Cantor Techniques for the High Holidays: Education with Rabbi David

by Rabbi David

He's got the job next year... The arm spread is a little extra. Not necessary. It might help with the reach of his voice. Not sure.

The High Holidays are here and it's your time to shine as the Chazin. Known as the cantor, we are going to call you the Chazin. If you don't know what a Chazin is, you don't know what a cantor is.
Before we get started, don't be discouraged. You don’t need a good voice to be a Chazin. That has been proven by who my shul chooses to lead services every week. Nonetheless, a good voice can put you in the one-percenters of Chazins that people like.
No matter your abilities, you want to lead Yom Kippur services and look good. Here are some techniques you must employ.

The One Note Technique
Get all the words into one note. When they wrote the Tefillahs, they didn't have tunes. Hence, it is your job to pick a tune that was not meant for the repetition of the Amidah.
The Levites weren't singing the melodies from the early two-thousands in the Temple. The rabbis didn't have the tune of vZakayni in mind when they wrote Naartizcha 1500 years ago.
You've got to get every word of Kedusha into that note. Though incompatible, it must fit in that semibreve. Not easy, but a seasoned Chazin can do it.
It takes much practice to master this. It's preferable to first work on a twenty second Shofar blast. Once you have that down, you might be able to do Kedusha correctly with the note from vZakayni.

The Long Note Hold
Hold a note for real long. Don't stop. Do not end the word. Keep it going. If you pass out, the congregation will be on their feet, applauding.
This technique should be used at the end of every prayer. Hence, adding to the length of the service itself. That will get you the money. Nobody is paying ten thousand dollars to a Chazin who's finishing the services in three hours. 

The Tune that Doesn't Fit
I reiterate. Very important to never give up on a tune. Especially when the tune doesn't work with the words. 
You pick your tune and commit to it. If you truly want it, vChol Maaminim will work.

The Throat Clear
You clear the throat, they know it's real.
Chuch that. Get out a decent sized phlegm wad. A Chazin has to let the congregants know he's about to start. A huge bit of mucus will have them ready for Kol Nidrei. When they hear that Chuch with the wad, they'll know a real Chazin is about to start.

The Tune Everybody Knows
They will all get into it. Know this in advance. Before making the decision to sing a song they know, understand that you will have to listen to them. They all think they're the Chazin when they know the tune. They will pay six-hundred for the seat, just to drown you out.
They all think they have a good voice. When you're singing in a group, all the badness unifies into one. And thus we have what is known as congregations.
If you're up for a lot of off tune harmonizing, this is the time to pull the song everybody knows.
Second Warning: Only do this if you can handle it. I've seen Chazins give up right in the middle of the Torah ceremony. They started singing, the Cantor turned around and said, "I can't handle this. I have no idea what you are all doing on the left side of the shul. I thought we were supposed to be singing 'Etz Chayim Hi.' I'm out of here. I'm going somewhere where the congregants don't know the songs."

Davening Extension
Extend everything. The longer Davening goes, the holier the prayers are. Everybody knows this. And you get more pay.
The extended Amidah is quite important as well. Do not let the rabbi beat you. Wait till the rabbi finishes, then take your three steps back. The Shema prayer. Go longer. And if the rabbi jump dances, you jump higher.
NayNayNays work great for this. You can extend any prayer with a NayNayNay. You can get an extra couple hours out of Musