai to give the Baal Tefillah a headlock. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Ekev8/17/2025
Announcements
We ask mourners not be selfish. The Davening leader should be the person with the highest level Chiyuv requirement on the chart of tragedy. A fisticuffs shouldn't break because Steve's father passed away last year. We understand that nobody wants to hear Felvel lead. But he is going through Shloshim. Being that it’s the first thirty days, he leads, unless if somebody has Yahrzeit. So please be sure to be here for your Yahrzeit, so we don’t have to listen to Felvel. The rabbi is on vacation. The Chazin will read the Drasha. The rabbi wants everybody to know he feels it necessary you all hear a sermon, as you’ve all been sinning this summer, and you’re bad congregants. The rabbi forbids Malkie’s Fat Loss Clinic. You can’t be a Frum Jew, and get thinner, when there’s Shabbat... Vegan Shnitzel is forbidden. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Offend the Death of a Parent By Not Sharing the Amud and Praying in with Our Congregation of Heretics. Leading Davening Not Like Felvel So People Want to Stay Jewish. Healthy Diets H’ Hates - Because There’s No Kishka. What Makes You a Sinner- A Look at the History of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. Rabbi Mendechem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Devarim 7:20) H’ will send the hornet swarm to get the hidden enemies. But that’s if you listen and do the Mitzvahs... The military plan doesn’t work if you’re all sinning. You have to keep Shabbis for it to work. I tried getting hornets to go after the board. A bunch of sinners... The idea is the hornets go into the tunnels, and they run out. I’m not a military expert, but it works, Bernie. It just works... Moshe fights for everybody, so you are still alive and H’ doesn’t kill you... He fights with prayer. It can work. I have seen the way you guys attack the Gabai. You're alive, not because we had our first decent shul softball game on Sunday. And you are only going into Israel because the other people are so bad. The Amorites and their cousins, the ites, are just sinning more... Basically. You’ve done nothing, other than get Gd mad. But Gd is madder at them... I know this, because I've been around this congregation for a very long time, and I've seen how Jews are when they're on a board. If it was the board making decisions, we would've never made it to Yericho... Exactly. The shul trip to Israel hasn't happened for four years now. Because the board is involved. Sinners... (Devarim 10:11) H’ tells Moshe, “... let them come and possess the land that I swore to their fathers, to give them...” Earlier in the Parsha we see that we'll get kicked out of it. Because we're going to mess up. Ruchel will get involved as board president and she'll mess up the finances... The rebellious people that we are, we don’t necessarily deserve to go into the land. We have to go all the way back to our forefathers for a reason for Gd to like us. Which is why we have plaques in the shul. To remind Gd that at some point there were decent Jews here. Jews who paid dues and didn't mess up the finances and ruin the rabbi's contract... The Levites get nothing. The Leviim don't get any land. Does that sound fair?... Well, it’s fair. I'll answer the questions I ask here. (Devarim 10:9) They have H’... Stop blaming the Levites. I know they do a bad job of handwashing in our Shul. But they're not the reason. They’ll be fine doing Gd’s service. We are talking right now about you guys messing up everything that your forefathers worked for... Let’s see. The Leviim didn’t ruin everything with the Golden Calf. Or a new Torah crown without silver. They're not a reason for us to not be in Israel. In our shul, they're a reason to think that maybe the Levites shouldn't be the ones singing Tehillim on the steps of the Temple. You all have just as bad of voices as the Chazin... I have to explain this. This is why we have sermons. Leviim don't need a physical heritage. They have Gd. Can you get over the fact the Levites don't get land. It's not a punishment. Smirking in the back left. It's called spirituality... Yes. It does make you feel better to have Gd when you're broke... The point is you can't do anything good. Our congregants are not the reason for anything positive. Even so, as I've witnessed, you are very good at messing things up. Like Torah reading... Don’t mess up everything. Gd is doing a favor to our forefathers and me, letting you into Israel... If you moved to Israel, Topeka would be happier. Stop blaming the Levites. They're not the reason. They have Gd. You. You. I'm talking to you. You don’t mess it up. Once you understand you’ve done nothing good, your heritage will be there. It will be protected, even through hornets... Your kid getting bit up at camp was your fault. The Torah does not say to not spray your child. Just don't do anything and your heritage will be fine... No Bernie. Just stop. You're bothering everybody. Mitzvahs. Do Mitzvahs. Everything else will be taken care of. There are things we have to do. Leading Davening should be done right... You want hornets on us?! Then don't mess it up. The rules are. To lead the Davening, you have to have something awful happen to you?! If nothing awful has happened to you, you can't lead services. That's what a Chiyuv means. That or a Bris... I have had to deal with you. That is why I lead services sometimes. It's a deep pain I feel. A loss of joy... If somebody had something awful happen to them, let them lead. Don't be nasty. There shouldn't be Amud, prayer leading fights... You’re selfish, Vitaly, when it comes to Kaddish, never joining the community tune... You are so off beat. And this is an Ashkenazi shul. You’re stuck doing this fifteen-minute Edut Mizrach Kaddish. Nobody knows when to say Amen... We're asking you to not mess up the decentness your ancestors gave our community. Don't mess with plaques. They're the only good thing we have left in this shul. To not cause more Galut. We are asking mourners to be considerate of other mourners. To not be selfish mourners... Felvel. You're not the only one to lose somebody... He said, “I lost my dad last month.” Your response, “Then I should be leading. Yahrzeit trumps Shloshim.” There were no condolences. No LAliyas Nishama. No Hamakom Yinachem. You told him to leave. That is not comforting... And then a fight with Steve. You got mad at him because he had a Yahrzeit. The day his father died, and you want to throw punches... And what’s a fisticuffs. Are you fighting 17th century style? Is this one of those things where you start hitting each other and nobody ducks the punch?! And stop singing. We are going to ask the Chazin to stop singing. His voice is off. If the Jews sang like this in the desert, Moshe's prayers and calling on our forefathers to help with H' wouldn't have done a thing. Come to think of it. Nobody leading Davening at the shul would bring redemption. You are all so bad at it. I ask that you all be better Jews. There is no way a good Jew can take off weight during the summer. With late Shabbis, you are eating till 9pm Saturday night. From 11am to 9pm. That is at least four pounds of babka. Shnitzel for. A popcorn machine. And Rose finally is making good Shnitzel. So, you are eating that... Kol Hakovd Rose for finally having a decent recipe and not messing it up. A thing that somebody didn't mess up. Rose is not the reason we are living in Galut. With her amazing new Shnitzel we would be in Israel. It's the board... And then you need a Melaveh Malka. That means Saturday night pizza. If you were decent Jews, you would've put on at least eight pounds this summer. So far. And what is vegan Shnitzel? Are you even Jewish? Vegan is not Jewish. Pareve is Jewish... The idea is to bring spirituality. To be connected to the elevated Leviim. To eat more Shnitzel. This is our way of being connected to Israel, where we can't afford homes... You're poor, because you messed up your ancestor's inheritance. The Levites get nothing. Are they part of this? (Devarim 10:8-9) The Leviim are commanded to minister to H’ and carry the Aron. A spiritual bunch. “Therefore Levi doesn’t have a share and heritage with his brothers. Gd will be his heritage...” Don't worry about the Levites. Worry about famine. When you're connected to Gd, there is good. You don’t need land. The Levites are good Jews. They put on weight every Shabbat... You don't lose that heritage of Gd when you eat. If the people don’t kill everything, the Levites will be fed by the tithes. And they'll have homes based on what they receive by the people not sinning... The problem is they're connected to the people they minister to. If there's a famine and no tithing, what do the Levites eat? And this is why my contract is messed up... The military plan is to keep the Mitzvahs. It’s to not do anything stupid. That’s the plan. Mitzvahs. And it will help run Kosher Mart better too. And it will help with Davening. Keeping Mitzvahs will have you leading prayers faster, because you will think about loving your neighbor, and you will do it fast. And where is the name Kosher Mart from? Is it named after a family member?... The Levites got this. And they got their lot with H’. Because they wanted that. They didn't mess up. If you don't mess everything up, we should merit Israel and hornets. Celebrate your ancestry... And they will not eat the plaques. And get some bug spray for your kids already... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi spent half hour explaining military strategy. It came down to, pray to H' and show up to shul on time. And that leads to safe living in Israel. So heritage means you've done nothing. And that is a good thing. The redeeming lesson is that we might have a chance to not mess up things more than we have. And that is a win for our congregation. Everybody felt inspired after the sermon to not mess up more than they have. I’ve ran into some nasty Kaddish guys. Especially from the women’s section. When a woman is saying Kaddish and the woman is on tune, they can't deal with it. They They go off beat even more. These guys are vicious when it comes to leading services too. Ralph says” It’s my Minyin.” Like the guy owns the Minyin. Like he's the best guy for it. Ralph hasn't even paid dues. To be honest, everybody hates Ralph. And he runs up there. He gets there early just make it uncomfortable for the mourners to kick him off the Bima, so they can rightfully lead. Felvel has to go over to him every day. “I lost my mom.” And then Ralph gives no response. Just a nasty look. And Ralph is worse at leading than Felvel. He runs up there because nobody would ever ask him to lead Davening. No matter what, he's leading. He considers his birthday a Chiyuv. This guy always leads. After this whole violent ordeal, Michael was looking to purchase a pair fisticuffs. He was bothered that he lost his last pair of cufflinks. "Get out of here" is how the men in our services comfort the mourner. And that announcement. "Be sure to be here for your Yahrzeit so we don't have to listen to Felvel lead Davening." It was like the shul was hoping that more congregants would experience more family death. Just so that Felvel doesn't lead. It's like he's even worse than the Chazin. I think mourners should be a little selfish when mourning one's parent. It shows Kibud Av vEim, honoring parents, when you're a jerk to others, in honor of leading people for Chiyuv. Faster Davening, and not having to listen to these people lead, is the greatest Mitzvah. "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Seeing the anger expressed when other people lead, it is true. The rabbi left for the week and he still had a Dvar Torah. I think he just gets out his anger on us. It was inspired. He even threw in the how annoying Bernie is. He knew exactly where they wouldn’t shut up. The Chazin having to read his own voice is off. That hurts. Rose's new Shnitzel is amazing. I agree that she should be praised, as she is our only hope for redemption as Jews. I agree with the rabbi, our congregants have taken off weight this summer and they are thus not religious. Malkie is taking off weight. I don’t think she’s keeping Shabbis. Keeping Shabbis during the summer means ten hours of eating on Saturday. You can't take off weight sitting at a Shabbat table for that long. What else do you do with your Shabbis? Talk? While you're talking, what do you do? Eat. I never understood eating on Saturday night. After eating for fifteen hours on Shabbis you have to eat more. Are there any Mitzvahs that aren’t eating? I should ask the rabbi. When he got back, the rabbi ended up making all the vegans in the shul bring proof of Judaism. The rabbi being away, nothing changed. They all still talked during his speech. Which was really the Chazin's speech. Very confusing. Especially because in his speech he said we don't need or want a Chazin. He got back for his class later in the week because he didn't trust that the vegans were Jewish. Tags:
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Announcements
The Tu BAv single people event is happening for all the divorcees. Old single people who have never been married cannot come to these events either. Or any shul events. We want to be clear. You also scare divorcees. The wall will be renovated for security. It will be a secure structure. This will keep out terrorists. The wall we have now does not keep out terrorists and it is always falling down. We will call it "The Terrorist Wall." We want to commend Camp Rachok MeiHorim for not letting the kids write letters to their parents for first two weeks. It’s good Chinuch. Kids learn that their parents don’t want to hear from them. A Kosher slushy stand is opening. That’s the best we’re going to get. It’s a place to go to and sit outside when 7-Eleven is too packed. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Build a Wall Correctly to Keep Out Singles. What To Do When Your Kids Try to Contact You and the Mitzvah of Honoring Your Parents Not Your Kids. Where to Move to When 7-Eleven is Your Best Kosher Restaurant. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... H’ made a Brit with you at Sinai... No. It wasn’t a communal Brit Milah. I’m dealing with idiots. A covenant... A Bris is a covenant and a Brit Milah. This is too complicated having to explain Ashkenazi vs Hebrew pronunciations... If you would know some Hebrew the sermons would be much quicker. After hearing he can’t go into Israel, Moshe tells the people it’s their fault, and then tells them they better practice the Mitzvot... Yes. It's your fault. How we end up with a Kosher slushy stand is your fault. That was not in Gd's covenant when He gave us choolante... Brain freezes are a curse. Not a covenant. Though they happen all the time, there's no Slurpee covenant that you shall drink it and feel like you are dying every time. (Devarim 5:1) Moshe says to them, “Hear Israel the decrees and the ordinances that I speak into your ears today.” Moshe doesn’t say to talk Bernie... Listen. Listen to your rabbi’s sermons. I am giving over H’s word and you don’t even hear it... Because you talk. There was never a commandment to talk. Because you say stupid stuff. This is why H' has to talk right into the ear. Because you guys don't hear anything unless I scream it in your ear... “And teach your children.” Or they end up like the kids in our shul who are athletes... Apikorsim. Same thing. No commandment to talk. There are Mitzvahs to listen to H’. To believe in H’. The only time they talk is when they are like “Moshe. Do it for us. Go up there and get the commandments for us. You do the work.” When you guys talk, you mess things up. Like your kids... At least teach your kids correctly... OK. First listen and then teach. The problem is you don’t listen. Then your kids end playing softball like a bunch of fools, kicking the ball... I know that's kickball. But you guys are coaching them and they think they're playing a different game, because you don't listen. When you don’t hear Gd’s commandments, and you’re in the back talking about how your new air-conditioner just kicked on, you end up messing everything up for your religion... You don't listen. You end coming up with messed up Shidduchim. You share dumb ideas. Then your kids don't get married to these people. You bring them into the shul, and I have to deal with it. It's your fault... And what about listening to the message of Tu BAv?! Maybe we have to think about older people who never got married. They’re not allowed anywhere. They can't go to parks. They can’t be neighbors. They can't be youth directors. They can’t even go to singles events. Those things only run up to thirty-five. They're even too old to be single. How do we help these scary old singles, other than quarantining them from other people. And I get that you want to keep your kids away for safety... Divorcees have done something. These old single people have never done anything. They are useless. And they can't educate kids or they'll get locked up... You educate to your kids go out with ugly people. Look at the back left. All married in... Exactly. Listen to what the single people are saying. They want to do something. They want to be married. They don't want to marry into your family. And I get that. I see you guys every week... The decree is to get married. But if you don't meet anybody. If you can't go to events... That's how you end up here. When you don't listen and hear, you end up believing false gods. Like a security wall that doesn’t work... You didn’t even think Trump’s wall was a good idea... A wall for security? We’ve had a wall forever... So, we’re going to have Scarface now popping in the back of our shul. Shooting everybody up from behind the non-bulletproof wall?! And what makes the wall bulletproof? Concrete? The walls we have are made of concrete. Why not just listen to the people who used to make walls?!... That's what happens when you don't listen and you teach kids wrong. Drywall. Maybe get a wall that doesn't fall down. That's all. plaster it right... I believe in security. Not stupidity. Not congregants who don't listen... How about a wall that keeps out congregants?! How does a wall keep out terrorists? It didn't keep out any of our congregants... Immigrants can get through the wall. Ein LDavar Sof. There is no end to safety when you don't listen to Gd... Every single one of the renovation ideas is messed up. Beforehand it was because people will die, rolling down a ramp that has an incline of one inch. That didn’t sell. Now it’s security. And kids are educated in youth groups which are on the other side of the wall. What about them... The Terrorist Wall is not a good name for it. It sounds like an invite. Like a wall made for them. It will only draw terrorists. And how do we keep out congregants? That should be the discussion... You don't deal with them. Congregants are just as bad. Security in sanctuary??? What about in the hallway? Do you not care about the kids? Did we not learn to educate them... I understand, you have done an excellent job of educating them that their parents don't care. "The kids can go. If they must go, they must go. would’ve been better if they didn’t come back from camp"... How much security in a sanctuary where you are praying. Do you not believe in Gd... You send your kids to summer camp, when you don’t listen to H’s word. H’ was talking about encamping. Encamping around the Mishkan... The Tabernacle was not the name of a Machane Kayitz. So, the kids can’t write home for two weeks? They come home after three... Michelle. Your kids can't write. And if your kid has an emergency. "Excellent. Great. It’s a shame the bear got them. It’s a shame the buddy system didn’t work out." This way at least you don't get blamed for The Terrorist Wall. It's about educating your children correctly. They don't get that from you, because you don't listen. They don't get it from the Camp Rachok MeiHorim... They come back thinking "Bang Bang Clap" is a Jewish song... And now the divorcees have no money for dates, because your kids should be encamping. Not in camp. And you would know that if you listened to H'... So. You want that wall to keep your kids away. You are fine if they go You'll be calling the cops with your kids in youth groups. "We're OK. We're behind the safe wall in the sanctuary." When you don't listen, you end up with no Kosher restaurant... Because you didn’t listen to H’ telling you to eat Kosher. You’re supposed to eat Kosher. Bernie. Your kids can’t eat without a restaurant. You think Mrs. Schwartz’s kids are eating her food?! It’s disgusting. Let's have spaghetti and cottage for dinner again. We worked on finding a restaurant. We now have a slushy stand... How is that a restaurant. If there is nothing that is being heated up, it’s not a restaurant... You don’t heat slushy’s Bernie. If you all listened, this shul wouldn't be so messed up... Yes. To listen to me. Cheryl. When you don’t hear H’, you covet stuff. Because your stuff is messed up. Like a slushy place. You covet a regular restaurant. Maybe if you got a decent restaurant, single people would want to go on dates there. And then they wouldn't come to shul coveting your families... You don't go to 7-Eleven on a date, because kids hang out there and you can get locked up. You covet because you don’t view it all as H’s. You believe in other gods. To not covet is the last commandment, because not following H’s ways leads to people being congregants of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. And it leads to single people... (Devarim 5:18) “You shall not covet your fellow’s wife, you shall not desire your fellow’s house, field, slave, maidservant, ox, donkey or anything that belongs to your fellow.” I understand nobody is coveting our congregants. That is the one positive about looking at the back left. There is no desire... And your cattle are messed up too... H’ has to list this stuff because you don’t listen. If you just listened to “Don’t covet,” it wouldn’t all have to be spelled out. When you don’t listen the first time... "Not to desire" adds even plotting against a friend. Not necessarily just action. To fantasize a plot, even if he won’t do it (Ramban). And I am guilty for plotting to get the other rabbi fired, so I could get out of this shul... I am not plotting. I am planning against you, because I can’t stand you. I am planning on ruining your ideas which will mess up the shul with a new wall. We don't put up walls in this shul. We put up with annoying board members and committees... And this is what you get when children are educated by people who don't listen. And that is why you have no love in your life... And now we call up the Bat Mitzvah... Rivka's Rundown At the end of the sermon, the rabbi called up the Bat Mitzvah girl, who nobody wished a Mazel Tov to. She wasn't even in the announcements. They even skipped Kiddish. It was like day of mourning in our shul for Tu BAv and the girl's Bat Mitzvah. Well. The rabbi called her up and spoke right into her ear. At my Bat Mitzvah, I wasn't called up to terror and the idea of somebody coveting my parents. I am sure the Bat Mitzvah girl will remember what she heard from the rabbi. The rabbi spent the first half hour of the sermon going off on how people’s grandparents in the Pale of Settlement didn’t necessarily pronounce Hebrew words the same way Moshe did. Later in the week he gave a class on how people should at least learn a little Hebrew, even if they get it wrong, so he doesn’t have to explain everything he says in the sermon. Mid-class, after dealing with constant questions about the meaning of what he was talking about, the rabbi said, “You are a hopeless people.” He stopped the class, left, and said, “I would never want to take you to Israel.” The rabbi spoke on the hearing part of what Moshe said, because he thought that people would stop talking during his sermons and listen. That didn’t work. The rabbi blamed us for heresy and the golden calf. Stating Beis Knesses Beis Emes uSefillah is the reason. The basic message... Our kids are messed up because their parents don’t listen to H’s commandments or the rabbi. I think the rabbi called the back left of the shul very not good-looking people. He did take a lot of complaints for his comment about the cattle. To quote Dr. Lipman, "Say what you want about my wife. But never put down my oxen." I feel bad for the old singles. They can’t go anywhere. They're quarantined at every event. They come to the events and they have to sit at a table with themselves. No interacting with regular community members, known as "the normals." Or as the rabbi knows them, "congregants who I want to put on the other side of the secured wall." And now they are even too old for singles events. They have to stay in their homes and stalk people on the internet. That’s their only hope. One family has all the singles over. This way we at least know where to stay away from with our children. They send their children away to different homes for dinner, just in case the old singles see what younger people look like. Which old single men shouldn't know. One of the singles hugged a kid yesterday. The shul was in an uproar. I don’t care it was his niece. It was wrong. And people kicked him out. B"H. The board did make a correction in the announcements, after push back from the community. They said they are happy to take dues from the old single people. They still can't go to events or show up anywhere, but they can be part of the community by giving money. If we need a stronger wall, secure it. Now, everybody is afraid the walls of the shul are going to fall on them. I thought I saw some congregants leaning on one of the walls last Shabbat. They were trying to hold it up. They’re going crazy with the security thing. I think they just want to spend money, because they haven't given any of it, and they need an argument to spend it. You can’t argue against security. It’s like you’re heartless. You can't say anything to it. “What? You don’t care about security? What about people's lives?” "Well. I don't care." They even have members on patrol now. This is the next Police Academy. Melvin, who needs two people to help him up while he grabs the chair in front of him, is on the security team. If they had money to do renovations on their own house, we wouldn’t be talking about this. They would be focused on spending their own money, and the shul would be safe. They would have no alarm system in the shul, because they had one in their house. They really don’t care about the kids. The sanctuary, which doesn’t allow kids inside, because they disturb, is the only safe place. My parents sent me to camp because they didn’t want to see me. This no letters for two weeks, at least the kids know where their parents stand. Truth is, if I was a one of these kids, knowing what my parents are hoping for me, I would stay at camp. In the end, these parents in our shul will probably spend 500k for college, just to get their kids out. The followup class on what to do when your kids try to contact you from camp was a series on How to Hide from Your Children. A slushy stand. A place to get headaches. Our community is pathetic. I need out. I need a community where I can get a Boureka. At least Bourekas heated up in a microwave. That's all I am asking for, a restaurant where somebody does the microwaving for me. At least that. Can't even get a restaurateur to press buttons here. Tags:
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It’s tradition to not greet people on Tisha BAv. The Markowitz family is very good at that. They have not said Hi to anybody since they moved to Topeka. Some have the tradition to do a Taanit Dibur on Tisha BAv, where they don’t talk at all, throughout the fast. The rabbi is asking that Bernie adopts this tradition. To quote: “We might witness Geulah, redemption, if Bernie doesn’t talk.” Our community needs a Kosher restaurant. If anybody knows anybody that can cook, let them know the community will support them. Anybody who wants to run a place. The rabbi says he can care less if the guy is proHamas. We need a restaurant. "We have nothing else to offer, other than a committee meeting. And that only draws Jews who like to bother the rabbi." Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Celebrate Tisha BAv and Feel Pain By Dealing with Our Congregants. How to Lose Every Jews In Your Town by Not Having a Place to Eat in Your City with Examples Given By Jews Who Won't Support Anything That is More Expensive Than Costco. How to Keep Silent So the Rabbi Can Give a Class- Lessons from Tisha BAv for Bernie. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... So. You all hear you can’t go into Israel. You are all going to die in the desert, because you take the idea of really good fruit and ruin it. You see ripe grapes and all the sudden, the people are going to kill you?! I have no idea how that works. It's like seeing a decent pastry at Kiddish and saying you're going to die because of the rugulach... The Jews are not going to Israel because of rugulach... You didn't trust H' because the rugulach was too good. And you got H’ angry. I can see it. This is why none of you have gone to Israel the last couple years. Good rugulach... And so, H' tells the Jews in the desert, they are going to die there. (Devarim 1:41) All the sudden they’re telling Moshe, “We sinned to H’. We will go up and fight.” They even got all the weapons. Suited up all the gear. They hear they're going to die and all the sudden they're a bunch of heroes who trust Gd. Like the time I said the trip to Water World is off. You all got in your bathing suits. All you did was offend the shul. You don’t wear bathing suits in the sanctuary... (Devarim 1:42) H’ then says, “Don’t go, because I am not with you.” It makes no difference what you do. If H’ isn’t with you. You can't go prancing around a water park if H' isn't with you... Like fools, they went without H'. Just like the board deciding on this renovating the sanctuary. Do you think they were having meetings about renovating the altar in the Beit Hamidash... No. Exactly. They even got beaten up by the Amorites. Who gets beaten by the Amorites?!!! (Devarim 1:45) “Then you returned and wept before H’ and H’ didn’t listen to your voice...” At a certain point, forgiveness just isn’t there. You just can't hear it. At a certain point it gets annoying listening to your ideas of chandeliers in the sanctuary from people who are about to go swimming... I can hear you, Bernie… (Devarim 1:39) The kids that knew nothing at the time of the spies, they will go to Israel. The kids at our day school. They know nothing. Absolutely nothing. They don't even know Hebrew... It's called the Hebrew Day School, Ruchel!... Even though they're not very smart, we don't take it out on them... And Yehoshua and Calev. The ones who trusted in H’. Yes. They go to Israel. Because they didn't listen to the people. Listening to you ruins lives. We see what it did to the kids who actually listened in class. Their damaged... You can’t mess up and expect everything to always be good. You’re the reason for Tisha BAv... H’ is not with us. You haven’t messed up Tisha BAv. You are good with that. You have not listened to H’ and you have done a good job of keeping Galut going... It’s tradition to not greet on Tisha BAv. The Markowitz family is very good at Tisha BAv. Since they moved here, and not said Hello to anybody, they’ve been preparing for Tisha BAv. They are also very good Shiva house guests... They don’t say Shalom either. They see the rabbi and understand he is mourning, dealing with this congregation... You're not supposed to greet people when visiting a Shiva house. The Mullins come to Shiva Houses like it's a party. Like the guy is running for mayor... You see Bernie, you are talking. Taanit Dibur. It means a fast of words... I would even be fine with you eating. If you didn’t talk, I would say you could eat on Tisha BAv. I would even cover your dues... Our congregants should start the no talking fast before Tisha BAv. It might help bring redemption if you all stopped talking. Let’s stop talking now. How about we stop talking during my sermon?! So much messing up. You can't backtrack sometimes. You can't make things good when you lost H'. When you have to pay twenty-thousand dollars to send your kids to Jewish summer camp... We need food... When it's not Tisha BAv, we need food. We need a restaurant. People leave this town because they can't forgive this community for not having a Kosher place to eat. You can't backtrack on not having decent food... Chuck E. Cheese is not Kosher. Even if Jews eat there... How do you expect people to respect our community when there is nowhere to eat?! There are no Kosher restaurants... It's pathetic when going out means you’re going to Nachum Schwartz's for dinner. And even if makes a decent casserole, his house is not a restaurant... The pop-up thing Michel did is not a restaurant... You can call it a restaurant for a night in Michel's living room. But I know what it was. It was eating in the guy's living room. And they charged us. Ganavim... You are not a respectable Frum community without a shop. A pizza shop. A falafel shop... It has to be a shop. A shop where the owner is happy taking Jewish money. Jew haters are fine taking Jewish money. Anti-Semites are fine. We don't need a Jew running the shop. The last guy with the Kosher sushi complained all the time... I was fine with that guy closing. Every time I went in, he had a complaint for me... I'm the customer. I'm supposed to be the one complaining. I’m not going out to eat to deal with a congregant. I understand why he was always mad. He rightfully complained. He was dealing with our community... I am not saying Jews are cheap. I am saying you guys are impossible to run a business for. You don't support anything. You price compared everything with Kroger... Restaurants can charge more than a supermarket. The food preparation part costs. This is why the Jews were stuck in the desert. No support. Wanted everything handed to them. Like a free slice of pizza... (Devarim 1:45) Moshe praises Israel for repenting, acknowledging their sin. But H’ had taken an oath already (Bamidbar 12:21-23). He wasn't going to change that. Sometimes it's too late and we have to take the punishment. Repentance doesn't change things. It doesn't make for a better sanctuary with chandeliers or less complaining from every single one of you. Teshuva isn't going to get you a better deal on Jewish summer camp. Whatever our punishment for not having decent food. Having a messed up a community. Having this Markowitz family that doesn’t say Hi. Having to listen to people even when we have a Taanit Dibur. At least repent. You may not be forgiven. But do Teshuva. The Jews that went with the spies didn’t see Israel. But at least they did their part in Teshuva. Your children have hope... Because they're not you. And you paid twenty-thousand dollars to send them to camp. Even if you don’t see the Bait HaMikdash, your children might. What we learn from our ancestors is Teshuva. You repent even things may not change... And we’re still not going to Water World. I saw you all in your bathing suits. Some things are not to be forgiven... Seeing you... You can't backtrack kids coming to shul and having to see the bathing suit debacle. Let's not take it out on the kids that are spaced out and don't listen... They shouldn't go to the water park either, because they don't follow rules. That's dangerous... Rivka's Rundown It was horrific. I believe we need to wait till a healthier generation comes, to go back to Water World. Everybody was truly happy the rabbi brought up the cost of Jewish summer camp. They felt like he was speaking out for them. The rabbi was just complaining about how much it costed him. Either way, it turns out that Jewish summer camps are the cause for Galut. The rabbi has been going off on the Markowitzs the past couple weeks. I think he now appreciates the fact they don’t say Hi and he doesn’t have to talk to them. He wants more congregants that ignore him The rabbi pushing for the Taanit Dibur had a few not talking at Kiddish. They at least made it a point to not go over to the rabbi. I believe they got the message. The rabbi thanked everybody for helping make his Tisha BAv a meaningful one, by staying away from him. He said that was his best Kiddish ever. He sat and ate herring, and nobody disturbed him. He just focused on balancing herring on the Kichel. As he says, "It has taken years to master this. I need to focus." He didn’t have to give any advice. And four divorces happened this week. I believe it was because they didn't ask the rabbi for guidance. The rabbi usually advises them on how annoying they both are, and that they both have no chance of meeting anybody else, and they stay married. The rabbi said he had nothing to do with the divorces, as he was enjoying the herring. We have the only rabbi that feels that divorce helps with redemption of our people. To quote, “I am fine with the divorces. As long as they don't bother me. I understand why nobody wants to be married to our congregants.” The sushi owner complained because the community didn’t support his business. They said they wanted the place, but never ate there. It was the restaurant they "didn't go to." They thought as religious Jews there was a place they should go to. They didn't realize that joke was about shuls. I think community support means coming in once every half year to buy the cheapest thing on the menu and to check it comes with a lot. And then to tell the owner how they can do it better. The no kosher restaurant is a topic of conversation. It’s pathetic. The only town where Jews think it’s good to be a Jew with nowhere to eat. People visit and ask what Jews do. The answer, “We eat at home.” That’s how Jews go out. They eat at home. And the visitors want to know how we are all so heavy. The rabbi was adamant about the shop. It has to be a shop. Restaurants should be shops. The rabbi ended up getting a Hamas guy. He was fine. He said the guy is not in Israel, he can make good falafel. The Hamas guy scared everybody. He even put up a sign, “Our falafel is the bomb.” That scared the Jewish community. Great sense of humor. He uses Humus and Hamas interchangeably. "I put Hamas on your pita? HaHaHa." Turns out the Hamas guy is a regular American college student. He started hating Jews a couple years ago, when he didn't have Donald Trump to protest anymore. We got rid of the last caterer at our synagogue because he was a KKK member. The rabbi regrets that to this day. He said, "The best thing that can happen to the shul is to have more people that hate our members, other than me." We truly lose people because of this restaurant thing. They travel to other cities to eat out and then they stay there. They stay in the restaurant. They rent beds in the restaurant. They get very excited when they see what possibilities are out there. Anything other than Topeka is exciting. Anything outside of Topeka, even a shop. The keeping silent class was not successful. I've never seen so many questions thrown at the rabbi in one class. The rabbi thought his subtle message of not talking during the class would come out in the name "How to Keep Silent So the Rabbi Can Give a Class." Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Matos-Masai7/27/2025
Announcements
No violent greetings even if you are friends. Hellos shouldn’t hurt or injure people. And loud hugs must be kept to a minimum. Our seniors thought Zev and Nachum were fighting when they were saying "Shabbat Shalom." We are going to ask our Chazin only sings two tunes for Kedusha. Due to the use of modern songs in Kedusha, our congregants think that the lyrics to every Jewish song are “Naaritzcha vNakdishcha.” We want the new members to know that saying Hi to people is welcome in our community. We understand that you come from an area with a lot of Jews, where people like being ignored. Our shul is full of losers who like saying Hi and you’re the reason for Tisha BAv. Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Hurt People With a Shabbat Greeting. The Real Words to All the Tunes Our Chazin Steals and Uses for Naaritzcha. How to Run a Not Friendly Shul With Our New Congregants. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Happy Tisha BAv everybody. It’s coming up next week. I want to enjoy it this year... How do you enjoy? You mourn with your people. Not with the people of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. Mourning with you all is depressing... Reuven and Gad want to stay in this land they just got. Not in Israel. The same way ya’ll love Topeka. If there was Topeka in Egypt, you would’ve asked to stay... It’s nice. OK. It’s not Israel. You don't even have a Kosher restaurant here. How can you want to stay. As a Jew??? Reuven and Gad want to stay. They have good land. They have a guy willing to open a falafel shop... They at least got permission from Gd. The verdict. (Bamidbar 32:20-22) “Moshe says to them, ‘If you do this thing, if you arm yourselves before H’ for battle. And every armed man of yours crosses the Jordan before H’, until He drives out His enemies before Him. And the Land shall be conquered before H’..." Israel’s enemies are H’s. We have to drive them out. That is part of our calling as a nation... I have driven many potential congregants out of this shul. For Gd... "This thing" means joining your nation in battle... Well. Moshe didn't have your parents. Gd didn't live by your parents' grammatical rules. Vagueness was allowed, because everybody knew what they were talking about, and they weren't annoying. And they knew Torah. Unlike you all that sit in the back left... You guys wouldn't even join a discussion about Israel. Let alone a battle... Moshe continues, "And after this you shall return. And you shall be clean from H’ and Israel, and this Land shall be a heritage for you before H’.” Only once they go in and join their people in battle, is it a heritage and connected to H’ and the Jews. When you do nothing to help your people. When the only thing you do is watch FOX News. When you don't even pay your dues... I get it. FOX News is more pro-Israel. But if you're not fighting for your people. And I know some of you fight at Kiddish over the herring... It's not holy. None of this hear is connected to H', because you don't fight for your people. And you don't even mow your lawn... At least mow your lawn. H' appreciates decent lawns... We go out and we fight on behalf of H’. That is when we can return and know that our homes are good. That we are vindicated from H’ and from Israel. It's about not having to feel guilty... When you are part of that, you can be blessed. If you are not. If you’re sitting here all relaxed with herring on Kichel, which is amazing, while those that are fighting for you are not safe, your land is not blessed. It is not a heritage. You're living in Topeka for Moshe’s sake. Gd would have probably said no to Reuven and Gad going to Topeka. You go to Topeka to run away from your people... Is it not blatant? Do I have to say the soldiers??? Of course. It’s the soldiers. Tehy are the ones that bring us blessing. Not your children... Maybe before learning, go out there with your people. Fight. At least go to the back left of the shul and tell them to stop talking. Tell Bernie to be quiet. Do something for your people. Of course I am making the point that Americans should do the army. Your people are out there fighting. Nothing gives you the right... I know you can do what you want. But Gd and the Jewish people don't like you. That shouldn't be a shock. Sadie doesn't like you either... That’s why we’re proud of the Berkstein children, who joined Tzahal... Tzahal is the IDF. They are doing the army, unlike the Finkelman children and the... Fight for your people until they are safe. Have you fought for your people. Are you connecting with your people's plight?... Other than YouTube videos... It’s all fine and dandy. It’s not, until your people are resting secure. And not helping your people is not helping Gd... Because Gd wants that. If join in our brother's fight "this Land" is ours. Is it the land on the other side of the Jordan or does "this Land" mean Israel?... I don't know. That's why I'm asking. The one time you people choose not to talk... You haven’t helped your people. You've attacked with your Hellos. That's about it. Your greetings are very violent... Truth is I'm scared to get hugged by you. They're loud, and I will get hurt... You would think our people would have Shalom amongst ourselves. Zev is still attacking people to say Hi. This is why nobody wants close friends in the shul. They even hug violently. And it’s loud. We are not meant to fight each other with greetings... If you went in and hugged Hamas, the war would be over in a second. I don’t shake your hands, because... I get you work in construction. Calm down. We know you have a good grip. Don't have to prove you've used power tools this week. We get it... Sinat Chinam, baseless hatred, was caused by people saying Hello. The Chazin’s tunes have just confused our people. I don't believe they've helped. I am getting confused by the Chazin myself. The Chazin even got to me. I started thinking that the words to "Am Yisrael Chai" and "Kol HaOlam Koolo" are "Naaritzcha..." Those are songs. Their words are not "Naartizcha." Even "Adon Olam" isn’t "Adon Olam." "Lecha Dodi" to Chumbawumba’s "Tubthumping"? Is nothing out of limits... Oh. That song is "Keitzad Mirakdim Lifnei HaKala"? I thought it was "Lecha Dodi." I even corrected them at the wedding. I told them we sing that song Friday nights. Not for the newlyweds... Because of our Chazin misappropriating every Jewish song. We need regular tunes to the songs. I even had to ask why the Beach Boys are singing "Dror Yikra"... Join the army and then you can use whatever tunes... Do that Mi Shebeiyrach for Tzahal tune for Mi Shebeiyrach for Tzahal. Not "Naaritzcha" or whatever it is. I can't say I know... We can all fight in some way for the army of H’ by being nice. By fighting for Shalom in our people. That is our fight now. That and Hamas. And Iran. And everybody on college campuses, and everybody who hates Jews, your neighbors... There are a lot of people that hate us. I didn't realize is was that many. I thought it was only had to fight against the board... I am not supporting violent Hellos. Just Hellos... If you’re not joining in this battle, if you are not there with your nation (32:23) “you will have sinned to H’, and know your sin that will find you.” This congregation found me, and I take blame for that. The new family found us... We can’t stand the new family. The Markowitzs. I have to agree. You don’t say Hi. You think it’s cool to ignore people. The one thing our congregation does is not ignore people. Our congregants get in your face, ask about your family, and make you want to kill yourself. The one positive Mayla of our membership is we know everything about you... If you’re going to be here, say Hi. at least talk... Now you talk. First time you talk to anybody, when I’m giving a sermon... I thought you were fine being snobby... You pass people and don’t say Hi. How do you expect people to take it? Reuven and Gad wanting to stay on the other side of the Jordan. How do you think our people going to battle would take it?!... It's the unfriendliness that causes a disconnect amongst our people. How can you go to battle with your brothers if you don't even say Hi to them?!... You are the reason for Tisha BAv. Lashon Hara. You cause it. It's your not telling Samantha every single thing about your kids and how your cousins are doing, at Kiddish... I understand it's easier to stay away and enjoy Shabbat, not saying Hi to the other members here. I wish I could. But I go to battle every day against the congregants here... And now the Torah can go over all the travels of the Jewish people. Now that everything is understood. That we all have to fight for our people... Nothing here is ever understood. That's why we never have shul trips. The last trip to Slide and Fun as a shul was the most horrendous display of non-unity. When Avromy knocks over Shimmy for a horse on springs... The horse doesn't move. The springs are so hard... Sinning to your people is sinning to H'. And sometimes you have to fight. Which is why I am saying that the Chazin has to calm down with his songs. And you all have to greet people correctly... Then you will be part of the nation, and not sinning like you always do... Once the battle is over, OK. You can go back to being selfish. Being congregants of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah, singing "Naaritzcha" for every Jewish song. But when your people are fighting, you go out there. If you are with your people at those moments, you are vindicated. And I know we've fought some battles with members. And yes, they keep coming back. Some battles never end... May we all merit to be safe from congregants who ruin Kiddish, and a Chazin who ruins every Jewish song for me. And may we finally get a little Kosher restaurant here, so we can say this is Jewish. What kind of Jews have nowhere to eat... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi made everybody line up, and he coached them one by one, how to greet each other properly. In the middle of the sermon. He started with the handshake, then the look into the other person's eyes, then the part where you say "I have no idea what tune the Chazin is singing." He then held a class on greeting people correctly, according to Halacha. There was a lot of debate as to whether the greeting should be Good Shabbis, Good Shabbat or Shabbat Shalom. The rabbi squashed the debate, and said, "It's Tuesday. Just say 'Hello.'" I think the rabbi put telling Bernie to shut up on the same level of importance as fighting for the State of Israel and the Jewish people. The rabbi listed the good members of our congregation whose kids are serving in the IDF. He also listed all the kids who are in college and working as professionals, who bring no Nachis. And that included the Chazin. The rabbi wants a good Tisha BAv. He wants to enjoy it this year. He truly gets Hana’ah, enjoyment, out of mourning. Fran called 911 when she saw Nachum and Zev say "Hi." She got scared. Asked why there is gang violence in the shul. Fran said she carries her phone on Shabbat for emergencies. She said she drives her car on Shabbat for emergencies too. Just in case she has to get to the hospital, or pick up some groceries. I would put my money on it that Fran would call 911 to help with her groceries. The rabbi was saying the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed because people injured each other by saying "Hello" with too strong of a grip. I am happy I am a woman, I think a guy Hello might injure me. It does get confusing when we misappropriate every American song. Even Jewish songs. The liberal members of our congregation started holding up “We shall not misappropriate Naaritzcha songs” signs. One member held a sign saying “Give "Yankee Doodle" back to its rightful owners." There are a lot of people that hate us. The rabbi was going to say the fight is only with those close to us. Because they are very violent with how they say Hello and herring. It turned out that almost every nation hates us. Not just the members at our shul. The Markowitzs passed me without saying "Hi." We're not talking about passing my house. We're talking about in shul. Two hours after they met me, they already feel that we are close enough that they can ignore me. The rabbi gave the class on how to say hello to people. He also showed how a no look pass by might be taken as unfriendly, and might cost an invite to a Bat Mitzvah. Which is why the Markowitzs probably do it. They don't want anybody to like them. They don't want to have to go to Simchas. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Pinchas7/20/2025
Announcements
No Simcha Kiddish this week. It’s the Three Weeks. We understand how happy you are, living in America. Nonetheless, it was your lack of decent Kugel that destroyed the Temple. From now on, congregants should not pass by people’s homes without knocking on the door and saying Hi. It’s offensive. Like you don’t want to see them. Like you are protesting, letting them know you don't want to see that family. We want to commend the Berksteins on their family’s ability to look depressed and not happy. You are greatly spiritual in your depression. The Tisha BAv program this year is the movie Happy Gilmore. As it is tradition to screen a movie on Tisha BAv, we shall continue that tradition. We also want to thank the greater Topeka Jewish community for organizing the Jewish Film Festival during the Nine Days. If we didn't have some decent Jewish romcoms, we might have been a little down, due to the destruction of the Temples. Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Not Be Happy By Joining Our Shul- Lessons in Spirituality and Hatred of Members. Mourning By Having to Deal with Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefillah- After the Nine Days Should the Rabbi Still Have to Deal With You. How to Knock on Doors and Bother People When They Don’t Want to See You- Board Advice. How to Keep Chipper During the Nine Days By Watching Movies about Family Trips. How Our Synagogue Turned the Berksteins to H'. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... I don’t know why nobody names their daughter Chaglah. Noa, Milkah and Tirzah. I’ve see those. Even Machlah gets a name. They'd rather name their daughter “Disease” than Chaglah... (Bamidbar 27:6-7) H’ says to listen to the daughters of Tzalfchad and girls should receive land if they have no brothers... Brothers do kill everything. Look at Junior Congregation. The Plotnik kids... We listen to women when they complain. But not the sisterhood, whose only goal is to not have an enjoyable Kiddish... But it’s more. (Bamidbar 27:8-11) There is a list of the tiers of who gets the land of inheritance, and it ends with the closest thing to family.... You're not considered the closest when you get them to sign over their bank account to you. Good question, and reason for loving your parents... And you don’t even show up to funerals. You can care less about previous generations. You just want to take. We don’t just pass on the land to the next generation. (Bamidbar 27:15-17) Moshe is going to die. He asks H’ to ensure there will be a leader... Yehoshua. Sorry, I didn’t want to give away the story... Well. Yes. You should know that Yehoshua is the leader after Moshe... Then read the Torah in English. There is a whole book in Neviim about Yehoshua leading the Jews... Ruchele is a decent leader. I do not believe H' voted her in as president of the shul... Our shul is not divine. I did not say, "H'. We need a new president..." Our congregants don't learn the tradition, and you have ruined every old house. Every decent home is now infested with this generation... Of course there is no foundation, you don't even put in new gutters. The water... Yes. The water of strife is killing your homes. Fighting over who the house belongs to... When there is no tradition, you fight and you get a house like the Finkelmans, all infested... Moshe is thinking of his people. Not the money... It’s amazing how our previous generations thought about how they will pass on the tradition. Our peoplehood. How to ensure that at the least, their future generations will have a decent Kiddish. We pass on tradition... Sometimes through land. You wanted your parents to go so you could inherit... I don't think the laws of Yerushah hold the same weight in Topeka. Progeny is about understanding our past and what we come from.... You don’t just take the land. You remorse. You mourn for our loss as a people. You think about how we ended up with members like Bernie and... The Beit HaMikdash was a loss. And I don’t think it was because there were no Chaglahs... This is why the one time of year of mourning, and you're all having a blast. I've never seen you guys so happy. The only time you want a Simcha Kiddish is now. The only time you celebrate is when the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed... “Our people are being massacred. Let’s celebrate now”... Stop it Shmuli. You wouldn’t even sponsor Kiddish if we had it. Stop trying to look good now, Shmuli... All the sudden Shmuli is willing to throw a huge party for the whole shul, for Tisha BAv. You wouldn't even spend on a Kiddish. Not even Kichel... If Mashiach comes, you will find a way for him to cover the Kiddish... Tradition is not to speak Lashon Hara... I know your parents and your parents' parents spoke Lashon Hara. Tradition is to get along. To be kind... Well. Then sometimes we're not supposed to follow tradition. Point is the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed because we didn't get along and you're all passing the Feldowitz home... You're offending the Feldowitzs. You all walk past their house and they think everyone is mad at them... Well that's what it looks like... Then at least wave. Do not knock on my door. The rabbi doesn’t want you knocking on his door. I am not offended when you don’t stop by my house. I am bothered when I have to see you... So nobody wants anybody at their home?! I'm the rabbi. For me it's a job to have to deal with you. Very painful... So nobody wants anybody in their home. Hachansat Orchim is off in this congregation. Walking past the Feldowitz house has killed the idea of having guests. It's the board's fault. Making that dumb announcement of stopping by the Feldowitz Mishpuchi, who doesn't even offer coffee. Worst advice. Knocking on People's doors. This is what we deal with in board meetings. Dumb ideas. And then they turn into programs and people moving away, just to get away from our membership. Worried they'll have to see our members during the week... Again. No brothers. No understanding of progeny and getting along. No understanding that Yerusha, inheritance, is something people want to keep for themselves... The Berksteins are closer to H’ than you all. They are more devout.... Because they do not smile. They did not get any Yerusha... Looking down means you're closer to Gd... They used to smile. And then they started coming to shul. They saw the kids at Junior Congregation and the Feldowitz family. They had Kiddish put together by our sisterhood... Spirituality is when you are not happy. When you don't have parties during the Three Weeks. When you don't have movie-a-thons during the Nine Days. If you were spiritual, you would also not look happy... One day to become more spiritual is to have more of our members pop over and knock on your door to say Hi... It’s about respect. Doing things the right way. The way our ancestors did it. Delis. Not smokehouses... That is when we’re deserving of... I understand we’ve shown movies every year on Tisha BAv, but Happy Gilmore... I know Adam Sandler is Jewish. And we can mourn intermarriage... But it's always been a screening of Schindler’s List. It’s not any movie you see on Netflix... The fact that you all walk out saying, "It was such a good movie." You're loving the Three Weeks... It's between the bad times. That's what time it is. I know Shabbat with you all is not good times. The days between Shabbat in this community are between the bad times... Shabbat is great times, when you are with a sisterhood that makes a decent Kugel and people aren't all knocking on the rabbi's door... The Three Weeks is the national bad times. And our board would've destroyed the Beit HaMikdash. Our Jewish Community Committee would've also... It's the bad times, even with Happy Gilmore and a Simcha Kiddish... Don't get me started on the film festival. What idiots. Organizing it during the Nine Days. Any excuse to not mourn. The greater Jewish community of Topeka now does Shivas as a program. One day. A Seven Minute Shiva... All selfish. All about your own enjoyment. Moshe wants to ensure the people don't enjoy too much... Because then you get kicked out of the land, Bernie. The reason I'm still here is I do not enjoy it. Moshe appoints Yehoshua in front of the people... Because you people question everything. The board is still getting questions as to whether or not I was hired. I had to post the contract on the shul bulletin as proof... (Bamidbar 27:23) “And he put his hands on him and commanded him, as H’ had spoken through Moshe”... H’ did command Moshe to put the hands on Yehoshua... Yes. Moshe put his hands on Yehoshua. He didn’t smack Yehoshua. It wasn’t a fight in front of all the people. He leaned his hands on him. That is Smicha... It wasn't like Mr. Feldowitz, when he ran after Gershman to whack him for passing by his house... Rabbi Moshe Feinstein teaches that hands on a head force one to lower their head. A student has to follow his rabbi, therefore the head is bent. It is the bending of the head that symbolizes following. Rabbis have to be subservient to their rebbes’ teachings. And I believe Rabbi Feinstein said this to everybody who got Smicha from him... Be subservient to Torah. Tradition... Moshe's last name was not Feinstein. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein did not lead us out of Mitzrayim. Moshe’s last name was Son of Amram... They didn't have last names back then. You had to describe, "Oh. The Moshe with the curly hair. The one that wears the pleated pants. Yeah. That one." “You mean Amram’s son.” It is the passing of tradition. That's why you keep a home in the family... Portion. You keep the portion in the family... Not cake. A portion... And this is why it is so important that land remain with the families, even if girls asked. Reading the Torah and knowing who Yehoshua is part of that. You should not get your parents' stuff without knowing who Yehoshua is... Rivka's Rundown You have to be an idiot to ask our rabbi what he meant when he said Yehoshua. Every sermon has the lesson. You have to follow Torah, and this shul is full of a bunch of fools. And the Tzelafchad explanation. They should've never asked the rabbi to explain what the daughters of Tzelafchad wanted a portion of. The rabbi trying to explain that the portion wasn't a bigger serving of soup, added an extra twenty minutes to the sermon. It then took another thirteen minutes for people to agree on how to spell Tzelafchad. Which ended up on them deciding to spell it in Hebrew. The women started complaining about the rabbi saying that we learn from the daughters of Tzelafchad that we listen to women when they complain. The rabbi was in a catch 22. He had no idea how to respond to that complaint. I think the rabbi said that even Gd didn’t want to hear the girls going off. He gave in just to not have to hear them anymore. The rabbi started giving Yerusha tests, to decide if people should receive their inheritance, due to connection to our past. People ended up finally learning Torah in our shul. All it took was inheritance. To note, we did a congregational study. It turns out that once people receive their inheritance, they stop coming to shul. This is why parents don't give the Yerusha to their children while they're alive. Our congregants have the worst timing. The fact that they're planning a shotgun wedding for Michael and Sarah before Tisha BAv is crazy. The rabbi is correct. It’s all the people who never sponsor Kiddish that are screaming about it not having the Simcha Kiddish now. Because they know it won't happen, they are saying they're willing to pay for it. It was the same when it came to paying for day school. Every one of our members was willing to pay full tuition to the Jewish elementary day school when their kids were in college. Somehow, the day school did not accept university students. To look good, some of these shnurers even complained that their kids were qualified, and would do well in the fifth grade. Now everybody is praying for Mashiach, so that we will have a huge Kiddish they don't have to pay for. This is what our congregants have been pining for. Choolante that is covered by Gd's messenger eternally. The rabbi maintains that if the sisterhood made a decent Kugel, the Beit Hamikdash would've been rebuilt. What respect for progeny and tradition has to do with people walking through my house, I do not know. I would also rather see families walk by. The Feldowitz home is in the wrong spot. They can see everybody passing. You can’t read into everybody walking by your home. Now, you can’t go for a Shpatzir without the Feldowitzs feeling slighted. The truth is that everybody goes to the Hermans. They walk past the Feldowitzs to go to the Hermans. The Hermans give you coffee and Danish. People don't like the Feldowitzs. I don't even think they like the Hermans. But they do like a decent cheese Danish and coffee. Now people walk an extra half mile to get to shul, so that Simi Feldowitz doesn’t get offended. People ended up moving away because of the board’s ordinance of friendliness. It turns out most people don’t want stop bys. Other than the Feldowitzs, people appreciate seeing people pass their home. It turns out that people have anxiety attacks and worry that they might have to see other members during the week. Petitions were signed. Now there is a list of people you can’t say Hi to. People you have to stay away from due to the threat of you waving at them when passing their homes. There were restraining orders. People now don’t have Shabbis guests. People have now started hiding when people passed their homes. Hiding when I'm passing your home is more offensive than not stopping in. Seeing them through the window, shutting the shade real fast because they see me. That hurts. I am going to propose the no shutting shades ordinance next board meeting. The Berksteins don’t smile. They are truly devout. I see them with their eyes closed too. They squint a lot. Very devout people. They must walk like that. The rabbi hates the greater Jewish community more than our shul. He said that to some of the people after services on Shabbis. Those were the kindest words the rabbi has ever said to our membership. It was touching. I think the exact words were, "I couldn't believe it. Topeka has greater heretics than you." A Jewish Film Festival for when Jews aren't supposed to watch Films. The federation is saying, "That's makes it Jewish." It was the timing of the film festival, during the Jewish mourning period, that triggered the rabbi. He stood outside and let everybody know how wrong it was. He even protested the Israeli movies. That just looked bad. The Hamas supporters started hugging the rabbi, thanking him for helping in their cause of BDS. The New York Times somehow got hold of this, and put our rabbi on their cover. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Balak7/11/2025
Announcements
This Sunday is the 17th of Tamuz. On this day, Moshe broke the tablets, the Jews had to stop the daily sacrifice in the Temple, Apostomos burned a Torah, an idol was placed in the Temple, and the walls of Jerusalem were breached in 69CE. Please don’t cause any other tragedies for our people. We understand you’re members of our shul and the reason people hate Jews. We ask Nachum uses suntan lotion. It’s painful to have to see him all sunburned. We ask he speaks to his dermatologist before boating. The Simchovitz Zayde’s Yahrzeit is this week. He was a good man. He did a lot of good for the community. His children haven’t even donated a Kiddish. Contemporary Halacha Class: The Reality of Connecting to Our People's Sorrows By Spending Time with Our Congregants. How to Put Your Life at Risk on a Boat By Being Pale- Like Nachum. How to Get Every Older Woman in Shul to Worry About You- Like Nachum. How to Connect to Your Ashkenazi Roots- Like Nachum. How to Get Everybody to Hate You and Cause More Exile By Not Sponsoring Kiddish. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... They truly do hate us even when we are good... I am not referring to our congregants. I am referring to our people. There's reason to not like the board as well... Like the donkey who says to Bilam (Bamidbar 22:28-30) “Why did you strike me... Have I not been your donkey forever? Have I ever acted like this?” They blame us for stuff. Have we ever been accustomed to violence? Have we ever... Other than trying to get a good deal, what has our people done? That and the membership of our shul... At that point, shocked that his donkey would have the Chutzpah to talk to him like that, Bilam backs down. Sometimes, we have to questions ourselves. Our decisions. We have to not blame others. We have to take blame for our children... Sending them away is a way to deal with it as well. The children are not here right now, and that's what matters. Let's focus on that Bracha... Bilam shouldn’t have gone to curse the Jews, as Balak wanted. But Bilam’s ego got in the way. The same way the Michel's ego got in the way when he pushed Bernie over to pull out the Torah himself... You weren't even called up. You ran up to the Aron and pulled it out. You also got an Aliyah that you weren't called up for that day. You were possessed. If you would've just been decent at ping pong, your ego would've been satiated. Bernie would've taken out the Torah... And yes. We do now have a ping pong committee... It wasn't your Aliyah. Your Michel Avraham Ben Simcha HaKohen. It was the fourth Aliyah... Bilam is now with Balak and he goes off to hear from H’. Balak wants Bilam to curse the Jews. Balak was diplomatic. Political leaders can't do that themselves. They have to find other people to do it for them. Which is how we have the EU. He tells Balak that he can only say what Gd tells him. This is how you get out of trouble. You say "H' made me say it." Do you know how many times I got smacked for cursing out my teachers as a child, and then blaming it on H'? I believe you have to be older to be inspired by H'. You can tell somebody they're ugly "because Gd says so," once you're in your fifties. (Bamidbar 23:5) "H’ puts words in Bilam’s mouth and He says, 'Return to Balak, and thus shall you speak.'" "Thus" is not my words. Did H' speak ancient English? I do not know. The words are not revealed until Bilam is in front of Balak again. For some reason Bilam couldn't be trusted. The same way you can't trust the board. (Bamidbar23:7-12) Beautiful words of blessing and solidarity come out of Bilam’s mouth. Balak doesn’t like it. But he is speaking words of Gd. Many people don't like the word of Gd. It kills their day. Bilam is possessed by money here. Money and fame. His ego gets in the way of our following H'... If the board would've let H' speak, He would've said, "Give the rabbi a raise. Let him vacation. Let him enjoy not seeing you"... They would've heard H' say, "These people are idiots." When we are not influenced by our ego, pure words come out. Blessing. Words that I have not heard spoken at Kiddish. "That was a good Kugel"... I have never heard anybody say that, because not one of our members can make a decent Kugel. Not one meeting for the renovations of the shul has had H’ involved... You chose a water slide over a Torah... It’s not about being the popular shul. It's about H' and listening to what He is saying... H' didn't say to have a Bouncie Bima. He didn't say to have the Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah Lazy River... Thank Gd we got rid of it. It took a half hour to get from the Bima to the ark after Torah reading... When Bilam is looking over the Jewish camp, you think he’s thinking "they’re cool." "Those are the people I want to hang with. Davening Mincha. A bunch of with it people. I want to sit at their table. They even have that Matzah stuff"... That's how they used to talk. "With it" is how you say a ninety-year-old still has a personality... You have a low standard of awakeness. Like Bernie is awake for a couple minutes of Davening. He's old. So, he's with it. If he was thirty, we would be calling the paramedics... Truth is Michel saved us. Why is Bernie taking out the Torah. He might fall asleep when opening the ark... Thank Gd Bilam didn't see Camp Menashe Himmel in the Catskills. He would've said, "The Jewish people are bad athletes." When you are pure and don't have the ego in the way, you don't blame. You praise. Purity of thought. No congregants... Our congregants have the reputation. We can judge them. They cause tragedy. Curse. Not Bracha... I don’t know if it’s ego. Maybe it’s just stupidity. Lack of hearing H’... It's the ego. That's how you make your dumb decisions... It's because you don't listen to me... What happened in the WNBA this week? Tragedy. Caitlin Clark got hit again... It might have been because our congregants are fans... Turns into a curse for Caitlin. The shul trip to watch her play in Chicago is going to be painful... The renovations committee. A total tragedy. Our shul was destroyed. Didn't even need Bilam... It was not listening to H'. Making ego decisions like a bigger Aron. How big of a Torah do you plan to get, that you need a twenty-five-foot-high ark?! Our congregants can't even lift the one-and-a-half-foot Torah... Nachum. You’re just not good looking. Always wear something on you... The burns all over you. Ouch. It hurts having to see you... Gardening? Were you gardening on a stove? My pure thoughts say Nachum doesn’t think... If you thought, you would've worn a hat... The big red thing on the top of your head... If you gardened without an ego, you woud've heard H' saying, "There is sun right now. It's the middle of the summer"... Point is that Bilam would've even worn a hat... He wouldn't have joined our people for Matzah. This isn't jail. Benjy thinks this is the whole joining Kosher because you're in jail thing... Your Zayde was a good man Mr. Simchovitz. You guys. That’s a different story... It was a different time. Jews were good people back then. They were kind. They listened to H'. They listened to their rabbi... It's ego to not sponsor Kiddish. H' would've said, "Serve an excellent Kugel that people will like. Something not made by the Sisterhood." Good people who used to have purity. Before social media. A time when Lashon Hara was pure. When people meant it. That's what Balak wanted from Bilam. If we put our egos down and let H’s words come out, it is words of blessing... Yes. Torah. Pinchas. And holiness. What else would it be. Lord of the Rings?! Are those H’s words???!... Lord of the rings is not the one to listen to. It's not Gd. Of course, Bilam gets out a bit of a curse later on. You can always find a way to curse the Jews. Anti-Semites have an uncanny ability... Even when we’re not talking about our membership at Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah, an anti-Semite will find it. I feel like cursing somebody. Right now, looking out at the shul. Even right before Yud Zayin Tamuz.... Rivka's Rundown I think the rabbi just used the whole Bilam story to let the congregants know how much he can't stand them, by saying what he says is what Gd wants. If I'm not mistaken, H' wants us to give the rabbi a raise and to let him go on vacation. He also wants Samantha to stop chewing gum in shul, and for Max to stop coughing. And for Bernie to not talk. H' also wants to get rid of the board. He wants no committees too. So many bad decisions have been made in the congregation due to ego. Nobody looks at our shul and thinks we're cool. We will never get people coming here to be part of the popular crowd. We are dependent on spirituality for membership. That's how big of losers we are. The rabbi even taught people how to close their eyes to look more penitent in shul, and shut up. If Bilam would've seen our congregation and the camp our kids go to, he would've been cursing. If he got charged how much we have to pay for camp nowadays, he would've been cursing. And H' would've supported it. Benjy is still living with a jail mentality. Just got out for the fifth time. I don't know why we let him in the shul. He just got locked up again for grand larceny. And the rabbi gives him the code. They even voted him as the Gabai for next year. That's how much nobody wants to be Gabai. Why Benjy doesn't steal smaller items, I don't get it. But the rabbi trusts him with the Torah. Michel is truly bad at ping pong. Once his ego got hit, he got possessed. He ran with the Torah. They thought he was stealing it. He was just running with it because his ego got shot in ping pong. Hence, he didn't listen to H' and he got tackled by Benjy. Benjy won't let anybody else steal anything. One bad decision and that's it. Ego gets in the way, you knock over a ninety-year-old, and you lose your job managing a nursing home. There is a ping pong committee. It started as a club. But it was in shul so the board voted and said they had to call it a committee. You have to have a committee for everything in our shul now. The napkins committee voted on cheaper napkins. Now we have those wax style napkins at Kiddish and people are just rubbing the food from one side of their face to the other. What has the ping pong committee done? They've played ping pong. Have they discussed ping pong? As a committee they have to host a requisite two hour meeting every month, where they discuss playing ping pong. The committees are more of a discussion group. They're book clubs for people who don't read. By the way, in shul, we have a book committee who changes over the Siddurs when the holidays come around. Thank Gd we got rid of the water park idea. They brought in a slip and slide to the sanctuary and used that as the lazy river around to test out the concept. The water park and bouncy shul idea did draw people. None of them were Jewish. B"H, we didn't take entrance on Shabbat. So, nobody was wearing a bathing suit in the sanctuary. Even the Simchovitz family, those heretics who can't get us a Kiddish. would've been offended by bathing suits. Mark did suggest that bathing suits should be allowed in the sanctuary, as they are suits. Point the rabbi was making is it's not just about drawing people. It's about what H' wants. Based on the feedback and support of the young families with kids we're trying to draw, H' does seem to want a bouncy themed temple. The rabbi sees having to deal with congregants as a tragedy. They ask him when a Bris should be, that’s a tragedy. What time Davening is, it's a tragedy. I think he is extremely frustrated with us. I think any member of our shul is a tragedy. A reason to hate Jews. I think I understand the rabbi. The renovations committee is messed up. They are the reason the Beit Hamikdash was destroyed. It was their decisions. Nachum was gardening this week. He should hibernate during the summer. The guy burns when he walks to shul. We need more Zaydes in the congregation, to tell the parents they’re doing stuff wrong. The Simchovitz have given nothing to the shul. Other than joining the renovations committee and insisting that they be on the demolition sub-committee. Why we need a sub-committee to decide a second time to destroy the place makes no sense. They just better not destroy the bouncy house. The bouncy house is what draws people to shul. Even there, on the renovations sub-committee, they destroy what their dad built. I have never seen the rabbi as passionate about a class, as he was when he gave the Shiur for the Three Weeks, Bein HaMetzarim, on The Reality of Connecting to Our People's Sorrows By Spending Time with Our Congregants. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Chukat7/6/2025
Announcements
To celebrate of July 4th and US Independence, we’ll have choolante. End of Year Celebration. Summer break. July. It’s a coming into July celebration. We are happy to say the kids aren’t here. We are celebrating not having to see your kids. A Simcha this Tuesday night. The program will be highlighted by no kids. The American Antisemitism program was greatly attended. We want to thank everybody for coming and learning about hatred of Jews. The rabbi did not come. To quote the rabbi: “I try to stay away from antisemitism. I will not go to a program that promotes it.” The Jews at the Amusement Park program was greatly attended last week, because it wasn’t in shul. We will plan to have our next program at the Drinking Pit, as congregants will show to that. Contemporary Halacha Class: How Choolante Made America Frum- Getting Fatter on Thursday Nights in Monsey. How to Celebrate a Bar Mitzvah Without Kids So That Everybody Will Be Happy. Why Programs on Antisemitism Draw People Who Also Hater Learning Torah. Should Our Shul Get a Water Slide or a New Torah- Discussions in Modern Jewish Practice. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Stop complaining about the cost of camp. The Jews were complaining to Edom because they were slaves for hundreds of years... You raised kids who are annoying. It’s not the same. Having to cook dinner does not mean you’re a slave. It’s called cooking... “Slaving over the soup” is not a respectable form of slavery... Freedom doesn’t mean your kids can pass through shul and bother everybody trying to Daven. You just freed yourselves from those annoying things. It’s like years of freedom. Each day at summer camp is a year of freedom. And that costs. Your kids not being here is freedom... (Bamidbar 20:17-20) Edom doesn’t let the Jews pass through. After sharing the story with their cousins, and even saying, “We won’t use anything”. Even after saying, “We won’t turn right or left till we pass through your land.” It's like the time the Hershkovitz Mishpuchi didn't host anybody for the Frankel Bat Mitzvah. The Frankel's cousins had to stay at a hotel. Thus killing the weekend... When you have to spend $280 on a room, per night, for a Bat Mitzvah, you are not happy. I believe their family broke up because of it... Bat Mitzvahs should not cost a guest more than eighty dollars for the weekend... We were telling Edom we weren't going to bother them. Your kids are annoying, and they bother everybody Ruchel. Even at the Bat Mitzvah... Even not drinking water. Edom first threatens with the sword and then comes out to kill the Jews. Or at least with “a vast force and a strong hand.” There is no end to the hatred. Anti-Semites don’t want us even passing through... I am saying your kids should not be passing through the Bima in the middle of Musaf. That's not antisemitism... Edom is how to not do Hachnasat Orchim. Edom and the Hershkovitz family are not good at welcoming guests... Look what happened in Europe... This is what happens when you don’t have Hachnasat Orchim. Kids running all around. A messed-up July 4th celebration with choolante... You end up with a hatred of people. You don’t even offer me a drink. The rabbi passes by your house. You’re like Edom... I do get the sense we need a strong force here to keep out congregants. Most of you show up to shul once a month... The daily is safe of anti-Semites. They know Jews don't go... Our congregants don't show up to Davening unless if they have a Yahrzeit. To Daven alone... What makes Edom so disgusting is how they treat people finding freedom. I’m trying to find freedom from this congregation. But you are evil. You all still come to shul. Once a month. But you still come. July 4th is about freedom. You help people with freedom. You bring the food. You offer it. Don’t be like Edom. Offer food and punch... A Jew would’ve offered fruit punch to people passing through. You come to shul, you help feed people... No soup kitchen. You don't draw that element. It is Independence Day weekend and we have a lot of divorcees in this shul. Dads can’t even pass through their own houses anymore... Let the divorcees into your home. Support them. Help people with their freedom... Always choolante. How is choolante American?... So, say you put hot dogs in it for July 4th... Why don’t you celebrate America by mowing your lawn, Shlomo?! Celebrate freedom. Fight Edom... Tucker Carlson is Edom. Don't let kids pass through... Sending your kids to camp is a way of showing love for your people. It’s kindness. It supports freedom in our shul. For the Jewish people... We are celebrating July 4th Shabbat by not having to see kids. It’s amazing. July is finally here. And Pinny, Bernie, and Leah Sarah are not. The kids are not here. B”H... The end of the year. Or is it July. We celebrate July. Because the kids are gone... Why is the youth director getting paid? I understand, you have a youth director and that draws kids... Well. Right now, Merv is doing a great job. Kids are not here. Yashkoych Merv. Merv deserves a raise... What happens when Edom acts as they do, there is hatred everywhere. They won’t even let us into the Topeka amusement park anymore. Antisemitism... Why would I go to an antisemitism program? I’m not an idiot... Then why are you calling it an "Antisemitism Program." It's like you're calling people to come to learn how to be better anti-Semites. You could've had the shul board present that program... Well. Antisemitism was in the title. You were promoting it. I didn’t go to the amusement park either... Because there are anti-Semites there Ruchel. To not allow Jews anymore... I heard one of our members went to the water park and took off their shirt. Great way to fight back and claim it as ours. I am proud of Menachem. We all know how out of shape Menachem is... It was told to me that Jews are not allowed to go down water slides anymore. The town council head called me and said it is a rabbinic ordination... Due to how out of shape our community is... Of course they are going to make you pay if you want to still go, after the banned us... They are trying to keep Jews out of the amusement park... It’s not antisemitism. They just know you don’t pay your dues... It seems like you value water slides more than Torah. The lesson we learn from Edom is to be kind. Let family pass through... From what Edom didn't do. Every day I learn from the board... The problem happened when they weren’t even willing to give them a drink. Have decent choolante for them... Don’t be like Edom. Treat people in search of freedom right. Send your kids to camp... Finally, I can Daven. (Bamdibar 20:21) “So Israel turned away from them.” Sometimes you have to stay away from evil, even if it’s your cousins. And this is why everybody hates the Hershkovitzs... Run from evil. And this is why I will be going on vacation next month... Rivka's Rundown The rabbis July 4th sermon was so touching. Especially the part about getting rid of kids for freedom. The rabbi’s message of being parents, though, is not going over the way he wants. They are still having kids. The Fountain Dew Hotel is not the greatest place. It's more like a motel guest house. But it's the only thing close to shul, and they charge a lot. The cost makes it more regal, and it is quite spacious if you hang out at the park right next to the Fountain Dew. Due to the rabbi's message, Hachnasat Orchim has changed in our shul. Now people are regularly cutting through my house on the way to shul. And they're calling me Edom, because I lock my doors when I'm sleeping. The rabbi had the community out up in arms, looking for Edom, to fight the battle for our people. Once they realized that Harry's Doughnuts was fine with Jews shopping there, they relaxed a bit. They also realized that the mall was fine with Jews going in there and not buying anything. It turns out that Edom is not in Topeka, except for out the Fountain Dew, where they charge too much. And at the Hershkovitz house. Never seen a rabbi so happy to celebrate not having to see his congregants for a week. I think he thought end of year gets him out of work too. The rabbi was not himself for a couple of days, after hearing that he was still the rabbi of the shul. The July end of year celebration was for the school year, but he was happy not having to see the kids. To quote the rabbi's words he gave over at the celebration, “If only the parents left for the summer too.” They served choolante on a barbecue. This made the July 4th celebration more American. There is a certain point where being Frum doesn't seem to capture the gestalt of America. At my family July 4th celebration we had deli. Pastrami is Jewish and American. Merv took the rabbi's message to heart. He stopped working altogether. There are no youth groups for the summer. The director gets paid for organizing not having kids in the shul. And the rabbi decided that Merv should be doing that all year, as "the shul is so much better without youth." Why so many Jews showed to the antisemitism program, I am wondering about that myself. They banned Jews from going to water parks now in our town, thanks to Menachem's torso. The Jews are now protesting. Why Jews want to go places they are not wanted, I still can't figure this out. The antisemitism program and the water park now. Our congregants should be walking around with picket signs. Go down the water slides yelling in an act of protest. And because they're scared of shirtless Menachem. They should truly ban that guy from everywhere. Scare as anything. There was a big fight at the water park, as at the antisemitism event they said to make a big deal and fight antisemitism. It turns out the park was against the act of public scariness of Jews in bathing suits. Children were scared. The town council suggested we keep Menachem in shul until he doesn’t scare people anymore. The rabbi was against that. The rabbi had to fight with the town to suggest to keep Menachem away from Minyin. The rabbi said that was not an act of antisemitism. It's just that the rabbi is scared of having to see congregants. After much discussion and protest, Jews are now allowed at the water park with sweatshirts. It is the worst amusement park. When you name the amusement park after your own city, that people are trying to get out of. People try to get out of Topeka to enjoy themselves. And now they're going to the Topeka Amusement Park. The renovations committee decided on the water slide in the sanctuary, to draw more people. The idea of a new Torah was nixed, due to the lack of draw. The idea is to now have services at the Drinking Pit. I personally think we need kids around, to get the guys out of the Drinking Pit and back to shul for Davening. One positive aspect of kids is that they can't drink in shul, unless if Rob is there. Rob is the schnapps man to the children. The candyman job was already taken. Rob wanted to do something for the youth. I shouldn’t have said I would use shul money and do non-profit renovations to my house if I was on the board, last week. That was a mistake. The IRS is now auditing me. It turns out that I never hear about the programs when they're happening. They're always showing up in the announcements after they're done. It must be one of those new shul safety things where you announce the program afterwards, so the anti-Semites don't find out. Though, I still think Menachem should warn people before taking off his shirt. It's disgusting. I would understand antisemitism if that was the reason. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Korach6/29/2025
Announcements
Our Sefer Torahs are now covered for fire and wind. So everybody should feel safe carrying the Torah and reading from it. Torah insurance is important and holy, as Baruch sold it to us. And Baruch gave his word on the Torah that we need Torah insurance for H'. Simcha wants to apologize for taking the Bris leftovers. He thought that since it was there, it was for the taking. He wants the congregation to know that he will not take any leftovers from any more Simchas. You can invite him to weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. Our shul has now decided to say extra Tefillahs for the war. It would be good if you showed up to shul to say the prayers. Rabbi’s Message: I would not trust any of you to pray for our people at home. Your individual Kavanah, which didn’t help Sharon heal after she got her tonsils taken out, will lead to catastrophe. Contemporary Halacha Class: Laws of Stealing When it Comes to the Torah Which Says Not to Steal. How Malkie Buys Everything- Is Selling to Malkie Schwartzberg Stealing from Mark Schwartzberg. When Is it Considered Stealing from The Bal Simcha- Is it Two Servings of Hash Browns. Why We Need Communal Tefillah and How to Stop Our Community from Affecting Prayers. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... You complain like Bnei Yisrael after Korach gets swallowed by earth... I understand that’s a bit dramatic. Have you ever heard Cindy and Carol whine? Bnei Yisrael was not that high pitched... H’ wouldn’t have heard them... When you complain about the new doorway dimensions, it's at such a high pitch... Even after you see I am right, you complain. You ask “why is this rabbi leading the congregation?” Because you hired me!!! You would’ve hired Moshe and Aharon... H’ would’ve hired me. After Korach is swallowed up by the earth and then more protesting by the Jewish people, there's another plague. Which is the normal response to continued complaining from congregants... I’ve thrown lice on my children... This shul needs a plague. Something to stop the board and the committees... They're a plague themselves. Plagues beget plagues... Maybe locusts at the next meeting... (Bamidbar 17:9-15) Due to the people complaining after the Korach fiasco a plague begins amongst the people... How often do you have to be wrong? At a certain point, it’s time for a plague. Which is why I propose pinching anybody that asks questions to the rabbi... Aharon stops the plague with his incense... This is not a sermon against drugs... I’m not pro-drugs. It’s just incense, Bernie. He stood among the people with incense. That stops plagues. And the poignant smell of marijuana... (Bamidbar 17:13) “And he stood between the dead and the living, and the plague stopped.” You have to put yourself on the line to stop destruction. I have stopped so many people from joining this shul... The congregants of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefillah have destroyed enough lives. I've seen your children... Our soldiers have been out there, acting on behalf of our people. Saving us. Standing between the dead and the living. Standing there on behalf of our people... Our congregants won't even stand between Lenny and the other kids trying to get a couple candies from a Bar Mitzvah candying... Lenny is quite violent. Our renovation committee has done nothing!!! You can't even save a Torah... Renovations do not help save a Torah. Rashi teaches that Aharon stopped the angel from his mission from H’. He let the angel know that it is H’s will, as what Moshe says is only from Gd, to stop the plague. You can't argue with that. Yet. I get arguments about the crown molding on the doorway all the time... Plagues beget plagues. And plagues stop plagues. Who is standing in between the sinners of our shul and the good people of other congregations? Who is making sure the plague of our shul board doesn’t spread... A plague will not hit the Torah. The plague is the shul board wasting money on everything... Fire and wind damage protection on a Torah?! It’s a Torah??! Who brings a Sefer Torah to a bonfire... Then how do you burn it?! Well don’t take the shul’s Sefer Torah on your camping trip. What about rain damage?! You have wind. What about water? Is this home insurance where you have to pay more for flooding?! Torah flooding?... How is Torah insurance part of renovations again? Insurance covers the Torah... Have the insurance lady come to our Sofer expo and she will understand that each letter takes a couple minutes, and she will understand why a Torah costs a 100k. You’re the renovations committee. Not the Torah committee. You don’t renovate a Torah. You should’ve got letter damage insurance. Torah letter damage makes sense. Maybe it’s just me. I don’t understand why we need fire and wind protection to read from the Torah. We need Bar Mitzvah boy protection. If the kid reads slow and doesn’t enunciate, we take away his Bar Mitzvah. Baal Koreh insurance so that we don't have to pay the Torah reader if he makes a mistake. We should be yelling at the Baal Koreh more. Gabai insurance... People attack the Gabai when they’re not called up to the Torah. I've seen him limping due to injury... Who will stop this renovation committee before the shul is destroyed from the plague of lack of money. And the lack of paid dues plague. Just because Baruch says we need it, does not mean we need it. Who sold the shul the insurance?... Baruch sold it to us??? Of course he says it's good. That Halacha says we need it... A Yarmulke does not make it an honest sale. The beard doesn't make Baruch a rabbi... He grew the beard to sell Torah insurance... When he was a mechanic he had a Yarmulke, because he was in a Frum neighborhood. When he sold chandeliers in Borough Park, he had a Streimel. As an Uber driver he didn't have a Kippah. He wore a turban... Yes. He's just offensive. Baruch is a racist... Simcha. You apologized because it wasn’t your family’s Bris. It was Nachum and Rebecca’s child’s Bris, and we appreciate that you acknowledged that you are not part of their family, and you will not be paying for their child to go to our Jewish day school. You still took stuff. You saw leftovers and you packed it up... Of course they thought the other side told you to take it, because it’s awkward. Who takes food from another family's Simcha.. I know it was good. That's why Nachum and Rebecca wanted it... You can The Bal HaBayit assumed you were told to take it. Who would take his leftovers in full tins?! Like it was a soup kitchen and you were feeding the hungry... I get your family likes to eat breakfast too. And there is tomorrow. That is correct. Nachum yelled at his in-laws. He thought his mother-in-law told you to take the lox... Did you learn your lesson? Other than not having to purchase any groceries, did you learn a lesson?... With your logic, guests will come and take everything. Why not just have a take away Simcha. Like Yossi’s Not Treif Butcher... It’s a take away. A don’t eat here, so Simcha Simchavitz can have more food at his house. The plague of not enough food at Simchas anymore because Simcha takes it all home. Doggy bags it... It is incense that takes the lives of the sinners, and it also saves lives and stops plagues. If somebody stood between Simcha and the scrambled eggs... The money that the committee has wasted, we need to use that to learn Torah. We need to stand between the board and the shul... We must pray to H’ to get rid of the evil. To stand between the good and the bad. We have been saying Avinu Malkeinu now that there's more war... It's more war. There is war and then more war... It’s a prayer. We add it. We care about our people... You've been saying it all these years. You sing it on Yom Kippur with such commitment. Because you have no idea what it means... I know it's a great song. The plague of my congregants. Avinu Malkeinu... It means "Our Father, our King." Maybe Gd will step in for us. Forgive us. And get rid of the board... If we just got rid of selfishness, and the board. And dumb ideas for renovations and extra insurance policies because a guy with a beard sold it... It all happened because Korach thought everything was his. It belonged to him... It belongs to Gd, Simcha!!! Now I know why you take all the food from the parties. You hear "It's a Simcha" and you think it's yours. Simcha doesn’t care about his people. He just wants to eat his people’s food... It was Nachum and Rebbecas. You stole it... Fire and wind??? Are you blowing on the Torah? Are you reading it and Fufing it? And the board owes me a nice parking spot. You should renovate the rabbi's spot... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi threw water on people coming to Minyin this week. He thought that if he did that, he would get more people coming. He said the idea came from the concept that plagues stop plagues, figuring this would stop the plague of no Minyin. He even started screaming at the Chazin, telling him he couldn't sing, in order to get rid of the plague of the Chazin. That one worked. The Chazin quit. The plague of candies being thrown at children real hard, to get them to stop asking for candy in the middle of Davening, begot a lot of injured children. The rabbi did make his point when he said the board is a plague. And this is why he stands between the board and the two congregants he likes. Once they heard there would be locusts at the board meeting, nobody showed. The renovations committee said they're saving our community. To quote, "We are soldiers for Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah." The rabbi told them to not take credit for saving our people from Iran. Somehow, they feel they have taken down the regime by raising money for a new floor tile. The shul understood the rabbi explaining that he works for them because they hired him. The shul didn’t see how that had anything to do with Korach. The board will spend money on anything somebody is selling. Fire and wind damage on Sefer Torahs seem to be important now, because somebody was selling it. Malka bought tinsels at The Christmas Tree Shop for Kiddish, because they were selling them. I think it also had something to do with her having the shul credit card. And her not paying for it. The argument from Samantha was that her house got damaged and they had no insurance. The rabbi explained that the shul is not in a basement. It turns came out that she had water damage. Fire and wind, it turns out, doesn’t cover water. At first, I heard Baruch say earth, wind and fire insurance. I told him that was a band and they didn't sell insurance. That's why he changed it to just fire and wind insurance. The board spends money on everything, because it's not their money. That's the problem. I think I'm going to stop paying my dues till I'm on the board. Then, I'm going to do upgrades on my home. Do non-profit renovations on my house. Baruch wore his Yarmulke when he sold the Torah fire and wind insurance. So, the committee thought it was their religious duty to get it. That was the first time I saw him in shul in twelve years. To sell Torah Fire and Wind. Lack of paid membership dues plague is a real thing. The board just hasn't figured out that people aren't members anymore. It's the lack of members plague. It's the lack of people wanting to sit at Kiddish with our congregants plague. Beautiful Bris by the way. Great food. I understand why Simcha took it. Lox, scrambled eggs- the omelettish type where it's fried a little in a big pan and sticks together in big smooth pieces, everything bagels- for everybody. I love the Bris scrambled eggs. Special cafeteria style scrambled. And then bagels for everybody. Who doesn't love everything bagels? It has everything. Even if you like poppy seed, it's there. They even had Danish. And Simcha was pretty smooth. You take a tin with that much confidence, you ask the caterer for your own serving utensil, you take it, nobody notices. They think it's your Simcha. That or you're working the kitchen. Nachum and Rebbeca thought the other side of the family told Simcha to take the food. Who would fill up their own empty the platters in the middle of the Bris? And with tins?! And then to tinfoil it?! Simcha, later in the week, expressed his anger that the caterer didn’t give him the leftovers at their Bris. So, he took it out on Nachum and Rebbeca. He didn’t even know the kid’s name. When asked why he didn't offer to pay, Simcha said, "It's not my kid." That started a whole ruckus where Rebbeca had the nerve to say, "It's not your food." To which Simcha Was shocked. As he said, "My name is Simcha." That's probably where Simcha gets his name. He gets his food from Simchas. It took a lot of talking to for Simcha to understand that the food at a SImcha is only yours at the Simcha. After he understood this, he started taking as much food as he could at the smorgsboard. And he also loaded from the buffet. Took a tin from the buffet to his table. His family ate well at the parties. He even started fasting for days before Simchas. Later on, the rabbi said, "It's yours and others as well." That concept didn't compute, as Simcha has made it a point since to guard his plate at all cost. He built a table contraption to close off his area at Simchas now. He puts down his seating card and then places a plastic box over his area. Thus, creating a cubby for his plate. The fact that Avinu Malkeinu added a minute to Davening, less congregants showed up to shul. They said they care about our people and Israel, as long as we keep Davening to a minimum. The When Stealing from Bal Simcha Class led to how much you have to give as a gift. Since that class, Simcha has been packaging food at the Simchas and giving it to the Bal Simchas as a present. If it's a wedding, Simcha will package two trays of their food. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Shelach6/22/2025
Announcements
Women’s salsa dance classes will now be taking place in the shul every Wednesday. Men are not allowed, so salsa permissible. We commend the old people for coming to shul, even though they have arthritis. The pain you deal with is unimaginable, as we hear you groaning in shul. To quote the rabbi: “It’s not as painful as having you as congregants We ask that the men are honest and let the Gabai know if they’re too weak to do Hagba. The women of the shul want the guys to know that they look like a bunch of weak losers. And it looks worse when they can’t open more than three columns. The women have sent a list to the Gabai, letting them know which husbands can’t even bring in the groceries from the driveway. The wives say their husbands are too weak, due to too much use of recliners. It turns out no man in this shul has any strength, or they just make it a point to not help out around the house. Contemporary Halacha Class: What Is Arthritis and Why Does Every Old Jew Have It. How Hagba Has Caused Many Heart Attacks Among Jews Who Have Watched Our Congregants Lift the Torah. Working Out Is Not Forbidden- How Being Out of Shape and Looking Like a Congregant is Not a Religious Duty. How to Not Help Your Wife Around the House with Mr. Schwartzman. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Bamidbar 14) They're told they are going to die in the desert... Sometimes honesty does not make you feel good. Knowing I have a contract at this shul for another three years does not make me feel good. Having to see Bernie every Shabbat does not make me feel good... Some people don’t like hearing they’re going to die... Our ancestors wanted to live. They didn’t have congregants... (Bamidbar 14:40-41) After shaming Gd with the spies fiasco, all the sudden they want to apologize and go to Israel, and Moshe says, “Why are you going against Gd’s word...” All of the sudden they accept Gd can help them. When they're going to die. As the saying goes, "There are no atheists in Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefeilah." Just like Yitzie Chayim Moishie’s Hagba. Didn’t need help in the beginning, and then everybody had to run to help him... When they hear they’re going to die, all the sudden, “We’ll listen to Gd now”... Well let’s talk about Timothy’s funeral... Okay. Then let's not talk about Timothy's funeral... Moshe continues, “And it will not succeed.” It's too late. H' won't help now. The enemies will kill them without H’... Has anything in this shul succeeded? Sometimes it’s too late. SOmetimes the punishment is there and you have to accept it. We haven’t even started the renovations and it’s too late... Too late to make it look good, because it’s not what H’ wanted... H’ wants an ark and people praying, Bernie. And I am having a hard time having to deal with you as a congregant... It’s too late when you have a committee making decisions... Once the committee is formed. It’s too late. Gd is not there... Because committees make dumb decisions. They ruin everything beautiful about our religion. They get rid of Kichel at Kiddish... Well. Without Kichel, you've killed tradition. And without a floor in the shul... You already ripped up the floor to the shul... It’s not helpful, because you can’t start the renovations yet. We are now Davening on a half a carpet... An old carpet is better than half a carpet. We need H's help to succeed, especially when our shul has committees... And I do worry about the Mechitzah Committee. H' is not on your side... Rashi teaches “What you are going to do will not be successful.” If somebody would’ve just told the board that, maybe we would have a beautiful shul, and Bernie would stop talking. Maybe we wouldn't have a board. If somebody would’ve just told me there is no hope here... If we didn't have a board, we would have been redeemed... When it’s too late and H’ doesn’t agree with you, don’t do dumb things, because it won’t work out... Then don’t go against the word of Gd. Who goes against Gd???!!! Why are you going against Gd?!!! Why did you get rid of the carpet and Kichel?! You're not the president of the shul... It’s too late to do what’s right. Now we have Frum women dancing salsa... So now, if it’s a women’s event, it’s fine?! What happened to the "Hora" and "Mayim BSason"? It's Jewish dance class. When did salsa become Jewish??? Salsa??? Are we going to have merengue dance parties in the sanctuary now?... I was against the limbo. First Bar Mitzvah I saw that at, I kicked out the band... Just because it’s in the women’s section does not make it Mutar. Just because it’s a women’s only event does not make it Jewish... Do I have to hear you groaning in the middle of my sermon?... Your noise is painful. Just hearing you, I don't feel good... You are painful. Seeing you age hurts... It’s painful because you’ve eaten like an animal till now. It’s too late for Felvel to be in shape. He has no hope... Yes you have to keep in shape. You just can’t do salsa... Because Jews don’t do salsa. And now, all the sudden, you ask Gd for help with your arthritis. And then to have to see you do Hagba. It’s pathetic. He can't help with that much patheticness... You needed the spot. Otherwise, the Torah would’ve fallen when you said “ouch. my back. My back is a goner...” You pulled your hand away from the Torah to clench your back. Pinchas caught the Torah. Saved us from all having to fast... Pinchas is a hero. A Calev... Does the hand back there even work?! Does bringing your hand to the back stop the pain?! Half the congregation is too weak to bring out the Torah, let alone Hagba. Pathetic... The Gabai never asks you because you look weak... I know you’ve been working out. You just look out of shape Yitz. No Yitzi has ever looked strong. Yitzi Chayim Moishie. I don't even think the ping pong team would've taken you... Hagba has looked pathetic in this congregation. We got Shmuly going for eight columns... Looks great until you get all loose. It slacked and it was pathetic. You look strong and then “This guy is a loser. Somebody's got to pick up the parchment”... Three columns is fine. You may look weak. But it doesn’t look as bad as when the whole shul has to jump to your aid... Why the Gabai is spotting you right away, right after he asked you to do Hagba is a smack in the face... It means he doesn’t trust you and wants you to look bad... It looks almost as bad as Galila. Probably even worse. At least Torah rolling takes some skill. A good tight Galila is respectable for weak people... Without H’, it’s not successful. If you’re weak and without H’ you will die... The point is something bad will happen if you drop the Torah. Chas vShalom. Nowhere in the Torah does Gd say he wants Jews to have their bellies hanging over their belts. Even if they do go out for choolante on Thursday night... Work out for H’. Put in the effort. We are purchasing a weight room for the back of the shul... So you guys can work on your Hagba. Accept that you have truly sinned and not prepared correctly. That you have listened to the Meraglim and are weak... The board. It’s all the same. If the board would’ve went to spy out the land, they would’ve come back with negative reports about the land and how it needs to be renovated... There will also be a dance studio. A weight room and a dance studio. That's how we'll connect with H'. (Bamidbar 14:41) “For we have sinned.” All the sudden they say they've sinned. And our renovation committee still hasn't apologized for renovating my seat... You should apologize, because you haven't put on the other cushion. I'm sitting on concrete. Or HaChaim teaches that their apology was not sufficient because it was not sincere. It was only because of regret that they’re not going to enter Israel. When it’s too late, we know, it’s not sincere. Sincerity comes when you don’t make dumb committee decisions. When you don't have a Samantha Bracha Tova on the board... Sincerity. Accept you messed up. Then you can succeed, accepting you’re a loser who doesn’t work out. Then you can succeed with a little three column pathetic Hagba. Accepting that Frum women don’t do salsa. At least you can be a good Jew. Not a member of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah... It’s going against Gd’s word and it will not succeed. When it’s not sincere, it goes against Gd’s word. Like every one of you liars who told me this is a beautiful congregation... Well not anymore. After you finish renovations... What will succeed? Not messing up everything to begin with. Not listening to Baruch Moishie and Samantha Bracha Tova Bas Bayla Yehudit... We have the fakest congregants... At least we can see the Botox. Your face is just not you. It's too late to apologize for that. If you can sincerely see where you messed up on the renovations. The salsa. The Gabai who can't figure out a decent Hagba. Getting rid of Kichel... Of course. Do Teshuva now. Sincere Teshuva. Timothy is dead... For this congregation it's too late. I don't think I could ever forgive you. It's only because you want me for another three years. Rivka's Rundown The rabbi realized real quick that it wasn’t a good idea to talk about Timothy’s funeral. Nobody showed up. Not even the rabbi. It was a sore subject, especially because people found out later that Timothy had a lot of money. The rabbi blamed the length of this week's sermon on Samantha Bracha Tova Bas Bayla Yehudit's name. I think the rabbi was saying that congregants make him want to shoot himself. He truly connected with Moshe, as he said, "If I was leading you in the desert, I would’ve happily not gone into Israel with you. And I would've hoped the board would've perished." He softened that by saying, "Only because you would've sinned to Gd." I believe the point the rabbi was making is that Frum Jews don't do salsa. If they dance, they can't do Teshuva. That, and that Geula hasn't happened yet because the board put together a committee who stopped serving Kichel at Kiddish. Which Gd doesn't support. And that is the reason the renovations in the shul are messed up. I believe that summarizes the message of the sermon. Our rabbi is always practical. They couldn’t afford the office staff and the trainer. So, they got rid of the executive director and now we have Svan running the shul finances. How every trainer is names Svan I do not know. Everything is a program nowadays. Nothing is holy. If it brings Jews, it’s a Jewish thing for a shul. They had pizza making. How that’s Jewish. No idea. They then had a book club where they discussed Grapes of Wrath. Somehow that’s Jewish if Jews are discussing it. It turned out that what truly made Grapes of Wrath Jewish is that it was Jewish women discussing it. Anything that is forbidden is fine if it's a women’s events. They even have women singing hip hop and Cardi B in the shul now. Ladies Karaoke Night is Jewish, because it's just women. As long as it’s a women’s event, it’s Jewish. Popcorn and Pickleball is another event the shul started hosting in the social hall. Men tried joining, but they were kicked out for being heretics. Samantha Bracha Tova Bas Bayla Yehudit said, "Men make it Asur. Pickleball is only permitted for women." Now the women are also having shul pool parties. The men are allowed to learn Torah. That's not forbidden for men. Our rabbi truly did stop the limbo. First time he heard it at the Bar Mitzvah, he kicked out that band. Then, all the sudden the limbo became tradition, along with the chicken dance. Which I feel is Asur, because it makes fun of chickens. They grunt all day. The old men reach for schnapps at Kiddish and grunt. You hear a loud “Oy. My back.” Their backs are always going. I think they drink the schnapps to forget the pain. All you hear in shul is the old people complaining about their pain. It's a competition. Competitive arthritis. Everybody has arthritis. I have no idea exactly what arthritis is. I believe it's any pain an old person gets from being old. The rabbi explained arthritis in his contemporary Halacha class. To quote, "Every old person has arthritis because they have you as their children." So, I am thinking it's an old person disease that they get for having kids. I understand strength classes. Habgba just looks pathetic when these guys do it. You see them going full arm out and then it all slacks. You’ve got four guys jumping in to help get the parchment back in place. They have to put it back on the table to roll it. It's a painful ordeal, especially when you have five guy's whose backs all go at once. We need to get in better shape here. They all talk about security and the need for safety. If anybody came to attack our shul, half the members wouldn't be able to raise their arms. That's probably why they're always interrupting the Drashas. They're too weak to raise their hands with a question. Men have to be honest and say they’re weak. or they haven’t hit the gym. With the gym and salsa classes, the JCC is going to go out of business. The JCC has Israeli dance classes. But women's salsa classes are more Jewish. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Behalotcha6/15/2025
Announcements
It’s Father’s Day this Sunday, so remember who to blame for messing you up. After the board’s investigation, we want all to know we don’t have any Sotahs in the shul. Nonetheless, Mrs. Bergenfeld is not trustworthy. We don’t suggest you trust Mrs. Bergenfeld with your plate at Kiddish. She’ll swipe your Kichel. If anybody wants to keep their donation that they donated already, as donations, now is the time to donate more money. As a new fundraiser, the renovations committee has decided that any donations made in the past are not donations anymore. Nobody cares about Freddy Markowitz dying eight years ago. To quote the President of the Board: "We already got the money from that death." But we will care about Freddy again if you donate another Parochet, curtain, for the Aron. Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Mess Up Your Bar Mitzvah Parsha Because Your Dad is a Sinner and Never Around. The Obligation of a Shul to Not Care for Your Loved Ones Who Have Passed Without a Donation. Women You Shouldn't Trust in Shul and What It's Like to Be on a Committee with Mrs. Bergenfeld, Even Though She's Ninety. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Bamidbar 8:22) “After this, the Levites came to perform the service.” They prepared. They didn’t just show up, like Yankel for his Bar Mitzvah... Worst Layning I've ever heard. Did Yankel even know it was Behalotcha?!... If he listened during Hebrew school classes, it would've been better. Still would've got it wrong, but he would've been reading Hebrew... Yankel. The Torah was not written in Sanskrit. When you have a Gabai that puts no effort into anything, you get Shavuot with no flowers on the Bima. There wasn't even a dandelion... Well. Putting together a flower committee was the problem. A committee of dads. Have you ever seen a father in this shul help?!... They’re always running around. Working. Not helping Yankel... They run to not help. Without preparation the service gets messed up. You end up with a Chazin like... (Bamidbar 9:2) “The Pesach sacrifice at its time...” Have we ever started Minyin on time? There’s a time for Minyin. Not a half hour late. It doesn't say in the Torah to start Shacharit half hour after it's Zman. "Make sure to Daven to H' at the wrong times." Things were at times. When you’re running... I understand you want to get away from the kids. Then, tun to Minyin... You prepare in order to do things at the right time. Our shul prepares to do things late... The dinner last month started two hours late. And that was prepared. Even the caterer starts stuff late at our shul... Sean Christopher Catering is not a member... When did they serve? Good question. Well let me tell you... The Pesach service was on Pesach. "at its time"... The Pesach time is Pesach. Not during Rosh Hashana... (Bamdibar 9:19) When the cloud was there for many days “the children of Israel kept Gd’s shifts (Mishmeret) and didn’t travel.” You can’t keep Gd’s shifts on the road with Hells Angels. The Levites weren't ride or die... I understand you like to ride and get away from your family for Father’s Day. We all deserve that gift. I want to get away from this shul... There should be a Rabbi’s Day. A day where congregants hold off on asking dumb questions... You can’t do Gd’s Mitzvot of raising a good family in a biker bar... You can’t accomplish on the move. When you’re on the road, you’re stagnant... I know you’re moving, but you’re not... Travel is when you accomplish nothing, other than getting away from your family. Which I understand has value. Travel is why your lawn looks disgusting... Mow the thing before your trip then... You have to be in one place. That is how you serve H’... You’re not doing shifts when you’re out fishing in Vermont. You’re all always running. Trips, vacation. The only place you’re not running to is shul.... How much do you do in Disney World... I know the Epcot is cool. Is there a Tabernacle there? When is the time? When you’re still. Inertia... The laws of inertia are objects in motion accomplish nothing... You have to prepare. But once you have it all down, you stay. If you want to accomplish, if you want to serve, you stay in the same spot... I'm not saying that everything accomplished is good. See the youth of our shul... Somebody messed you up. You don’t end up like this without nurture... I called the day school. They said it’s not their fault. I spoke to the athletics department at the JCC. They’re not taking blame. You can't blame them. Blame your dad. It’s your dads' faults. Because they're around... Your dads mess you up. Sometimes, being present doesn't help... Yankel's dad should've been around. That kid needed somebody to help with the Layning. Last week we learned that we do not have any Sotahs in the congregation... Dad is always traveling. That’s why there are the Sotah accusations. You can’t serve your family when traveling... Around or not around, you're messing up your kids here... We also did Nida checks... You still have to honor your father. You do that by not running around. Going to Guatemala is not how you honor your dad... We all know Yankel’s dad messed up. If Yankel’s dad wasn’t always running around, his Layning would’ve been decent... At least he would’ve felt guilty enough to practice... A male Sotah. Traveling for business?!... Stealing is still wrong Mrs. Bergenfeld. Even if it’s off somebody’s Kiddish plate, it’s still Geneyva... It doesn't make you a Sotah. Even so, you are not to be trusted... It’s about Kedusha. We have a shul in place here. It’s in one place. We should be serving Gd... The whole idea of the traveling shul, what you guys call engagement, is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. "Let's have a shul in different houses every week, so that people who don't go to shul will come to shul..." Well. They're still not going to shul. They're popping over to Ruchie's house... The cloud was lifted a long time ago. But you are still here in the shul. So. I have to deal with you... Prepare and serve. This Tabernacle was already built. We can serve here. In the shul. Now... Don't need to have Shabbat Minyin on the golf course. As engagement... It has all been prepared. Donations have been given to the shul. It has been built. We are here... So. What you have decided are donations, are worthless... Getting rid of donations brings in new donations?! I don't understand. It's as if you want to move out all the dead people and bring in new ones... Well, whose name is on the Torah cover?... How are new Torah covers and Parochets, curtains, part of renovations now?... But people donated those. It was prepared. It is now up to us to serve Gd with them... That is an actual message, Bernie. Dealing with what we learned in the Parsha... I know that was meaningful... Shul is about tradition. You don’t just get rid of stuff because the donation is over. Donations are how we prepare. We prepared... They didn't renovate the Tabernacle. It was built, and that was how it stayed until they had to move. You prepare and you serve while there... I have suggested moving the shul to Israel. Or at least paying me to live there... You have tagged the Torah cover. I would be perfectly fine if the Cornblooms took the board out for it. This is donation Gangland you’re creating... Well, the Cornblooms' grandfather also died. And he died before yours. Tradition has everything to do with donations from the past... Now you’re giving away Max’s seat??? It was a lifetime seat... He’s still here. He paid for it. But now he has to pay again, as part of renovations... So you have renovated his donation to the trash. So, we’re taking down the Markowitz Parochet and putting up a new Markowitz Parochet... Again. Moving things. That is when you're not serving Gd. Even if there is money involved... Shul is not just about money. It's about commemorating the dead for money... (Bamidbar 9:23) “At the word of Gd they encamped and at the word of Gd they traveled.” There are times to travel. But that is according to when Gd tells you to. Not when you feel a draft... I understand you like to go down to Florida. But a wind comes through our town and that next day you're on a plane to Boca... It's June. It was a breeze. Topeka has fresh air. It doesn't kill you. Even if you feel it... You can call it a draft and it still won't kill you. We didn’t leave until Gd said, “Now it’s time.” He did that by bringing up the cloud a bit. Gd did not say to change the Parochet. He didn't say that donations of the past mean nothing. He also didn't tell Tzachi to ruin his marriage. He didn't say, "There's a breeze in the desert. Now it's time to take the Tabernacle to Fort Lauderdale." He didn't say, "Go to Florida and leave your family." If H' lifted the Torah covers, I would understand that we need to renovate and change. Then we pulled out silver trumpets... We celebrated it, because Gd told us to. It had reason. Nobody is celebrating the renovations in this shul and forgetting their grandparents... Your band is not heavenly. There is not trumpet. Gd doesn't appreciate kazoos... And they finally settled in Israel... Every time there is a storm, we don't say, "Now it's time to move." We didn't move the Temple from Jerusalem to Bat Yam, because there is less of a breeze there. You do things in their time, with preparation. But you have to be there to do them. You have to be present for Gd to tell you. This is why we have Pesach Sheini... Because you guys mess up everything, and you're not around. And that is why your son can't Layn. A Busha... Rivka's Rundown A beautiful message to the dads for Father's Day. Our rabbi always knows how to bring meaning to our celebrations. Shavuot was pathetic. No floral arrangements. Ended up having to have kids cut flowers. Turned into a paperchain. I thought they were celebrating Sukkot in the sanctuary. Turns out anything our kids do turns into a paperchain or paper mache. Last resorts always end up with the kids. It goes from committee to “let the kids do it.” That shifts all blame to the little ones. According to the parents, the children of our shul can’t do anything wrong. The rabbi disagrees. And the rabbi made a point of saying he doesn't consider paperchains art, or flowers. He sparked a whole debate in the shul. Fights were had and the result is the Shavuot committee has decided that whatever kids say they did is true. So, paperchains are not considered flowers in our shul. Our congregants are messed up. And I would say it’s the parents’ fault. We have to blame somebody, and the rabbi is not willing to blame himself. "Around or not around, you're messing up your kids here." I am not sure what the rabbi was trying to say. I think the rabbi was promoting divorce. At least getting rid of the husbands. The rabbi truly ripped into Yankel's family. His Layning was off. Truly off. To quote the rabbi, "Off. Like his dad." Our congregants are always getting away. Their goal is to not be in Topeka. They live here to not be here. That's their reason for living. They run. They pack for their trips. They never mow their lawn for their trips. It turns out our shul can't accomplish a Minyin when people are not around. The rabbi actually checked if there were Sotahs. The rabbi generally helps with Nida checks, though he’s colorblind. This time he did the regular checks and made every Nida drink seltzer. Mrs. Bergenfeld swipes everything. She’s eighty-eight, yet a very aggressive Kiddish eater. The rabbi is so against this whole new idea of what the board calls "engagement." The idea is you reach out to people where they are at. So, you go to the bar, the sports club, and you don't go to shul. The engagement committee said we have to go to the bar more often and have services there, while getting a bit drunk to connect better. That idea was brought up by the Kiddish club. It is the one program in our shul that is well attended. The only Minyin that people show up early to. Everything has a committee now. The engagement committee, the Shavuot committee, the Layning committee which kicked Yankel out of the shul. We have at least fifteen committees. I think the same people are on each one, as each committee ends up doing the same thing. They talk for a few minutes about their kids and they do nothing. The rabbi is so correct. I am not donating anything. I'm not even donating Kiddish. Watch this. I will donate Kiddish on Shabbat, and then somebody else will donate it too, and my name will be off it. I heard that the office takes double Kiddish donations, sometimes triple, and they charge everybody fully. It's a scam. I think I saw the secretary once take down a plaque in front of the library and put up a different one for dead person photo op. I think the families are giving the money. The dead person's name gets put up, but the family flips the bill. So, they take the picture of the dead person's name and send it to the family. Conclusion, when you give a donation, it's for the picture of the plaque. The shul has pulled over 100k on the Markowitz Parochet. Taken it down and put it back up around eight times. Each time, the Markowitz family gives more for the curtain, to keep that name on it. It's donation extortion. The board is now arguing that tradition in a shul is not important. They had a meeting and decided that tradition counts if it raises money. The board has decided that everything is part of renovations. They even got a new strainer. The Maurice Landsfeld Strainer. They started the renovations two months ago. They have now renovated a Torah cover. Renovated the Simchovitz family off it. The renovation committee is doing what they can to get rid of drafts in our town as well. They want the shul to be more accessible for older people and people with disabilities, such as age. The idea with the renovations is to make shul wheelchair friendly and free of drafts. One member mentioned beer at Kiddish and some of the older people freaked out when they heard they might bring draft. I thought that was funny. I came up with that joke. You get it? Draft beer. The Mrs. Bergenfeld class title was the longest class title we ever had. I think it was a statement of anger. In the class, the rabbi addressed the contemporary Halacha of stealing his choolante meat. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Nasso6/8/2025
Announcements
Tikun Layl Shavuot was an excellent evening. A couple of people learned. But the conversations and cheesecake truly brought the community together. We want to thank the Simchovitz family for sponsoring the cocktails. We will try to keep learning down to a minimum next year, as we noticed Torah disturbs conversation. The rabbi’s class was great. Next year, we ask community members don’t take over the Shiur. We know you have thoughts on Tzedakah, and you don’t like to give it. Even so, the rabbi prepared sources charity. Note: Sources does not mean you have to give. It turns out kids in our shul don’t have parents. If for some reason you have a kid in shul running around and disturbing everybody, please claim the child. Little kids screaming Birkat Kohanim doesn’t add to the blessing. Cuteness doesn’t bring Bracha. And with that, we do wish a Mazel Tov to the Trumpelman family on the birth of their daughter. Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Not Parent Like Our Congregants- Reasons for Bringing Kids to Shul to Bother Everybody. How Cheesecake Made Me Want to Be Jewish. The Importance of Talking During Torah Reading To Get People To Shul. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Why am I bringing up Sotah??? The way some of the people in this shul dress, I would not be surprised... I did not say women. I said “people.” The men in this shul don’t wear suits. What do you think they’re doing on Shabbis? Golfing??? Golfing with whom... (Bamidbar 5:15) The sacrifice brought by the husband of the accused Sotah is without oil or frankincense “because it is a meal-offering of jealousies, a meal-offering of remembrance, a reminder of sin.” Jealousy and sin do not taste good. Especially without frankincense... Have you ever eaten at the Bergstein's? No frankincense. I don’t even think they use salt. A lot of jealousy leads to bad cooking... Why is it your second marriage? Your spouse could make a decent choolante. Exactly... Your jealous of Mrs. Finehart's choolante with all the accoutrements. The kishka, short ribs. She even puts in eggs. Sin does not taste good, Pinchas. We know you've tasted sin. We saw you at Shelly's Delicacies the other day. How much chocolate did you take down?... Sinner. "Jealousies... A remembrance, a reminder of sin.” Sin leads to jealousy. Or jealousy leads to sin... Or jealousy is a sin. Or people are jealous of people who sin. Or jealousy doesn't have frankincense in it. I don't know which one it is. I don’t think we need any more reminders of sin in this shul. With the way the renovations are going, there has been enough sin. Now everybody is jealous of Beis Knesses Beit Bitul. And that's a shack... The women's section talk is not jealousy. How can we not speak Lashon Hara about Freida and her new doily?... The whole thing about the stomach distending and thighs. Nothing to do with heavy people cheating on their spouses... I get acid reflux all the time and all I've ever done is went out bowling with my buddies... My buddies from Yeshiva. And all of that jealousy and sin leads to a bad reputation. No matter if she is innocent or not (Bamidbar 5:31) “that woman shall bear her iniquity.” She wears it on her sleeve. We all see it. She passes and everybody mocking her, "That's the innocent woman." Just like we see that doily. You can't take something out of a breadbasket and not get a reputation... Sforno teaches that she secluded herself with the suspected adulterer. You put yourself in a bad situation and you get a reputation, like the renovation committee who now has a reputation for doing nothing and being useless. You have the reputation of being a committee... I've put myself in this shul. My fault. I bear that iniquity of being around heretics... This is what caused the jealousy and the public humiliation of the woman. It is the stain. The reputation. And reputations stay. Our congregants have a reputation for dressing quite poorly... If you dressed LKavod Shabbis, nobody would accuse you of not keeping Shabbis. If you looked decent, nobody would accuse you of being single, Nachum. Actions that deem sin are a problem. They cause true sin and jealousy. No matter what, they leave a reputation. It's the Sotah’s actions of being alone with a man that is not her husband that has a snowball effect... Ever mad a snowman?! Make a snowman and you'll understand the metaphors. There is a lot of iniquity in this shul. Public humiliation. Jealousy and bad tasting food. You have a reputation for bad tasting food and talking a lot... To lose that reputation, get a new crockpot and add some decent meat. More fatty meat. You have to stop talking. Or you will never learn Torah... I don't care what the Tikun Layl Shavuot committee said. Learn something... I've been talking about the Sotah. Not soda. Though, fizz can distend your belly. Point is the rabbi is talking and he doesn't care if he's disturbing your conversation... Because it's a sermon, Bernie. You don't show up to a speech to talk. At sermons the rabbi talks... That rabbi is not the shul rabbi. He has a reputation for being a Mashgiach. He can't be trusted with people... Well. He bears the iniquity of his job. He should be respected, but that's the reputation the community gives him... Then you shouldn't have fired Rabbi Dan from teaching at the Cheder. Then again, he shouldn't have been around kids alone. Always a bad decision... Do you not want to hurt them too?!... This is why I got rid of the QandAs. You all like to talk. You don't ask questions. You just talk... It's the Tikkun. I think we have to fix the night of Shavuot in this shul. We have to fix this congregation and that doily on Freida's head. It's falling off now... Because it's a flat piece of paper. Talking is not learning. Talking about where Benjamin purchased his suit is not Torah conversation. If it was a Shabbat suit... Edward. You took over the class, and you have nothing to teach. No Torah... The only source about Tzedakah that you have is your shul bill and dues you haven’t paid... You just started talking. You couldn't find anybody to have a conversation with. So, you decided to "ask a question" and have a conversation with the whole Shiur... You have a reputation for drinking a lot. You drank so much, you wouldn't remember if there was Torah. I prepared. I had sources... You prepared your conversation about how you like whipped cream on your cheesecake... Add frankincense to that cheesecake and that is a Torah conversation. We have to be strong, to remember what jealousy does. We have to not be jealous. Because that is where the sin comes from... There is no reason to let anything cause jealousy... The guy should've divorced his wife if he has to accuse her... Again. Look at the men in this shul. Any chance??? Any woman sitting at a meeting with a man from this shul, you can't accuse anybody. So not good looking. And ugly suits... A reputation for not good-looking men. Mazel Tov to the Trumpelmans on the birth of a daughter... How did the birth come so fast... You must parent your newborn, or you will get a reputation of being an absentee parent. Otherwise known as parents in this shul... Well, you don't watch over them... Nobody cares if your child is cute. The cuteness is annoying. Parent. A kid makes noise. It's the parents’ fault... We will support you all in your parenting. Do not be afraid to parent. The Trumpelmans should know that we have their backs. You give your child a little smack, we will support you... We need to support our parents. Kids make noise and their take their kid, carry them out of shul, we must applaud. They smack them, we must cheer. Parents need our support... And give your kids candy. Healthy child rearing does not help with a child’s love for Yiddishkeit. Children only love Yiddishkeit when their religion involves sour sticks... We have a reputation for parents not helping out. And that has stained our shul. And it has brought about sin and jealousy of the kids in the other shuls who get as much candy as they want... We tried giving the kids soda, to see who their parents might be. Didn't work. Turns out, they now just have distended stomachs. And they're still running around the shul without parents... We are going to report the lone children to child services... Then parent!!!! If it's your thing, parent!!! Do you want anybody else's kids in this shul? Look around. You don't want that?! No reason to be jealous... Jealousy is a sin too. It makes no difference who is jealous. And it reminds us of sin. And then somebody gets a bad reputation. Don't eat at the Bergstein's... In the end, all you have is humiliation. The bearing of iniquity. Does anybody want that?... I am not jealous of the board. They are just a bunch of sinners... Nobody in this shul should be jealous. Look around. There is nothing to be jealous of... Bernie was happy when his wife left. He couldn't understand why Herman went for Ethel. He was shocked and bothered that Herman would be attracted to that. To quote Bernie, "Maybe if she used some frankincense." Judging the reputation is the iniquity. That is what the community bears. And it all stems from jealousy. Jealousy that Rabbi Dan was a good rabbi. The Sotah must bear her iniquity. I say bear it. Bear your iniquity. Be a reminder to the people that they are jealous, that they are judging. And that you brought jealousy. And stop doing dumb stuff... I want to commend our congregants for giving nobody something to be jealous of. Rivka's Rundown The rabbi's sermons are always educational. I now know so much more about frankincense. And he did a great job of letting us know to not be jealous, because the shul is full of losers. The message of reputation was so true. Rabbi Dan is a Mashgiach now, because they won't let him around people anymore. Mashgiach work is where the place the rabbis they don't trust with people. The men in the shul do not dress with sports jackets anymore. Just pants and short-sleeve shirts. They are definitely sinning. And their wives are jealous, because they have to wear a hat to shul, and they're shvitzing. The shul renovations started, but they haven't moved at all. Now the shul has a reputation of getting nothing done. Truth is, I have never seen a committee get anything done. They did kick us out of the shul two months ago though. So, now we're praying in the Kiddish room, around the Rugulach. It's a Rugulach vigil on the Bima. Due to the Tikun Layl Shavuot committee's decision to keep Torah from disturbing conversation, the shul has decided that the Baal Koreh must keep the Torah reading at a minimum. We have since lost three Baal Korehs who read the Torah "too loud." They Torah readers have been deemed conversation interrupters. And there is no room for that in shul. People come to shul to talk. For good conversation. At the rabbi’s Shavuot class everybody took over and started giving their speeches. They thought the rabbi’s class was a QandA. They are supposed to ask questions at those. Our congregants skip the question part at the QandAs. They take the mic and give their speeches. Sadie once got on the microphone and said, "Now it's my time to talk." The guest speaker asked her why they were brought in for a speech on medical ethics. Sadie let them know, "So that I could share what I think about sanitizer." Sadie is very big into sanitizing her hands. She then went and got the sanitizing bottle and wiped down the mic stand. It was a twenty-minute ordeal. The rabbi was talking about taking money from heretics. The rabbi was talking about the members of our shul. He always speaks to his audience. The members thought he was talking about other people and started sharing their thoughts on charity from Apikorsim and felons. The Jewish Federation director was apparently fine taking all the money. The board felt it was important to note that sources and learning about charity does not mean you have to give it. They were worried they would lose members if anybody thought they had to give Tzedakah. To quote Rachel at the meeting, "Having to do Mitzvahs is what keeps people away from wanting to be Jewish. We have to change that." Nonetheless, all congregants agree that a few people should give money to the shul for renovations. Just not them. They all agree the shul needs money coming from somebody else. The rabbi got everybody on his side when he said that a three-year-old should not be on the streets alone. "There must be a parent who doesn't care about their child's well-being, or that hates Minyin and Gd." Parents finally started taking their kids out of shul and yelling at them. The congregation stood up for Yankel who potched his kid. The whole place stood up and said “Amen.” It was like Kaddish. Forcing new bottles of Coke on the kids and distending their stomachs did not bring out the truth about why they run around the shul. But it did bring out the truth about whose parents don't let their kids enjoy sweets. And those parents were kicked out of the shul for ruining Yiddishkeit. The candy started pouring in the shul. Though, it was learned to only give it at the end of the Davening, or the kids will misbehave again. It’s like Pavlov’s dog. Once you don't need more candy, you can bother people in shul. The Trumpelman's baby is ugly. Now everybody is asking questions about how Mrs. Trumpelman gave birth to the girl. Next time, during the Parsha about the Sota, the rabbi should keep out the Mazel Tovs. It begs too many questions. And in our community, that leads to iniquity. A lot of discussion about heavy people cheating on their spouses arose, due to the overweight people's distended stomachs. In the Sotah committee meeting, it came out that heavy people generally are more trustworthy. Sotah accusations were dismissed, yet the reputation stood. People said they were still heavy. Tags:
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Announcements
The board would like to apologize for not mentioning Memorial Day last week. To Quote: “We take the blame for you missing out on sales. We still thank those who sacrificed of themselves for us, even if we missed out on the deal at Marshalls.” Yom Yerushalayim was this past week. We want to apologize for missing that too. Again. The shul decided, after a committee meeting, the office should have a Jewish calendar. Till now, the shul has been working off the Gregorian Calendar given out by Tony Patelo’s Bike Shop. It turns out Tony does not celebrate Yom Yerushalayim. We are going to make sure we get the Kevers R Us Funeral Home Calendar. Shavuot is this Sunday evening. You may want to learn something. The shul has all night learning. The rabbi won’t be there, so don’t worry about anybody answering your questions. Contemporary Halacha Class: Appreciation For Those Who Gave Their Lives For America and Retail. How to Get Nobody to Show Up to A Holiday or Event By Not Letting Them Know About it Till Afterwards. How To Learn Torah - Something Our Congregants Don't Do. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Bamidbar 3:5-9) H’ tells Moshe to bring the Levites “and stand the tribe before Aharon the Kohen and they shall serve him.” The Levites serve Aharon. There is blessing in serving. If the reason is for Gd, it's a blessing. Serving on the board and the renovation committee... Where in the Torah does it say "The Levites should do renovations in Topeka?"... It's not a trivia question, Bethany. There is no commandment. The point is serving this congregation is not likes serving the Kohens... The Kohens are serving Gd. The board is serving Bernie's needs for heat in June. The guy always feels a draft. “...They are given to him from the children of Israel.” The Levis are in service of Aharon and the Kohens. It sounds so demeaning. And that is true, when the job is not done for Gd. Like the office who seems to think the Kohens worked according to the Gregorian Calendar... We are not Gregorian, Samantha. We are Jewish. When it’s a commandment, when it’s a Mitzvah, it’s a Kavod. An honor... The way your hedges look, Nachum, it's not a Mitzvah. It's a sin. It’s demeaning to the trees. Do a decent job and don’t worship idols and it won’t be demeaning. You’re embarrassing the shrubs... Because you don’t take pride in your work, Nachum... Serving this shul board is not a Mitzvah... Serving the congregation is questionable. There’s no commandment to show up to Sheindel’s daughter’s fourth birthday part... Great girl Sheindel. I just don’t know why you had to bring a rabbi. You could’ve hired a clown... It’s an honor for the Levites to serve. To carry the Tabernacle. It's not an honor to join a four-year-old birthday party and to have to do renovations on a bookcase... Why you even call it renovations. It's sticking shelves on pegs. The IKEA catalogue shows you how to do it. I do not believe the IKEA instructions insist on a committee... Because it would never get built that way. And then IKEA would get more complaints about their poor directions.... You think the instructions on the Tabernacle were easy??? If you think IKEA is hard... It’s an honor to serve. Appreciate Aharon. Don’t be a Korach. A bunch of Korachs here... (Bamdibar 3:11) “I have taken the Levite from among the children of Israel, in place of every firstborn...” The firstborns that are Gds, don’t get the right to serve Aharon... You lose that honor when you worship golden calves. When you mess up all night learning, like the board. When you mess up a bookcase... The board is a like a golden calf... Having meetings. And the head of the board is a Bachur. A firstborn. And you wonder why it’s messed up. Get a Levite to serve as the head of the board, and they’ll help out... Because Levites are helpers and firstborns are bullies... Do your job and be happy you’re working for somebody. It’s an honor. When the job is well done, unlike the board and Nachum’s yard, you take pride in it. It’s Min HaShamayim. From Gd. Appreciate the Levites. And Levites, appreciate the Kohens. And get rid of the board. And everybody appreciate Gd... We must appreciate Gd. When doing Mitzvot for Gd, there is reward. Not destruction, like in the shul's office. If our secretary did his job right, it would be a Mitzvah. We would hear about the holidays on time... It's not our job to get a calendar. It's the office's job. Everything late. You don’t serve on time. The Levites didn't erect the Mishkan, the Tabernacle, a day late, because they were using the Gregorian Calendar. Does our office even use a calendar?... Definitely not a calendar with Jewish holidays. It's like a golden calf calendar... The only thing you don't forget is the sales. You could think about those who gave their lives for our country on Memorial Day. Those who served our country... Our country serves Gd. It's a "nation under Gd." And we missed Yom Yerushalayim. We missed Yom Yerushalayim last week, because nobody takes pride in their job. The Levites took pride in their work. This is why I am taking the 6th graders to serve this congregation instead of the board... The board is like a bunch of firstborns. We still did Hallel... Because it’s a holiday. Even if it’s not in our shul announcements it’s a holiday... The announcements left out the Morwitz wedding. They still got married... That was a different reason. If they had money, the calendar would’ve mentioned it... You’re not wealthy enough for the shul to mention your Simchas. If Marshalls would’ve given a discount to Chani on shoes, she would’ve made sure to have it in the announcements... Shavuot is this week. Is that in the announcements? Just remember. It's this Sunday night. Tomorrow night... A calendar in the office would help with announcing stuff that is on the calendar!!! We all have ways of serving. We may work for others in service of H'. One way to serve is to learn Torah. Maybe learn a little Torah. Just an idea... It’s Shavuot. You messed up Pesach. You didn't even know what Chametz you should burn. And then you end up burning your home... It looked like idol worship. It looked like a sacrifice... When you don't learn how to do stuff for H' it looks like a golden calf... You messed up Sukkot. Most messed up Sukkah building. I have no idea whose cubit you were using. It must have been Yankel's cubit. Shortest cubit I have ever seen. Build with a Shlomo cubit next time... So, there's enough room to sit in the Sukkah and serve H'... In the times of the holidays, we all serve. We all have to serve Gd. Even the members of this congregation... H' would rather Levites. But we have not found a way to replace the shul membership. The Baha'i community would have to convert to Judaism first. We are just asking to serve H' right. With food... Then don’t mess up the blintzes this year... You can show up to the all-night learning... Learn for part of it... Learn to be a good Jew. Just learn something. There will be cheesecake at all night learning... They should’ve announced cheesecake. If they announced pastries, people would come and maybe learn by accident. Announcing all night learning is a way of trying to get people not to come. I am announcing now that there will be cake and lasagna. Come to all night learning to eat... Better announcements is what this shul needs. A calendar. A Jewish calendar. More food on it. Maybe get the Hadassah Cookbook Calendar... Maybe announce events on time... I shall not be at learning. I will teach my class and leave... Why should I show up to learning? None of you come... You’re like Bachurs. You expect to be Gd’s favorites because you do nothing... You actually are firstborns. Now I understand. You get the bigger Yerusha... That's why you put no work into it. You're getting the big inheritance. If you can see what you do as a Mitzvah, it’s a Kavod to serve under somebody else. You want to do the work. It's not about money... As a rabbi, I deserve money. When you're as close to H' as I am, you get paid... Your job can be a Mitzvah, if it’s not what Bracha Mindel does... Working for the Town Council and bringing up people’s home taxes is not a Mitzvah. Serve the congregation correctly, otherwise we’ll have to get the 6th graders or the Levites to serve on the Town Council... You would never be a Levite. You have no idea how to wash hands right. I've seen you head out of the bathroom... It's not the soap. It's that you don't get the whole hand. You have to get the whole hand. Up to the wrist. It all starts with a calendar. Action begins with a calendar. You wash hands at the right time... Tony Patelo’s Bike Shop does not provide the times that we need to get things done right as Jews... Including the renovation of a bookcase. Do you appreciate your rabbi. The job. The job that he gives Kavod to. The job he is doing for H’. The job where he sits at home and learns... That’s why I am late to meetings. Exactly. I am learning Brian!!! Rivka's Rundown The Levite members didn’t want to serve the congregation. They said it’s hard enough having to wash the Kohens’ hands. The rabbi is very adamant about how a Kohen's hands must be cleaned. You have to get it up to the wrist. The rabbi suggested to the congregants that since he is serving H', he should be bathed. Once the president heard that was his job, he quit. The firstborns also passed. Even the Levites refused. After much Halachik discourse, the rabbi gave a Responsa (Tshuva) saying that he can bathe himself when circumstances do not allow for others to do so. And thus, he may come to shul clean. "Though, the shul should give him a raise for his service," to quote the end of the Responsa. The rabbi does not have learning in his contract. He went off on this idea that he has a contract with H’. His job according to H’ is to pass over Torah and to learn it. The board said his job is to ensure that the awning in the back of the shul gets put up correctly. That argument went on for a while. It turns out the rabbi is not a Levite. So, he does not feel he has to take care of the shul’s building. The rabbi did also not enjoy the birthday party of Sheindel’s daughter. Nobody knows her name. They should’ve had a baby naming. The rabbi said he had more fun at the Bris the other day, due to the assortment of sesame bagels. To quote: “Get an ice cream cake next time. Carvel is right down the block. Apikorsim.” And I agree. Only a heretic would serve carrot cake at a four-year-old’s birthday party. How they mess up every announcement. Dates are always missed. Always late. Does the one making the shul’s calendar not have a calendar??? The rabbi answered that. I love Tony Patelo’s Bike Shop. Great deals on bikes. Especially on Memorial Day. Yet, Tony's Easter Holiday Month Focus of April did not help our shul's holiday planning. Now, the shul is doing a fundraiser to raise money for a Jewish calendar. Free at the funeral home, the shul figures it can raise a good six-thousand-dollars off it. The idea is to put a name on the Kevers R Us Funeral Home Calendar Cover. The board discussed it and they said that for sake of good omen, it should be the name of a family member who passed. Not many people showed up to the Morwitz wedding. It wasn't in the announcements. The shul did insist on donations from the Morwitz family. It was a controversial situation. It turns out they didn't give enough. They needed to add on fifty dollars to the two-thousand they had donated. After the whole ordeal, being that people donated money to the shul in honor of the wedding, the fifty-dollars was met. They made the announcement about the wedding three months after it happened. For Simchas to be mentioned, you have to have money. The soldiers from Memorial Day did not sponsor a Kiddish, so they were forgotten. To give credit to the shul office, they would've been in the bulletin if they donated money. The rabbi gave a beautiful class and commemoration for those who gave their lives for America and retail. The rabbi suggested we commemorate the Jews that sacrificed themselves for our country by shopping at the clearance rack. It was meant to give credit to those who sacrificed for our country so we wouldn't have to overpay, which the rabbi called "freedom." He served tea to bring home the point, saying, "Iced tea is what America is founded for." The board thought more people would show up to all night learning if they heard the rabbi wouldn't be there. The congregants are sick of the rabbi using Halacha to answer their questions about being Jewish. They like the idea of a more holistic approach to Halacha, where you derive the laws from your feelings and Rakhi massage. Last year, people heard there was going to be learning. Nobody showed. Worst idea for drawing people. Got to have a different draw. All night cheesecake All night talking and hanging out. No rabbi. That's what draws people to shul. The people in our shul never learn anything. Shavuot has been an annual day of mourning. Having to learn Torah is so painful for them. Hence, being that there was a buffet at this year's all-night learning, people celebrated Shavuot, by coming together, eating, smiling and not learning. I get the feeling that the people in our shul would've taken to the golden calf thing if a smorgasbord was part of it. The rabbi is mad at Bracha Mindel. Even though she is a congregant, she didn’t give the rabbi off on grievance day. She was kicked out of the shul because she didn't lower the rabbi's home taxes. The rabbi claimed his home is only worth a hundred-fifty-thousand-dollars, though he paid six-hundred-thousand for it. The rabbi ended up giving a class about the difference in value when it comes to taxes. He then explained that the home would be worth two-million if the shul was selling it, as that would include the donation. The rabbi later tried selling his house to a congregant, and called it a fundraiser. Tags:
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Announcements
We ask people who lead in Kedusha work on their tunes before going up and leading the congregation in song, so the words fit a little. One note shouldn’t have to carry half a paragraph of words, due to unplanned melody. The "Ze El Ze vAmar" should not have to be forced into a quarter second, just to fit the new "Bnei Bunim" song. We also ask you don’t do new songs. Nobody wants to learn a song to sing along with that is not “Etz Chayim Hi.” We have a new fundraiser coming up this season. The shul needs to raise more funds. If anybody knows of any dead people, please let us know, so we can put up dedication plaques. Families of dead people like plaques. The rabbi gave a look of anger to a member last Shabbat. We wish a Mazel Tov to our rabbi who is finally settling into his position. After much discussion, the board has decided the next fundraiser will not be plated. To quote Shaindel, “People shouldn’t be forced to eat the shnitzel with that sauce on it. And I don’t like peas.” Halacha Class: How to Fit Fifteen Words into One Note, With Our Chazin Who Picks Wrong Melodies. What Dead People Give to Our Shul- Thoughts on a Future of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uTefillah Built on Death. Talking in Shul and How to Get Looks from Our Rabbi. A Chazin's Story of How He Ruined "Etz Chayim Hi" with Congregants Who Try to Sing Along. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Vayikra 25:14-18) Don’t aggravate people in business. You rip everybody off... It's a pyramid scheme. It is called a scheme. Pyramid "Scheme." You scam people. You're aggravators... You aggravate me in shul. I am sure your boss hates you... (Vayikra 25:35-38) Give people a chance to be successful. “Strengthen” them. Don’t take interest or increase. This shul has not allowed me to be successful. You've allowed me to deal with congregants. You've allowed me pain. You’ve increased the questions you ask... Because “I H’ your Gd. I took you out of Mitzrayim...” Don’t enslave people. That is the evil. Turning people into slaves. Scamming them. H’ is the Gd. H' doesn't run pyramid schemes. H' doesn't charge 2k to be able to sell Topeka as a tourist destination... What slaves do you know that are successful?... I don't know how much Harriet Tubman made... The board scammed me. Aggravates me every day. You’ve enslaved me with congregants... You told me Topeka is a beautiful place... Well. You left out the membership of the shul. It was a rabbi hire scheme... And I think the jubilee year is coming up next year. Freedom!!! (Vayikra 25:39-40) If your brother is sold to you, “don’t work him like the work of a slave. Like a laborer, like a resident, he shall be with you till the Yovel...” Don’t work him like a rabbi. Don’t make him go to meetings. Don’t make him have to deal with this president of the shul who has really dumb ideas... I am not suggesting that relationships should end with Yovel. I am saying that relationships with this congregation should end with Yovel... Because working here is slavery. Strengthen. That is our job in this Olam. To strengthen people. The congregants should be working out more. Very weak and out of shape. Bring people up. You enslave people. You think about you and your power. I bring people up. I support untalented people. I make them feel good. The Chazin did a great job Davening... Kedusha words should not fit. In Naaritzcha, the “Ze El Ze vAmar” should all be in one note. Said quick in one note, to finish the stanza... That's what H' would say. H' wouldn't complain, because He is not enslaving you... You guys don’t even know the old songs. Why are you doing new songs?... "Esa Enai" by Shalsheles is a new song... Around thirty years old, but new to our congregants. They like singing "Etz Chayim Hi." Just do everything to "Etz Chayim Hi" and "vShamru Bnei Yisrael"... Anything less than a hundred years old is new to our congregants... It's about bringing people up. Let them feel good. Let them work with the tunes they know. Two tunes is enough... We strengthen our shul through heritage. Through giving money... This isn't a scheme. This is a shul... We need more money. We need more death. Money is not made from the Simchas... Dedication plaques are key. Dedication stitching are is allowed... We need to strengthen our shul. We must focus on death as a shul. The average death sponsorship is $180. The average Simcha sponsorship is $18... Family death is also a very good focus... We have to stop focusing on youth. There is no money on youth. Youth who lost a parent... It is about not being a slave. We are only slaves to Gd. Your rabbi. Myself. I don’t have to worry anymore. I got a raise. I can say it. I cannot stand you people... Yes. I gave Mark a look. You people are annoying. I can finally say that. I have my new contract. I cannot stand the congregants in this shul. Your questions are annoying... I feel stronger. Emboldened. Empowered. Finally, this congregation did a Mitzvah... Strength means giving people choices. Buffet... Nobody wants plated dinners. I like buffet. Plated is good if you like green beans and peas... I don’t want to have to beg for another piece of meat. I like going up when I want another piece. Why we ever had plated... Well. Class is not appreciated. Class is slavery. Ever heard of the class system?... Exactly. They had plated food. And then so much wasted food. With buffet, I can eat Shaindel’s portion... Shaindel never eats. Meal is finished and she still is plated... Nobody should be enslaved to a plate... The fact that everybody here is lazy is a problem. (Vayikra 25:43) “You shall not subjugate him with hard labor,” is talking about slavery. It’s not saying that you people should not help. It’s not saying that you should get plated dinners because it’s hard work to go up to the buffet. Strength means not slaves. Choices. Buffet. (Vayikra 26:3-9) Just follow in Gd’s decrees and He will establish His covenant with us. Be strong and be slaves to Gd. Do not listen to the board. They don't even know how to sing "Etz Chayim Hi" right. The board scams people. It's a shul scheme. Don't hold people as slaves to a painful community. That is how you have goodness in Israel... Gd's decrees allow for enjoyment of life. Simcha. Buffets with as many portions as you want. Getting stronger with a decent workout regimen... Gd's decrees do not have anybody thinking Topeka is a destination... Rivka's Rundown And the people of our shul started working out, so they wouldn't be slaves. I believe that's the message the rabbi was trying to get across. I think it was, "Workout so that you can be free people and sing 'Etz Chayim Hi.'" "Nobody should be enslaved to a plate." Such beautiful words from our Rav. He considers being a rabbi slavery, because the congregants have really dumb requests. On congregants requested the rabbi move Shavuot to the middle of June. She thought that since there was a Pesach Sheni, maybe we could do a second Shavuot as well. The idea came because the weather hasn't been that good, and she still feels she can get more time out of her lilacs. The rabbi was lying about the next Yovel. The next jubilee year is in 2028-29. He just wanted to get paid and get out of this job. The rabbi yelled "Freedom." Middle of his sermon. He was inspired by Braveheart. The rabbi feeling empowered is not a good thing. He is making every request he can. He now wants to add another Mechitzah, so that he doesn't have to see any of the congregants. To quote, "I will not feel free free until I don't have to see members of this shul. As long as I am slave to this job, and getting paid, you are all sinning. This is why I shouldn't have to see anybody. I am holy and following Gd's decrees." Toni got half the shul to sign up for this pyramid scheme, selling Topeka as a vacation destination because it has a park. People bought into this idea of Topeka being a great place to vacation at because it has a playground. The members had to pay 2k to have the right to sell Topeka as a destination with a jungle gym. Now, half the congregation vacations in Topeka. The people have lost all their vacation savings and they’re now vacationing in their homes. Most of the people thought that it was a shul fundraiser, as the cost of selling the pyramid scheme was so outrageous. They forgot to announce Yom Yerushalayim and Memorial Day. The announcements never have stuff on time. So, nobody cared about the Holy City reunifying. Many of the congregants were mad they did not know when Marshall's was a having a sale for fallen soldiers. My section of the shul protested the congregation, yelling, "Because of you, we are slaves to retail." And it is on the backdrop of missing out on the Memorial Day Sale that nobody in our shul feels strengthened right now. The rabbi truly does bring people up. He's an uplifter. I've seen Bar Mitzvah boys do the worst job, and the rabbi is always there to let the young lad know that it's not his fault he's so bad at being a Jew. He makes sure to tell the Bar Mitzvah boy, "It's your parents' fault." They're always off. The tunes in our shul don’t fit the words. That seems to be tradition. You can’t teach an old congregant a new song. The Chazin does an excellent new song and it’s shunned. People are booing the guy. No matter how good the song is, they want to sing "Etz Chayim Hi." They're stuck on it. They truly get into "Etz Chayim Hi." They belt it out like pros. They can't even take out the Torah right. They sing "Etz Chayim Hi" when taking out the Torah. That's our song. We know it. We sing it. Nothing else has made into our shul lexicon of singing to Gd. Our shul truly capitalizes on death. They send Kaddish letters. The last one I got said, "We wish you well on the loss of your mother. Here is where you give the money." They even have death sponsorships. You can sponsor Shalishudis, Kiddish or death. Most congregants didn't want to sponsor death. They said it was self-incriminating. They’re still sponsoring sermons though. Such a scam. The rabbi gets a salary and the one thing he does is sermons. I think some of that money is going to Toni's pyramid scheme. The rabbi bringing up the idea of youth losing a parent was not well appreciated. The rabbi later said he was talking about divorce. That got the support of the congregants. It turns out the people in our shul don't like their spouses. The rabbi settled in finally. He gave an angry look at Mark for talking. I've learned that when a rabbi starts to express his hate for the congregants, he is comfortable with his position. The last rabbi used to curse at the members. Instead of wishing them a Good Shabbis, he would wish them Gehenim. I don’t know anybody that likes plated. You feel good for a minute, and then you realize there is other food you wanted. Not peas. Buffets are better for the health of our shul. The movement keeps you more fit. The only time I've seen another member of our shul walk is to the buffet. When it's plated, they just sit there. Buffets are also good for my steps on the way to the tacos. I need steps. Our membership needs more steps. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Emor5/18/2025
Announcements
We raised five-hundred-dollars at the Dinner of Fun Fundraiser. We want to thank our event organizers for making it a success. The countless hours they put into the shul raising five-hundred-dollars. The weeks. The months. Call your mothers if you missed Mother’s Day last week because it was not in the announcements. We do suggest you purchase the shul calendar for only nine-hundred-eighty-dollars. It's being sold by the shul, so it's a donation. You could buy one at the store for a couple bucks. But that won't have the shul's logo on it. We want to thank those who donated wood to the youth for their Lag BOmer fire. It saved the Bima this year. Ralph’s funeral was hard on everybody, except his kids who will be receiving a fine inheritance. The Topeka Town Board wants us to drive faster at Jewish funerals. We know it’s wrong to beep at a funeral. The town folk thought we were celebrating a wedding with a hearse. We ask people drive faster to curb antisemitism. At the next funeral, the hearse will be going ten miles over the speed limit, to ensure dead people do not slow the flow of traffic. Contemporary Halacha Class: What You Can Buy for Our Shul with Five-Hundred-Dollars- A New Paper Towel Dispenser and How the Fundraiser Helped Purchase That. How To Miss a Holiday By Asking Our Office Staff. How To Make Your Mother Feel Loved When You Forget Her. Lag BOmer Fires and Why They Are Better Outside of Our Shul. How to Slow Down Our City with a Funeral or Sadie Driving Anywhere. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... The Kohen cannot go to funerals because he brings bread to Gd. It has nothing to do with not wanting to get your pants dirty from the shoveling onto the grave... (Vayikra 21:8) “You shall sanctify him, because he offers the food of Gd. Holy he shall be to you...” Your work makes you holy. Which is why the president of our shul is not going to get heaven... You become your work. This is why the Kohen is holy and the president of the shul is corrupt. This is why Sharon wears the ugliest hats... It’s your hat store Sharon. Very frumpy. It should be called Sharon's Frumpy Fedoras... This is why the Gabai forgets everybody’s name... I have no idea how it happens but the Gabais of our shul forget names. It seems like you can’t remember one name of a congregant. You point, say “you,” and then you call them... Most Gabais save time by knowing people’s names... This is why I can’t stand people anymore... Because I'm a rabbi and I deal with congregants... I don't show up to funerals because the congregants don't pay me enough. And traffic is too slow... You guys should not work. Your work causes you to be worse people. (Vayikra 23) We learn of the holidays and Shabbat. “All of the work you shall not do.” It constantly says to not do any work. Because whenever you people work on something you ruin it. The membership of our shul would ruin any holiday... You ruined my Pesach. I can tell you that. What makes Shabbat holy is you not working... Because whenever you get your hands on something, you ruin it. There's a reason you're not Kohens... Not everybody can serve as a Kohen. Even some Kohens can't serve as Kohens. Big eyebrows, no nose bridge people, those with a little limp. If you looked like Menachem and you were a Kohen, you would not be able to serve... You look kind of funny Menachem. I know your wife loves you. As she should... I would've told the Kohen Committee to not use members of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah... If you did nothing, you would be much better people. Kohens are holy because of their work. Our membership is holy when they stay away. And we need a Minyin this week. So please show up... Your work is not holy... Mike. Your work at the golf course, carrying bags for rich people... Your work ruined the shul’s fundraiser. If we would've done nothing, we would've had a better fundraiser... How is $500 a success?! You spent months preparing the thing. You could've just cut a check... I want to thank the Fundraiser of Fun committee. Thank you for helping the shul lose members with an annoying dinner that nobody could afford... Something you should do is call your mother on Mother's Day. But you don't do that... Don't blame the shul. If you waited to hear from the shul office, you would've started Shabbat on Monday... Because the office does everything late. They get it right. The office is amazing after the fact... A Mother's Day Calendar. Was that a thousand dollars??? There is a point where it's not a fundraiser anymore. It's just not having an understanding of what stuff is worth... Five dollars. That's a calendar at CVS. From the shul. 1k... I don't care if the calendar has a picture. Five dollars is a lot... Yes. CVS is expensive. I used the most expensive place to buy a calendar. The second most expensive place. The most expensive place to buy a calendar is our shul. You could’ve announced Mother’s Day right. On time. Even your work on announcements ruins things... Mother's Day is a holy day, if you remember it. Only thing you should do is call your mother on Mother's Day... Because it's Mother's Day, Nachum. It's not Tuesday. It's not Father's Day. It's not Shabbis... You don't call on Shabbis. Just don't do anything. Even honoring your mother on the one day that is hers, you get wrong... So. The Mother’s Day announcement is a week late again. What’s important is that the announcement was made... You should always care about your mother. It’s not a day. Only thing you should do is call your mother. Other than that, you ruin holiness. Can we get somebody to control the youth? If nobody did anything, it would be better than your work... Make the youth holy and don’t parent. Somebody has to get our youth group under control. When a youth group is run by youth... Exactly. Something is wrong. I’m not suggesting the parents of our shul run it. That would be more messed up. I know the parents of the shul. The parents would’ve burned the whole shul for Lag BOmer. Called it an accident for insurance monies... The video was fine for you, Bernie. You didn't need an actual bonfire. Last year, half the shul burnt down. The shul is now half the size... Because we lost members with the fundraiser. That is true... You don't need a fire pit in the social hall. Since when is this fire thing so important to you? Since when are you a devout Chasid?... We ask our congregants to drive faster in the funeral processions. It turns out we were driving too slow... We got beeped last time. The guy thought it was a wedding. The bride and groom were not in the hearse... It wasn’t a wedding, Bernie. The people were happy because nobody liked Ralph. The hearse does look like a nice limousine. And it should. Dead people deserve better... They were beeping because they were anti-Semites. Anti-Semites mad a guy died and they didn't have anything to do with it... I know it looks wrong to beep. It’s also wrong to follow the procession to get home faster. Jack and Thelma. You had half the congregation following the procession to your house... We can't even get a funeral right... We still have to bury the person. There are certain things we have to do... This is why you don't drive on Shabbat and Yom Tov. Our membership would think the shul moved to 1800 Windthrop Avenue, by Jack and Thelma... You act properly at a funeral. You were on a phone... What is so important? What is more important than Ralph’s death... I am not saying it is something we wanted. We didn’t want Ralph to pass... It’s just that it’s like a party to you. Felvel thinks it’s a reunion. Running into friends. It’s like a Bat Mitzvah for Ethel. Seeing everybody... You don’t throw candies into a grave.... There wasn't a Kohen at the funeral. This is why the one thing you can do is go to funerals. That and call your mom. All the congregants should be doing is going to funerals and calling their moms... Also. Donating money to the shul. Why do you all want Kohens at funeral so badly???! All would be holy. Our days would be holy if the board and the shul membership did less. Guard Shabbat and the holidays. Do nothing... Rest from work so nothing messed up happens... I can’t even speak to you guys. You're like a man with no nose bridge. And even the no nose bridge guy should call his mom... From now on, call your mothers and do nothing else. That is the only way for this congregation to be holy... Don't call on Shabbis. I give up. Just do anything. But pay your dues. I would say to give donations, but you get those wrong too. You would've probably donated hewn stone to the Temple. Rivka's Rundown Our membership does mess up everything. The rabbi is correct, aspirations and people doing stuff has ruined our shul. Our membership participating makes it less holy. The rabbi had to back off the membership not doing stuff for there to be holiness when he realized the shul needs a Minyin. He said, "You should do nothing. But do come to Minyin. We need you for that. But when you come to Minyin. Do nothing. Doing nothing at Minyin is holy." The rabbi had to add that congregants should be donating money to the shul. The president was staring at the rabbi, waiting for him to say it. They just gave the rabbi a raise. The no nose bridge is just hurtful. The most derogatory thing you can say. Almost as hurtful as telling somebody they have long eyebrows. I think the Gabai's inability to remember names of congregants would preclude him from being a Kohen. It also causes us to add an extra ten minutes to Davening. Every single time, we have to wait for Bernie and Max to walk up before he gets their names. That's a good five minutes each. Bernie and Max both have nose bridges. So, maybe they could be Kohens with their really long eyebrows. I am not sure though. It might be that the Torah is saying "really old people, with their long eyebrows, shouldn't serve as Kohens anymore." The dinner for $330 a couple raised $500 in total. Something went wrong, and nobody could figure it out. The committee said they should've charged more. They said that if they would've charged even more than people can afford, people would've thought it was classy, even though they served shnitzel and called it a Fundraiser of Fun. You can't charge $330 for fun. Anything over three-hundred-dollars, fun is gone. They suggested not to draw more people but to draw more money out of people. With an attendance of thirty, it was not going to raise money. Even the honorees’ families didn’t show. The families wrote a statement, “We don’t pay $330 for fun, unless if we’re losing the money at a casino. And that isn’t fun either.” It turns out there is a number people are not willing to spend on honorees. I did not know this before our shul brought up the sale price to $330. Shloimi and Bracha took the turnout personally. I wrote a personal message to Shloimi and Bracha to let them know I cared. I told them, "I care about you for anything less than $180. Anything more than $180, I don't care about you anymore. For $330, I am fine with you eating alone." I hope my message of my love for them got across. And for some reason, nobody bought the shul calendar. Nine-hundred-eighty-dollars for a calendar seems to be out of the price range of most. Everything is expensive in shul. Out of shul, a bookcase is eighty dollars. In shul, you can donate a bookcase for 10k. By the way, the shul calendar had pictures of people learning Torah. They tried getting the leftovers into CVS. But CVS said they didn't think the 1k calendar with religious Jews could compete with the five-dollar firefighter calendar. Our board had a committee meeting to try to figure out how firemen make money off a five-dollar calendar. That’s our shul. Making announcements a week late. Mothers should know we care about them after the fact. The rabbi had to bring up the "caring about mother is not a day" argument to cover for the board again. It turns out the board doesn't care about their mothers, or their rabbi. Last year, the youth Lag BOmer fire consisted of the rabbi’s desk and Shtender. It also included some kitchen appliances which didn’t burn. Which shocked our high schoolers who thought the microwave should burn, as stuff in the kitchen cooks with fire. They didn't know about electromagnetic waves. The rabbi was worried about the youth having no supervision. But then he looked at the congregation and was even more worried. To quote the rabbi, "If the parents of this congregation are the ones watching over our youth, we can kiss this chapel goodbye." The Topeka Town Council is messed up. They had the traffic police issue a ticket to the dead person for slowing down traffic at his funeral. Our congregation acts wrong at funerals. One guy was on the phone chatting. Our congregants love funerals. I never see them smiling at Bat Mitzvahs. Funerals. Everybody is chipper. The candy throwing into the grave was crazy. And then the dirt throwing. No dirt control. They’re throwing it so far. Hit the mother-in-law with a huge shovel’s worth. You truly have to aim the dirt right. It's supposed to go into the ground to cover the grave. Malkie didn't hit it once. Malkie was trying to shot put the dirt. We need to learn shovel control at our shul. And it was a huge hole too. How Malkie missed. And then some of the younger guys who couldn’t hit the gym are using the shoveling as a chance to work out. They wouldn’t give anybody else a chance. One guy even said he was getting a “good pump.” Messed up. Truth is that most of the community left before Ralph's grave was totally covered. They left the grave open. The grave committee said it was too much to care for the deceased at that point. “It is too late to care about Ralph. I have to get home and watch that series... It’s great. The one about the lawyer who got convicted. Ralph can take care of the rest." Our congregants only make decisions through committee. The fact they formed a committee at the graveyard to not help bury Ralph was messed up. The only things they're supposed to- funerals, Minyin and calling mothers- they form committees to get out of. The next morning a committee decided the shul should not have a Minyin. Ten men showed. They called it a committee and they all left before Barchu. Tags:
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This Week's Parsha is Achrei-Kedoshim. Shul dinner is this week. We were able to cut cost. The price per couple is only $330. Be sure to purchase your seats at the $330 discount. And there is a single person discount rate of only $280. We are hoping the shul Dinner of Fun Fundraiser draws a younger crowd. If it is members of our shul, that is great. We would rather have people who can afford the dinner. Due to the antisemitism, the Jews will not be burning anything this Lag BOmer. It just sounds wrong to burn anything a Jew owns other than the art projects your kids bring home from Beis Sefer Yiladim vChatifim. We want to apologize for not letting Nachum into the event. He’s been a community member for thirty years. Security said he didn’t sign up, so he’s not safe. People who don’t sign up are felons. That's how the Jewish community views people who can't make plans. The shul would officially like to blame Donald Trump for everything. Halacha Class: The Board and How to Lose Members by Charging More for a Dinner Than Membership. How to Look Like an Anti-Semite on Lag BOmer by Burning Things Outside our Shul. How to Keep People from Showing Up to Your Shul with Our event Organizers. How Our Board is Blaming Donald Trump for the Curtain in the Hallway. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Yes. It’s Achrei Mot-Kedoshim. But you if add in the Mot, now we can’t fit it on the announcements page... It's two Parshas... That’s how we name Parshas. Based on how much we can fit in the announcements. There were too many words already, so we shortened the Parsha. We left out death. Is that not a good thing?!... Parsha is same length. We shortened the name. Well. Now it’s "after they became holy." That’s the Parsha... I don’t know why Lag BOmer is such a major holiday... The Lag BOmer fires cannot be used for sacrifices. Only in the Temple... Burning doors and mattresses for sacrificial purposes might be fine in the Beit Hamikdash itself. I am not sure... Don’t reveal nakedness of aunts, uncles, siblings, parents... It’s family. Do I have to explain? You’re sick people... Family is allowed to be attractive. Just not to you... Cousins can marry. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have the Simchovitz clan here in Topeka... (Vayikra 18:24-30) “Do not become contaminated through any of these, for through all of these the nations that I expel before you were contaminated.” Maybe the Canaanites weren’t aware of the Hittities. Some very attractive Hittites. A lot of nations liked the Hittities. To quote the Perizzite, "She was a hot Hittitie..." They had a reputation... There was also a lot of nepotism on the job front. Who do you think cut wood? It was the Canaanite woodcutters. It’s the contamination that caused them to be thrown out of Israel. The contamination of forbidden relationships. Kind of like having forbidden people running the shul, such as board members... It's these abominable acts that contaminate. It's a matter of disrespecting the holiness of familial relationship, without Hittities... And now I hear of this idea in our society of cheating. What is the whole new cheating on your spouse... Gd doesn’t forgive you. The land doesn’t forgive you. Topeka doesn’t forgive you. The reason why Topeka has a such an ugly downtown is the debauchery. This is why the buildings have rotted wood. Depravity... Depravity kills downtowns and building facades. And it causes potholes... Land upchucks people it doesn't like. Such as Bernie and the president of the shul... I don't know if we can blame Trump for Topeka's potholes... “The land became contaminated.... and it disgorged its inhabitants." The land is disgusted by you... And I am too... Simcha. For you it’s the fact you don’t mow your lawn... Your lawn looks like the earth literally puked... These abominable acts is what causes the earth to throw us up. To upchuck us. To have to see weeds on Simcha's lawn. Dandelions from a month ago... You mow them... People still haven’t purchased their seats for the dinner. Families purchase seats. It's what makes family holiness... Holiness starts in the house. Then it goes to seats at shul... Well. Yes. It’s $330. You’re not just getting seats. You're getting shnitzel... Single person is $280... Then get married... $330 a discounted rate. But everybody gets it... Why can't everybody get a discount?... So, call it a sale. It's a flash sale for everybody... Even people that purchase the seats the last day... I can’t explain why it costs more than a wedding. And with no band. Maybe it's the clown. The Dinner of Fun will have shnitzel and a clown... No. I can't say Dinner of Fun Fundraiser ten times fast... Young people can still pay... Well. If they can't afford it, they can't come... Now I'm with you. Then why is it for young people if they can't afford the dinner? It's the board's decision... I'm feeling like I'm going to puke shnitzel right now... Abominable. You get kicked out of the land when shnitzel is that expensive. Families can't afford it... Nobody cares about single people... What do you want to burn Mark? Always burning... Lag BOmer is a good reason to burn something... You don't burn donations. The shul wants to burn old donations, so they can get new ones. Cutting wood would be a proper thing to do for Lag BOmer. Just not in shul... We need the beams. You cut wood off a tree and burn that. You don't burn the shul's beams. You don't burn stuff people donated... You guys just find stuff and burn it. Put some effort into Lag BOmer. Gather shrubs. Instead, you destroy homes and the land... Make a fire pit. Effort. So, the land doesn't upchuck you... You make a beautiful Lag BOmer fire. It's holy. You bring community together in holiness. You sanctify it... This Lag Bomer with no shrubs. Abominable. Of course they didn’t let you into the community Program for Israel Love, Nachum. They know you... Then you should've signed up. They let in people who sign up. Signing up is what makes people safe. Not safe people don't make plans... These mass murderers don't plan it... I can't explain the manifesto they write part. If you go to a community event, sign up. But don't send the organizers a manifesto. They may not let you in if a manifesto is attached to your registration... No. You can’t blame Donald Trump for your stupidity. You messed up the shul's dinner. People aren't coming because of your idea of Funtime Dinnertime. And they're not joining the Lag BOmer fire, because you haven't collected wood... Be holy. Why Bernie? Because H’ is holy. (Vayikra 19:2) "You shall be holy because I am holy, H’ your Gd." It starts with marital relations and not acting sexually deprave. It starts with looking outside your family, at the Hitittes... It doesn't stop there. (Vayikra 19:1-14) Then there is Shabbat. No idol worshiping. And eating Kodesh at the right times... You eat holy when you're holy... (Vayikra 19:9) Leave the corner of the field. Gifts to the poor... Yes. That’s part of being holy. Mitzvahs. You do Mitzvahs, the land's stomach feels better... Donations to your shul is part of being holy. You don't give donations. You don't go to the shul dinner and pay $330 for a seat. This is why the shul wants to upchuck you. If you liked shnitzel, the shul would like you more... And pay people on time. Your rabbi has to wait for a check every two weeks... Don’t steal. Don’t lie, especially in Gd’s name. Basically, stay away from the board. (Vayikra 19:13) Don’t let payment remain till morning... Well, if that's the one writing the checks, the office manager should be upchucked. We affect our land. And that is done by not giving gifts to the poor... A dollar in the Pushke does not make for a land that doesn't vomit you up. You have to give more Tzedakah than a dollar... I know you never give more. If you were giving a corner of your land, it would be the area with hypotenuse of one centimeter... Don’t burn random stuff on Lag BOmer. Like land. Unless if it's Simcha's. He won't mow the thing. And don’t curse the deaf or place a stumbling block in front of blind people... No. It’s not funny, Samantha. The whole tripping thing... The whole not cleaning up your kids' toys and leaving them laying around in the shul's hallway... This is why the shul wants to upchuck you. You contaminate. “And you shall fear your Gd. I am H’.” It is this fear that keeps us holy and not contaminated when we are in our rooms at home. When we are in shul and wanting to throw out Samantha and the board. It is this fear of Gd that allows us to live properly in Israel. With nicely paved streets. No potholes. Decent building facades made of Jerusalem stone... But it all starts with how you treat the family. And your kids are messed up... Rivka's Rundown I am not a big fan of the shul upchucking me. I don’t like the visual. The sermon was quite graphic with the upchucking of nakedness. Half the shul thought cutting wood was another euphemism for passing gas. To quote, “Did Bernie pass gas, cut cheese or cut wood?” Very true. Depravity has ruined our downtown. Even the streets have potholes. The first half of the sermon was the rabbi answering questions. The second half was the rabbi repeating Halacha, Jewish laws, trying to get his congregants to be moral and decent people. He gave up on that and just told them that they and their families are the reason why there are potholes in the streets. He then answered questions by telling them they are full of nakedness because they don't donate enough money to the shul. Immorality is in private company. I know this, because I have seen many of our congregants picking their nose in their cars. They wouldn't do that, if they knew people were watching. I know our congregants are not good with outward Mitzvot too. I am sure they are good at not checking out their aunts and uncles. But they are definitely not good at showing up for Minyin or getting a decent Lulav and Etrog. They look like a bunch of peasants, walking around on Sukkot with their branches coming apart. It’s a rip off. $330 for a dinner. And then you get what?! Just call it a donation. If the called it a donation, I would know I was getting ripped off, and I would feel like I was giving a corner of my salary to the shul. By the way, the shul is not poor. I know this, because they just pulled in $330 for seats and dinner, with a clean four thousand percent profit. They don't need the corner of the field. By the way, after the dinner (I had to go- I couldn't get out of it- they honored somebody I know- which is how they get you to pay), I went for falafel. The $330 chicken was dry. I'm figuring they were charging us for the extra work they put into drying out the chicken. The chef put no care and love into his food. I am guessing he only saw fifteen of the three hundred thirty. Older people who could afford the dinner didn't show up, because they thought it was only for younger people. There was one young family who showed. They brought their six-year-old and toddler. They figured it was cheaper to pay for the little one than to have to hire a babysitter. The rabbi blamed the dumb idea of making a fundraiser for young people who can't afford it on the board. The rabbi has started a new thing where anything that goes wrong gets blamed on the board. He gave an extremely non-inspirational Yom HaAtzmaut speech. He blamed it on the board. He said their last meeting about new secure door hinges interfered with his clarity about the meaning of Israel's independence. It turns out that you have to call people six times to ensure they purchase their seats for dinners where shnitzel is $330. They should use this method to get people to pay for Aliyahs. Once people are worried the shul won’t stop calling, they will give money to not have to hear the phone ring. I'm not paying for the shnitzel and the chair. And by the way, you don't get to keep the seat. That was my protest. I paid. I had to. They get you with the honorees. You have to go broke because they're honoring Shloimi and Bracha for knowing people. I believe that was the honor. They know people. The Dinner of Fun drew a younger crowd, who didn’t pay entrance. The young people that came said it’s not fun to pay. Being that the shul is now listening to the younger crowd, they heard their plight and told them they don’t have to pay. The young people had fun at the Dinner of Fun fundraiser, and the shul lost money. But the young people said they will promise to show up to programs where they don’t have to pay for the food. So, we're moving in a positive direction for the future of our shul. Our congregants burn anything they can find on Lag BOmer. This is why the rabbi had security at the shul all week, guarding the drapes and table covers, in anticipation of Lag BOmer. The shul Lag BOmer bonfire was a video. They did a video bonfire this year. They said it is safer if it’s in video form. So, they put up a screen and we sang. The singing was with a video leader. The new idea of the shul is to have everything in video form. Ever since COVID, people like their Judaism in video form. That was messed up. Treating Nachum like a felon. The guy has been part of the community since he was a child. I think it was to spite Nachum for not being wealthy. If he had more money, they would've let him in with a gun. The whole safety thing is ludicrous. You show up to an event and you can't get in. The only way you can get in is if you resend the Jewish Federation your profile. Each event you have to re-prove that it's you. And then they don't even tell you where it is. That's it. Nachum didn't get into the event because he knew where it was. Only a felon would know where they're hosting a Jewish event nowadays. We have to stop worrying about antisemitism. It's just causing more Jew hatred. I wouldn't be surprised if Nachum attacks the Jews now. Even if he does, they won't let him in. The crazy thing is that the Federation is vigilant when it comes to keeping Jews out. They are good at keeping Jews out of Jewish events, for the safety of Jews. If an anti-Semite showed, they would let them in. No questions asked. The board started blaming Donald Trump for everything. The president said he was possessed by Donald Trump to send foreigners to shuls in other countries, saying they were tourists. He felt so bad that he misunderstood Trumps statement against terrorists. Nothing was mentioned about Mother's Day. It turns out that there is no extra Mitzvah to honor your mother on Mother's Day. Hence, our shul and the Funtime Committee charges them $330 for a dinner. Tags:
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Shloimi is the new Gabai. Because the rest of you can’t figure out when to start Chazaras HaShas. A bunch of fools spaced out, looking around. The rabbi takes three steps back, you start. Note to All Congregants: People finish their silent Amidah, you start right away. Otherwise, we will lose congregants to places that are faster. And if you are leading, do it fast. Nobody wants to hear you sing. Even your wives are schepping no Nachis. We are going to stop giving envelopes to people after Aliyahs. We realized that not one person has sent a check to the shul in appreciation. It turns out our membership can’t even afford stamps. You can now donate to the shul. Anything we already have in the shul is up for donation. Bookcases. The Ark. Youth groups. Samantha’s huge hat she decides to wear to block everybody’s view. The annual dinner is next week. We’ve changed the name from the Dinner of Excellence to the Dinner of Fun. We feel this will draw a younger crowd. Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Not Make Everyone Wait, Spacing Out Before Chazaras HaShas. How to Use an Envelope and Make a Donation. How to Get Rid of Past Donations By Taking Off The Cover of The Torah Somebody Else Donated. How to Put a Plaque on Everything With Our Board. How to Make Everything Sound Like a Preschool Program With Our Annual Dinner's Committee. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Burns are not Tamei. If you burn yourself on the stove top... Why are you touching stove tops and not speaking Lashon Hara?... Bald men are still pure. Not somebody you’d want to set your daughter up with... Girls aren't attracted to the baldness, Baruch... Doesn't make you contaminated. Just single. (Vayikra 13:55) Clothes can be contaminated. If the affliction “has not changed its color after it has been washed, and it has not spread, it is contaminated, you shall burn it...” I’ve been telling Nachum to burn his shirt because it’s ugly. Purified clothes can still be ugly when purchased at Costco... Kirkland shirts are great. Did your shirt come with cashews?... First you try to clean it. (Vayikra 13:54) You clean the contaminated area. Some things you can’t fix. Like our shul. The slow uptake on the cantor's repetition of the Amidah. Donations for everything, causing a deficit... How donations cause a deficit is an anomaly. Yet, our shul somehow finds it normal... (Vayikra 13:56-58) Clothes become impure too... You need clean clothes. Otherwise, you might as well burn them. If they come out cleaner, “the affliction left them, it shall be immersed again and it shall become pure.” Pure clothes have to be clean. When you dress like our congregants, with stains all over, you start to ask how much Lashon Hara they’re speaking. And you ask why they keep wearing white shirts... I know you're supposed to wear white on Shabbat. But all I see are red and blue stains... (Vayikra 14:8) Purification here involves birds... Not out of a hat... Hyssop too... He “shall immerse his clothes, and he shave all his hair, and he shall immerse himself in water and become pure...” He needs a deep clean. After all the Lashon Hara, you smell bad... I don’t know what hyssop is. Maybe they use it to make stuff smell better... They speak Lashon Hara because you wear messed up clothes. Because you don’t shower. If you showered and didn’t dress like Baruch, who is bald, and maybe wore a hat, to cover up your baldness, nobody would speak Lashon Hara about you... The point is to be clean when you purify... I’ve seen you bringing grimy pots to the Mikvah... If it’s not clean, it’s not pure... To be clean of sin. To get rid of your messed up clothes. Some things you can't make better. Your sinful stained clothing. You burn it... Our shul is not pure. This is why we must cleanse the shul of contaminated people who can't Daven... People who have no idea when to start doing Chazaras HaShas, the repetition, should be quarantine... Then why are they leading?!... Well they shouldn’t lead Davening. You guys have no idea what to do in shul. You’re like a Chazir stuck in headlights. Shloimi has the head nod down. He knows people’s names. He’s not afraid to call up people for Aliyahs to the Torah... The last Gabai just stood there hoping somebody would give him an idea of who to call up... This is why Shloimi is not quarantined. He's a good leader. He knows how to nod at the right moments. He let's the Chazin know to start the repetition of the Amidah... And your singing is off. This is the only shul where the wives are saying, "My husband has such a bad voice. I wish he wouldn't lead..." Other shuls have wives that feel like their husband is serenading them when they're taking the Amud... That means being a Chazin. Leading the Tzibur. The Baal Tefilah. Cantor. Baruch! And your wife doesn't want to hear you sing. No wife here wants her husband to serenade her. People would ask why she married that... Too much donation asking. You even ask people for donations in quarantine... They can't give donations in quarantine. With unclean money... Why the Aliyah envelopes? People don't use envelopes anymore. They make donations online... Then we should give them the shul's web address... Yes. On Shabbis. When else, Bernie?... It's a web address. It's not a physical address. You can tell people where that is. We don't have to worry about security at the web address. We don't need to put in 500k for a decent firewall... Be pure. Give to the shul. Give clean money... Money should be run through the laundry after you’ve touched it with all your sneezing in the back to the shul there... Lashon Hara makes people sneeze. Contamination... It’s like an affliction of sneezing. And then I have to clean my clothes... Handkerchiefs are not pure. They’re Tamei. Not Tahor... Well. Handkerchiefs are disgusting... Well, the bookcase is in shul. So, it costs more. It’s the space you’re paying for... Of course. You donate stuff that is already here. It was donated before. Now you redonate. It’s called a redonation... It's where you take away the donation that was there before. And the shul gets more money... I need a raise... You can donate anything. The shul will take money for anything... How are we going to put a plaque on Samantha's hat?... Money makes things uncontaminated. A donation has the power to give somebody who does not keep the laws of Shabbat an Aliyah... It's how the law works Bernie... I agree. Dinner of Fun makes no sense. It’s a fundraising dinner. Who’s giving money? Eight-year-olds?... A fun house is impure. Burn it. We need a pure fundraising event with old people... Because they give money... Younger crowd? Young people don't give money... Young couples give nothing... The Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah Playhouse Funhouse. It's all here. So much Lashon Hara to be spoken about. The dumb decisions of the president of this shul. The handkerchiefs. The dumb donation ideas. The Dinner of Fun to raise 400K... It doesn't mean you have to speak Lashon Hara about the board and the stupidity. You therefore must atone by cleaning within you the stuff you spoke Lashon Hara about... You shave, because you spoke about somebody's bad hair. Either that, or you look disgusting... Be pure. Donate in a way of immersion. Immerse into the donations to the shul. Most of all. Make it all make sense. Give a lot of money... The message of our Parsha is that no matter how Tamei you are. No matter how messed up of a congregation you belong to. No matter how many people speak Lashon Hara about your dumb ideas of Funtime Dinner Night for adults. You have to clean your clothes... Put up a load every once in a while. Otherwise, you're Tamei. And a happy Yom HaAtzmaut... It's the 5th of Iyar today. And you have a Tamei mind. Not thinking about Israel. Rivka's Rundown I so respect our rabbi and his ability to turn any speech into an appeal. Beautiful Yom HaAtzmaut sermon. I thought the rabbi was going to appeal on behalf of Israel at the end there. But he was focused on his messed-up congregants who he said are too contaminated to be allowed into Israel. I think the rabbi left Israel out of his speech, because the congregation is so messed up. He also doesn't want to lose any money to Israel. To quote the rabbi, "Israel at least has Jews who care, and give their rabbi a raise." They're so worried about security, the president made the staff bring in a cyber-security team to make sure nobody can find our address. Now, nobody can find the shul, because it's not listed anymore. And nobody can find out when Minyin is, because they can't find the web address. Security has kept people from showing up to programs. They still don't tell people where or what is going on, for security reasons. And what are they worried about the internet for? Nobody will want to steal the shul's debt, brought on by the Funhouse Fundraiser. The Parsha is just making fun of bald people. Bald people and people who dress with stains. Either that or Tzara'at. Baruch is bald and trying to meet a woman. It's a turnoff. All the girls see is a bald four-year-old in their future. Stanley's wife, Nechama, blamed him for their baby coming out of the womb bald. In the birthing unit, she started yelling, "Our baby has no hair because of you. A bald little six pounder." I didn't like the idea of calling the kid a six pounder. When I usually order a six pounder of brisket. Come to think of it, I can't think of a non-bald man in our congregation. I agree. Kirkland clothing is not the best thing to tell people about. You shouldn't advertise you purchased your clothes at the grocery. The sermon started with a whole discussion about how very white people should not be made fun of. Nor should bald people. The rabbi had to explain the difference between Tumah, impurity, and ugly people. The rabbi's main point was the board is contaminated. It took the rabbi a while to explain how Lashon Hara makes you smell bad. I respect him. He didn't give up on it. He had a concept. Nobody understood it. And he kept with it. Some of our congregants sneeze a lot. Disgusting. Since COVID, sneezing has finally been accepted as disgusting and reason to quarantine people. Truth is the last Gabai was just scared. He got attacked for giving an Aliyah once. He thought he was calling up somebody to the Torah. The next thing he knows, he's getting attacked and Moishie is screaming at him, “You called the wrong Balabas again. I’m going to beadle your face.” Balabas is a Baal Habayit. The head of a household who likes to complain about the rabbi and attack the Gabai. The Aliyah envelopes are such a scam. Once I saw that, I knew they were trying to get money any way possible. Donating to the shul is something I'm now having a hard time with. A bookcase is $80. Shul donation, the bookcase is 10k. The shul is just scamming as much money as possible. And then it appears they can just drop it for a new one. If there were time commitments, like donation warranties, I would think about doing it. But they'll just get rid of my bookcase and replaque it. If I'm getting a bookcase, I want a lifetime warranty on it. Ikea gives a warranty for eighty-dollars. It's like a bad dentist, replaquing stuff. They're saying they messed up the first time with the Goldbloom family, and nobody should remember Howard Goldbloom and the two-million-dollars the Goldbloom family donated to the Torah covers. A bookcase is all I can afford. That's a pathetic thing to donate. Even the tablecloth is more than the bookcase. You donate a bookcase, that's the kind of thing you don't put your name on. You put your name on a building. Maybe an ark. It's Gd's ark, but you put your name on it when you have the money. As the rabbi taught in his sermon, money is pure. If you give enough money, it's your ark. The board will replaque and redonate it. If you give enough money, the Torah is yours too. Given by Moshe. But in our shul it's given by Yankel Simchovitz. The shul is even having people donate programs. Donate youth groups. Donate a baseball game. Donate something that has nothing to do with Judaism. They found a way to put on plaque on youth groups. Brilliance. And we have no youth. Some say we have youth. We have children. Youth are kids that care about their Judaism. Samantha's hat is huge. Very true. You can fit a plaque on it. It might even be bigger than the bookcase. I should donate the hat. And the Dinner of Fun is $280. I am going to go to Playhouse Funhouse for $15. The rabbi banned handkerchiefs. He said they are Tamei, due to the disgusting amounts of sneezing in the shul. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Shemini4/27/2025
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The Finkelstein family will not be at shul this week. They are still in the middle of their Seder. We take back our Mazel Tov to the Tzimkin family on their daughter’s wedding. They did not sponsor Kiddish. We want to thank Golda for starting the Girl Scout chapter. The only Girl Scout chapter to sell Mehadrin cookies, with Leiber’s peanut butter. Now we need a Boy Scout chapter to shut up the boys. It turns out kids in our shul do not behave unless if they get a badge for it. We want to welcome everybody back from Pesach, who didn’t care if the shul had a Minyin. Please let the rabbi know if anybody was able to find a whole piece of Shmurah Matzah. He is looking for something to give him hope. To quote: "There must be somebody who found a box with a not broken piece of Matzah." Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Not Stop Talking- Seder with the Finkelstein’s or Sitting with Mark in Shul. Not Sponsoring Kiddish, Uncle Morty and Other Ways to Kill a Simcha for a Community. How to Ruin the Greatest Cookie with Lieber’s. What to Do When Your Shul's Minyin is In Orlando. How to Join Matzah You Purchased for Eighty-Five-Dollars to Get a Whole Piece You Can Use. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Vayikra 10:13) After the death of Nadav and Avihu, Moshe tells Aharon and his surviving sons, “And you must eat them in a holy place. For they are your portion and your sons’ portion from Gd’s fire offering. Because I have commanded this.” We might be a holy shul if we didn’t have a board... Fools. You still can't eat in shul. The fact that Norman has a bowl of choolent with him for Torah reading... Now he's eating Kichel in the middle of the sermon... The word for portion is Chok. Chok is the same word used for decrees. Decrees we must do, even though we may not understand them. And I don't understand why I have to deal with Norman eating Kichel right now... Rashi comments that this command is even though they are Onens, they still eat the sacrifices. Even though their relatives died today... Rashi can comment. You commenting makes no sense. Nobody understands. It’s hard to jump into things when you lose a loved one... I am not suggesting you don’t show to the funeral. That was wrong. It was your parent’s funeral... We are focused here on the commandment. On a higher meaning that we may not know. Hence a Chok. Even if it's hard. It's their portion. When it comes to service of H’ our feelings may be secondary... Why, Bernie? Because your feelings are not justifiable. You were hurt that you didn’t get the Kohen Aliyah... You’re not a Kohen, Bernie... When it comes to holiness, as Aharon and his sons are. Not like this congregation who never goes to the Mikvah... There is no way you go to the Mikvah. That thing is too clean. You can see the pool tile, no residue, and it shines. We may not fully grasp the spiritual command... We don’t know the holiness of this world. With the Karbanot, the sacrifices, we bring the physical to a state of spiritual... You wouldn’t know, because animal sacrifice is illegal in America... I’m not suggesting to sacrifice animals. You can slaughter them and eat them... Well. I can’t explain everything. I truly do not know the difference between animal sacrifice and enjoying a decent steak at Le Marais. I do know that we see the physical... Well. Aharon may not understand why he has to focus on his portion after his sons died! They're dead!!! Maybe he has feelings, Simcha?! Maybe he should be mourning them!!! Showing Kavod to their lives!!! They're dead!!! And we don’t see the full plan of H’. The holiness. This is why H’ tells Aharon to not mourn. To eat of the Karabnot... Sacrifices. Karbanot are sacrifices. This is why you can’t do animal sacrifice. Bernie. You don’t understand Hebrew. This is why you’re not a Kohen... And this is why it has to be a Chok. Because we can’t understand the true spiritual correctness... It's their portion. But it's the same Chet and Koof. Maybe it doesn't mean decree. Even so... And I don’t understand a thing you do in this shul. How long does a Seder take? It says “The time for Kriyat SHema has come.” That means stop talking... In shul too. Stop talking. You wouldn't understand this in the back left. Yapping away. That's why it's a decree... There are commandments. There is commentary. And then there's the Finkelstein kids reading their notes from school... If your kids had good reading skills your Seder would’ve been over by midnight... You don’t even understand the Seder. You have no idea what you’re saying. A good Chok is for you to not talk... I would understand if you sponsored Kiddish every once in a while. Maybe a Chok to give a little to the shul. With the amount of Kichel you eat. Maybe to give something to our congregation. Your daughter gets married. Maybe that’s a time to sponsor a Kiddish... For you that's a Chok. For everybody else, who donates every once in a while, it makes sense... Girl Scouts is amazing. The girls are great. Dressed Tzanuah. Like Beis Yaakov. It's amazing how you were able to throw a sash over the Beis Yaakov outfit and save on the Girl Scout uniform... Works with Bnei Akiva too. Exactly... They have on the uniform and they're well behaved. We need a Boy Scout chapter to shut up the boys in shul. Maybe to teach some manners and safety... The boys in junior congregation wouldn’t even know how to do a sacrifice without burning themselves... Welcome back everybody from Pesach. Leaving our shul for Pesach is not a Chok. It's just something I would have liked to do... To get away from you... No. I don't understand how Shmurah Matzah is that expensive. And broken?! I am still looking for a piece of Shmurah Matzah that came not broke... It was an eighty-five-dollar box. We found the Afikomen. Could not find a nonbroken piece of Matzah. Do they toss it before they send it out?! I would understand if I paid eighty-five-dollars and got whole Matzahs... Even eighty-five-dollars does not make sense. And how did the super thin Matzah come with the exact number of pieces as the thick Matzah? Were they weighing the box... I do not understand. And it's not a Chok... The life of Matzah. It comes. It goes. We don't fully understand it. But we do not mourn it... Gd commanded whole pieces of Matzah. And the only one who gets it is Shloimi. I personally want to thank Shloimi for the Chazaras Hashas head nod. Excellent timing. You have it down. The Chazin looks to you and knows when to go. We are looking to you to be our next Gabai. You have the "time for repetition" nod down. There are Choks. You do Chazars HaShas as soon and as fast as possible. The cantor gets a head nod from Shloimi, you go... The rest of you are spaced out. Wondering why nobody has started yet. Wondering why you've been waiting ten minutes... When Shloimi is not in shul, you're lost. You once waited from Shacharit till Mincha for Chazaras HaShas, because Shloimi wasn't there... I can't explain why they didn't mourn. Cursing your dad at his funeral was probably not right. There is no Chok to wish the worst for the dead and get mad that you didn't go to Disney Land as a child. Point is you should mourn. That was their portion... Samantha. Spiritual correctness is more important than political correctness... That’s the Chok we must live by... Rivka's Rundown What beautiful words about Aharon and his sons. Now. To connect better spiritually, people stopped mourning, and they started cursing their family members with death. "We see the physical." That teaching truly spoke to me. That was my takeaway. That and the spiritual is not always seen. I am now left with a lot of questions about the spiritual. But at least I am one with the physical. Samantha was stuck on spiritual correctness. She was trying to figure out what spiritual correctness had to do with not using the term mentally disabled. She then said handicapable is spiritual. I told her that handicapable is spiritually offensive, as it sounds like you're mocking disabled people. She also said that spiritual correctness meant minorities should get a better education and people should be called by how they identify. Since the sermon, Shloimi has stopped head nodding. He doesn't want to be Gabai. He claimed it is too violent, as the last Gabai got beat up for calling up the wrong person to the Torah, when Zack wanted the Aliyah. Zack met the Gabai outside of shul and threatened the Gabai with not giving a donation. Pesach is over, the Seder is over, and congregants are still sharing thoughts. Is there any day on our calendar where people don’t share thoughts? Tisha BAv in a community where people do a Taanit Dibur, a fast of speech. Even there, they're sharing thoughts with their looks. The Tizimkins will never sponsor anything. They didn’t even sponsor their oldest when she was selling World’s Finest Chocolate. They refused to let their kids join Girl Scouts because of the cookies. They were worried they would have to buy some, when Pepperidge Farm had a deal on peanut butter filled chocolate cookies. Girl Scouts in our shul. It’s one of the few Frum Girl Scout chapters. They do what they can to keep it religious. We don't call the second and third graders Brownies. They are known as Babkas. And the Babkas are doing great. We give them pins and badges. They get badges for showing up to shul. For helping setup for Kiddish. For babysitting. The goal is to get the girls to do stuff without having to pay them. One girl received five badges for telling a woman to stop talking in the women’s section. The rabbi is happy to see the members right when they get back from being away for two weeks. He has a short-term memory when it comes to members. After a couple of days he remembers they’re congregants. He also remembers that some of them are on the board. How they ship the Shmurah Matzah and still sell it for eighty-five-dollars a box. They should have a truck with shocks on it if they’re shipping Matzah. I even think the delivery guy threw the box. A Frum delivery guy. Didn't get out of the truck. Just threw the boxes like he was delivering newspapers. Next year I heard they’re selling Matzah that comes in whole pieces for three-hundred-dollars. Tags:
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Announcements
We ask that you don’t share your thoughts at your Seder. For the sake of communal enjoyment and us having a Minyin in the morning, get to the part of the Seder people like and eat. Before sharing your philosophy on parenting, please make sure your kids are in junior congregation. Not running the halls. Yelling at your children is also a parenting method we at the shul appreciate. We want to acknowledge all of those who stayed for Pesach and don’t have enough money to go to a hotel. We collected Kimcha DPischa (flour for Pesach for the pour people as you are not doing well at work) for you and your family to be able to afford a motel for Chol Hamoed. No Jew should have to spend Pesach at their house. To think of such Tzaris. Shabbat morning, you must eat Chametz before the fourth hour of the day. It’s a Halachik hour, Sha'ah Zmanit, which means anywhere from five minutes to three and a half hours. For any questions, go to the rabbi. Somebody else put out a Haggadah. There’s another one out there. Contemorary Halacha Class: How to Ruin Your Seder By Sharing Your Thoughts. Shaot Zmanion And Other Things You Don't Show Up on Time For. How to Ruin the Rabbi’s Week by Telling Congregants to Ask Him Questions. How To Put Out Your Own Haggadah Because You Also Had a Thought. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... No. This is the Shabbat HaGadol Drasha. It’s on the Parsha... We’re doing it on the Parsha, because the Parsha is meaningful. Every time somebody expects me to go off on something that has nothing to do with Shabbis... The Torah's not a good enough source? You need numbers next to paragraphs?!... Here are sources. Now does that work?! (Vayikra 7:15) The Todah, thanksgiving, peace offering “must be eaten on the day of its offering. He shall not let it sit until morning...” Because things spoil, Bernie. Have you ever had the sisterhood’s salad?... Who makes lettuce salad on Friday night for Saturday???! Well let's talk about appreciation. And I would appreciate a decent salad. If you let coleslaw sit overnight, that would be appreciated... Unlike a regular peace offering, which has a two-day window to eat them, the Karban Todah must be eaten that night. Why is this? The Imrei Emes teaches that it’s brought because somebody recognizes a miracle... A miracle would be if Bernie stopped talking during the Drashas... However, miracles are constantly happening to us. We are just not always aware. Thus, the Todah must be eaten for one day. Tomorrow there will be more miracles to thank H’ for... I don't know if there are any miracles to thank H' for in this shul. Other than most of the congregants not being here for Pesach. That's a miracle. Until the end of Pesach there are miracles. Until they come back... It’s hard to see miracles when congregants are cleaning for Pesach and asking you questions about cleaning... I’m a rabbi. Susan. I'm not a cleaning service. The fact that you’re asking me which oven cleaner to use... It’s a miracle I kept this job. And I will not be offering thanks to the board... Have you ever seen a rabbi clean, Susan? Exactly. People don’t bring more Todahs because they're cheap. When was the last time you gave a donation? You should be giving Todahs all day... Yes. My source is Artscroll. That is the rabbinic source for the Imrei Emes... So, he was the fourth Ger Rebbe. Artscroll didn’t mention that. It’s his teaching. And I’m thankful for that. Asides from messing up cooking, are you thankful for miracles?... The fact that I make it through shul with you is a miracle. I am appreciative... Don’t share your thoughts on the four sons. This way people will be appreciative at the Seder... Maybe raise your children right. How about raising your kids. Give that a little effort... Your pedagogy on how to not be at your child’s soccer game. Is that what your... How about talking about the four parents in our community that don’t help with carpools... Well they're the ones sharing their thoughts on the four sons. We need you at Minyin. Maybe talk less at the Seder and show up to Minyin. How about the four sons who came to Minyin?! For some reason that's not in the Haggadah... Because it doesn't happen, Shlomo. You cannot say you are raising your kids... They are running in the hall right now. You guys are like the unthankful son. The unappreciative son. Why that one isn’t mentioned. The congregant son... Now it’s too late to clean. Pesach starts right after Shabbis. You have three minutes to eat Chametz... Is everybody back. Those who stay in their homes have to clean. Should’ve cleaned... It's good to be speaking to the five of you that stayed. That couldn't afford the hotel. Be thankful we have shul for you. That’s a miracle. It’s a miracle that you guys are broke enough to not go to a hotel. Be thankful that you have never sponsored a Kiddish... Be thankful that we don't have Shmurah Matzah to sell to you... You wouldn't be able to afford it. If you can't afford a hotel, you can't afford Shmurah Matzah. How about the son that doesn't clean?!... Pesach cleaning is not a reason for a divorce... It’s a miracle that every rabbi can put out a Haggadah. And there are still new ones every year. A miracle... I am thankful that I have another Haggadah. This one had pictures too... Please don’t put out a Haggadah... The rabbis that put out Haggadahs know Torah. You had a thought in the middle of the Seder when you read about the rabbis that went to Pardes for the first time... If you eat the Karban after its intended day, it has to be burned. It’s Pigul. Rejected (Vayikra 7:18)... There are wrong times to eat. For Mark it’s when he’s around other people... You’re disgusting... (Vayikra 7:19-21) There are others that can’t eat. If you’re Tamei... People in this shul should not eat holy stuff. You're all impure. Full of impurity of the mind. Just be thankful I let you come to shul. With all your sins, it's a miracle you don't combust when you walk into shul. If we would've rejected some of the congregants from membership... Be thankful the shul didn’t reject your membership. That’s a Shabbat HaGadol Drasha. Say "thank you" every once in a while. And don't wait three days to say it... Why is he eating right now? Mark! Mark! It is hard for me to see Gd's hand right now. This job... There wouldn't be Kiddish leftovers if the salad was decent, Susan. Rivka's Rundown Lettuce does go bad. If they made the salad with cabbage, it would last longer. Sometimes the rabbi does speak important truths that bring community together. They wanted to fire the rabbi. The Gabai was mad, asking everybody, “That’s a Shabbat HaGadol Drasha?! Who gives a Drasha on a Parsha?” After the argument about whether you can do a Shabbat HaGadol Drasha on the Parsha that is Shabbat HaGadol, the rabbi handed out a bunch of sources to make it an official Shabbat HaGadol Drasha. Nothing to do with the his sermon. The rabbi called the congregants "they." "They" is always bad. Nobody likes "them." I can't go to Seders in our community. Everybody thinks they have so much to share at the Seder. Always turn into a philosopher about why we left Mitzrayim. What it's about. I like to think that if they learned Shemot, they would not be adding much. Maybe they would look at Rashi and say, "Oh. That's what leaving was all about." Instead, I have to hear about the fifty sons which correspond to the fifty plagues at the sea, whatever thought hit Mark after he pregramed the Seder. I like how the board and the rabbi told the parents they are bad parents. It's the first time I have seen full agreement. It would be nice if they ever helped with car pools. If it wasn’t for Maureen, their kids would be hitchhiking back from the JCC soccer camp. Michael still has no idea what Pardes is. But it is not stopping him from putting out a Haggadah. Big mistake telling everybody they have three minutes to eat CHametz. That's a good way to kill the flow of a sermon. They all ran. The rabbi made it clear to the board, after they announced that people should go to the rabbi with questions last week, that he will go on strike and answer nothing. The rabbi's sermon last week, where he said people have to clean, had the congregants in a frenzy. Most got scared and ran to hotels. Some went to hotels with no Kosher for Pesach food. They said they'll be fine eating Matzah and Temp Tee if that means cleaning is not involved. The fact the shul can reject membership is the dumbest thing. If somebody is paying dues, that’s what they want. They need money. Take money from anybody and hope they don't show up. That's what the board should want. That's what the rabbi wants. And if people do come to shul, let them in. Nobody is going to try to hurt Jews more than them having to listen to Yankel lead Shacharit. Nothing is more painful than hearing that guy. Why he had to lead?! I'm shocked members don't learn how to lead services just to get Yankel off the Bima. They rejected Merv's son and daughter from membership. The board said it was because they haven't seen them in a while. Didn't even let them come in for the Shabbat HaGadol Drasha due to safety policies about only allowing members to the shul. This whole new safety policy of not allowing people in bothered the Filberg family with their daughter's Bat Mitzavh last week, as her grandparents visiting from Florida weren't allowed into the shul. Her whole family was peeking through the window when she gave her Dvar Torah. Her cousin broke a window trying to hit her with candy. No warning. Just, "We don't allow Jews into our shul due to safety." Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke IV: VaYikra4/6/2025
Announcements
Mark has turned into a question asker. Now we have another congregant asking questions at every speech. It’s now taking an extra forty minutes to get out of shul. Members have complained about Mark asking questions, in speech form. A petition has been signed. Mark, the other members don't like you. Please stop asking questions. Thank Gd Mr. Minkstein died. He should be Schepping Nachis up in Shamaim, knowing he raised a son who Davens fast. Leading prayers like an angel, very quickly. Thanks to Mr. Minkstein A”H’s son, we’re getting out of Davening ten minutes early. The Felsenblooms are the only Frum family in the community. Hence, they have a lot of kids and a very big van. If anybody is willing to volunteer to help them clean out their van for Pesach, they appreciate that. Matzah is now only eighty dollars a pound. Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Ask a Question and To Get Other People to Hate You. How to Earn People’s Love By Davening Fast. Who to Ask to Not Get Help, with Our Members. The Mitzvah of Going Broke on Matzah. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Shemot 2:13) “...Every meal offering needs salt.” And now, the sisterhood has decided that it’s not good to put salt in the soup. They leave it on the side and let people do it themselves. "Distribute their own salt," they say. And we all know something is wrong... H’ insists on salt in His food for a reason... It’s bland Kathy. I don't care how much cumin you put in. It's bland. Gd did not command cumin... (Chapter 3) In the Perek we speak of Peace offerings. A voluntary offering to show love of Gd. Appreciation of Gd’s goodness... I don’t know if peace offerings have salt. I know you clean them though. You take out the innards.... There are rules for the offerings. You clean them up. Then you put them on the altar... Nobody needs innards. Bernie. You’re the only one that eats innards. You were the only one that wanted more Meurav Yerushalmi on the shul trip... Meurav Yeshalmi has salt Kathy... Why no birds for Karban Shelamims, peace offerings? Rashi quoting Sifra says that it is called a Shelamim, because it can bring peace to the world. It has to have a portion for the altar, for the Kohen and for the owner. It has to satisfy everybody. The tiny unsalted birds you serve at Kiddish bring no peace. It actually has people fighting for food... Who serves Cornish hens? Unsalted Cornish hens. You have to take everybody into account. When it comes to peace, when it comes to wholeness, Sheleymut, you take everybody into account. And that means you don't ask questions when the speech is over, Mark... People want to get out of shul. Getting out of shul and eating brisket brings peace to a community... So, you are a question asker now... I saw you at the community Israel event last week. The speaker spoke, and then you decided you wanted them to speak longer... It was about Israel. We all knew that. The people that were there love Israel. They wanted to say they love Israel and leave... Nobody wanted to hear the speaker. And they didn't want to hear your question, Mark. They wanted to hear, "Israel is great. We love it. People hate us." That would've been the most beloved speech by the editor of the Jerusalem Post. People would've applauded. It would've been the best 20k the Federation has ever spent. It would've brought community together... We have to stop question askers. It's painful... Nobody wants these guest speakers to last longer. It doesn’t bring peace when you ask questions. It brings antisemitism. I like you Mark. The congregants don't... I like you more than Bernie. I think it's just that you're new to asking questions. We can't have new people involved in keeping speeches longer... And they don't like your speeches. All questions at speeches are speeches. I have never heard a question mark at the end of any of our congregants' questions... Fran can ask her questions in speech form about how great her grandkids are. She's been doing it for years. It's tradition... People go to Jewish events to get out. People come to shul to get out. People like a quick Davening... This isn't a concert. People want to be at concerts... Nobody wants to be at shul. It's tradition. People can come back to weekday Davening. Mr. Minkstein raised great children who lead Davening real fast... All the other Apikorsim in our shul, your parents should live well past a hundred and twenty. Or at least till I get out of this place... We suffered for a good eleven months after Mrs. Feigelbloom passed away. Raising a son who focuses on each word for a good two minutes... Either that, or you don’t know how to read Hebrew Simone. Nobody else stutters and calls it Kavanah. Your mother dying was the saddest day in our community, Simone... Because you were leading Davening... You see Mark. Everybody loves the Minksteins... Nobody wants you to lose your parents Mark. That's how much they don't like you. It would be good for nobody. The Minksteins lead Davening like a beautiful Karban Shelamim, peace offering. Out of services in no time. Everybody's happy their father passed away, and there is no sisterhood messing up their breakfast... Felsenbloom. You have a lot of kids. And we know kids don’t help. We see them at shul. We see how unhelpful kids are. Anybody who is willing to help the Felsenblooms clean for Pesach, it’s a Mitzvah. It's Chesed... The Felsenblooms took into account everybody when they bought their car. They took into account their whole family. Shalem. The whole... They’re not attaching kids to the hood. We ask for donations of peace to the shul. To help fix all the issues the sisterhood caused... The shul does not have money. We had to use it all on Matzah for the community Seder... You can also donate to my Mishpuchi. We need donations for Matzah. We need whole Matzahs. Eighty dollars and the box came with Shevarim. Broken Matzah pieces. No peace.... We should have peace and thanks to H’. Not to the sisterhood. You have to take everybody into account Kathy. And everybody likes salt... So, some people can’t eat it because of heart condition. But they like it... This Pesach, take your guests into account, and move the Seder along. Nobody needs to hear your thoughts on the four sons... Now they're adding four daughters?! Rivka's Rundown The rabbi asked for a donation to himself. It was a bold move. But with the cost of Matzah, he needed it. The people in our shul have to do a better job on food. If they followed the Mishkan’s recipes, all would be good. Sarah Rivkah put out a Mishkan Recipe book after the rabbi’s sermon. She called it The Cookbook of Tabernacles. In the introduction, it says that anybody who uses any of the recipes will be burned at the stake, or stoned. Knowing how much tastier the food in the Tabernacle was than the sisterhood Kiddishes, most of the congregants wrote in their books that they would rather be stoned. The rabbi focused on asking questions to the guest speakers. Not his sermons. He gets questions all the time, but he knows he can't stop them. He's given up. His sermons go long, and there are a lot of questions, but he doesn't care if the congregants hate him. Mark is now asking questions to the speakers. It's his newfound voice on behalf of the Jewish people, who are the ones at the speeches. He feels like he’s now an activist, asking speakers who agree with him, why they agree with him. He lost all of his friends. People don't sit next to him, afraid that others will think they're encouraging him to lengthen speeches with questions that add nothing. The rabbi is right. The community would be so happy if the speakers came in from Israel and said, "We love you. People hate us. Israel is great." That would be the greatest speech of all time. Everybody is so happy Mr. Minkstein died. I feel bad, but I am also happy. Loved the man, but his kids get us out of services real fast. The rabbi had mixed feelings, as Henry Minkstein is the only member the rabbi liked. The rabbi telling the other congregants their parents should live was a putdown. Feigelbloom and Felsenbloom. Very confusing. Everybody likes Felsenbloom. One time, Felsenbloom lost a contract for selling his heaters because they thought he said Feigelbloom, and leads Davening real slow. I like the Felsenblooms family. I just don't know when Chesed, acts of kindness, turned into doing stuff for people who are too cheap to get a cleaning service or babysitter. My niece does Chesed in Israel. It's babysitting in a Chareidi neighborhood, where they don't pay her. They do have a huge van. It's going to be hard to clean that thing. First time I saw the van, I thought it was a camp trip coming to our community. I saw all the kids getting out. I didn’t know if it was a family or a summer camp. Maybe a trip day to shul. To see how congregants can ruin a rabbi's life. I can’t afford Matzah anymore either. I am going to focus on only eating brisket this Pesach. Hopefully that's a Mitzvah. The Matzah is too expensive. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke IV: Pikudei3/30/2025
Announcements
We apologize for the baseball outing. It was spring training and the board didn’t think the Florida trip was a problem. Next year, we’ll plan the shul baseball outing within 500 miles of your homes and during the baseball season. The PTA isn’t part of the shul. We want to make it clear. Parents ruin the shul. Everyone thinks they have something to say. Do not use your connection to the PTA to bother the rabbi. The shul doesn’t take responsibility for educating children. They will end up like Bernie. We’ve had many complaints about the Sefardi Chazan. We ask Amisar to bring down the high-pitch a bit. We respect the beautiful tradition. Ashkenazim have sensitive ears. We want to welcome Amisar’s family to the shul. We didn't notice you over Amisar's high-pitch. Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Spend 2k to Sit in the Stands and Get a Tan at a Baseball Game. How to Ruin Your Child’s Education with Congregants. Sefardic Roots and The Ability to Sit in Shul and Enjoy It. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Shemot 39:33) “They brought the Mishkan to Moshe...” They didn’t make him walk out of his way, like when you need the rabbi to Kasher you home for Pesach... You bring the vessels to the shul. I don't run a ladle pickup service. They came to Moshe. You bring stuff to your rabbi. (Shemot 39:33-42) They brought him all the stuff they made. All the gold and copper vessels. The clothes for Aharon and his children to serve with. They didn't bring Moshe problems. They didn't bring Moshe a divorce... They didn't bring Moshe the vessels and a question about whether they can use them on Pesach... The ides is not to make your rabbi's job harder... The idea is also to not use stucco on the inside of a building. The worst idea. You use stucco on the outside. You worked and made the shul worse... That is why I don't always encourage your projects. Because they are useless. If you brought copper to the shul, your rabbi would be happy with you... (Shemot 39:43) “And Moshe saw all the work, and they did it as H’ commanded, that’s how they did it. And Moshe blessed them.” You’ve done no work. You have not helped at all... Max. You quit your job yesterday and told your boss he should go to... You cursed your boss, Max. Do something... Divorce is not the focus of blessing... Even if you're working on it. We’re trying to get rid of members. We’re not trying to break up families at Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah... Well. Let's talk about work. Let's talk about what you should donate to the shul. Did H’ command you to make a pottery ashtray? No. Therefor it doesn’t get a blessing. You get blessed when you do stuff H’ commanded you... What have you done that is good?... H' did not command you to setup a baseball game trip to Florida. Especially when you could've donated that money to shul. I would have blessed you if you donated that money... Why the baseball game? It’s March. You schedule nothing right... It was spring training. That’s down in Florida. You even misscheduled Pesach... I saw the calendar. It’s two days off. You even made that wrong. How do you misschedule Pesach? You don't donate money to any organization, and you don't get a calendar... You give money to organizations, you get a calendar before the year, and you get blessed with knowing when Jewish stuff takes place... Betting on March Madness is not work... You brought me your betting brackets. I don't think Moshe would've blessed that. I don't care about Danny Woolf... Wait. A Jew... Did H’ command you to schedule a trip to Florida for a spring training baseball game? Hence. Not blessed. And I'm fine telling your children that your ideas are not blessed... Why are your kids at the sermon. This isn’t a family friendly sermon. This is real stuff. This isn't matinee... This is not a matter for the PTA. The PTA breaks up families. Not a blessing. You mess up enough at the school. Thanks to the PTA, children don't get soda anymore for lunch. And now kids don't even want to go to school... If the PTA focused on lice, we wouldn't have problems at Kiddish. The herring would be OK to eat. We would all be able to make Brachas... What's a blessing?! Not the PTA. Because the PTA doesn't work. The PTA is a bunch of parents who are not at work... You can't meet at 2pm and call that work... H’ didn’t command children to be in the sermon. If the PTA cared to raise kids as Gd commanded... If you taught the kids as Gd commanded, it would be a blessing. And they would have soda machines. Maybe even SodaStream. Support Israel a little blessing... Did H' command you to fire the best teacher, because you have to do something as the PTA? Hence. Not blessed... I am sorry. I can’t hear you. My ears are still ringing from Shacharit. The high-pitch thing is not usually done in Ashkenazi shuls... H' did not command that high of a pitch when singing and leading... No. I appreciate the Amens. I also appreciate the Davening. It just hurts my ears... I would've said Amen to your blessings if my ears weren't ringing... Why didn’t you welcome Amisar’s family last week? Well. We want to welcome you and your family. Hopefully, you work. It would be nice to have a congregant that helps a bit... Do what H’ commands and I can bless you. Kind of hard when you have congregants... I pray you will all do something good, like Amisar. I love the guy Amisar says Amen. We are commanded to say Amen. Amisar is blessed. Even if you are not helpful as a professional, and you are part of the PTA. H’ asks you to do Mitzvot. Do Mitzvot. Let Mitzvot be your work... You don’t have to be a craftsman to do Mitzvot. Ashkenazim can do Mitzvot. You don’t have to be a weaver to put on a Tallis. You don’t have to be a community organizer to show up to Minyin... Then why am I the only one?... No blessings for you. H' tells you to clean your home for Pesach. So please stop coming to me with questions. Clean... I understand that's work. Clean and you will be blessed. Rashi teaches that Moshe blessed them, “May it be H’s will that the Shechina rest upon your handiwork... May the pleasantness of H’ our Gd be upon us and our handiwork may He establish. (Tehillim 90:17 which Mosher wrote)." There is nothing pleasant about spending 2k to fly down to Florida for spring training. Especially when the PTA is complaining about tuition. And shul doesn't even have tuition... It’s hard to bless when there is no handiwork. No craftsmanship even in your house. Not one piece of crown molding… There is no Shechina in the PTA. Hence, no Bracha... Amen. Exactly. Thank you Amisar... Your handiwork is what brings upon blessing. But not when our congregants are doing the work. If Moshe had to go out of his way to see what you guys do for the shul, if he saw how Max just gave up in the middle of schnitzel, he wouldn’t have blessed you. He might have given up... One side breaded schnitzel... He would've seen no pleasantness. Probably wouldn't have hit a rock. Might have hit a congregant... Amen to Amisar. A congregant who came to Topeka to work. Somebody that understands that stucco belongs on the outside of a building... I will see you all for Kashering of your vessels this week. Rivka's Rundown The rabbi ended by not blessing the congregants. Unique in his approach. Love it. I think the rabbi made his point very well. The congregants should work. But they should not expect blessing for their work, as it is useless. Our congregation has messed up ideas of work. And then they have no idea what "donate" means. They think it's pasta before Pesach. You donate pasta boxes before Pesach. They think cleaning is donating pasta boxes. We are truly not a handi-congregation. I don’t think the rabbi wants to see our handiwork. That would be a curse. It will come out worse than the stucco that fell. It wasn’t impasto at first. Then, Maxine thought it would be a good idea to do the whole shul like that. That was a mistake. It’s good H’ didn’t ask us to decorate the Tabernacle in self-portraits of raised texturized paint. Finally, somebody went off on the PTA. They fired Ms. Sandor. A great teacher, teaching home economics. The parents were mad that their kids were saying that they shouldn't waste money on trips to Florida. PTA got her fired. The PTA has been showing up everywhere. They even complained that Marshall’s didn’t have a good enough holiday sale. This is why we have an office secretary. To keep the board away from scheduling. Now I know why they have to do the whole service out loud in Sefardi Minyins. With the high-pitch Chazin thing, you can’t concentrate. You have to let them do it for you. People came to the class given by Amisar on how to enjoy shul. Not one Ashkenazi connected. Amisar has a beautiful family. Great kids. They clean up after themselves. They are kind. They share. The PTA has already been complaining about this behavior to the Amisar and his wife. Tags:
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Iran’s IRGC is now the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corpse. You get it? Was a Corps. Now it’s a Corpse. We added the “e.” Bringing you a feel-good pun. 
Guy slips at work. Since Sakanat Nifashot is very important, they put up a stick figure, mocking his fall. Would be funnier with a hard hat flying off too. I think he whacked his head on the metal stairs. Boy. That would’ve been funny if the stick figure smashed their head like Mike Tinsker.
Click on the picture for tickets to share laughs with David Kilimnick in Jerusalem on Thursday, February 12th
Everybody must fight in a Milchemet Mitzvah. (Rambam Hilchot Melachim 5:2) A war to protect Israel from enemies “you force the nation to go out.” Rambam left out the part, “Unless if you’re Charedi.” I said it.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
9/21/2025
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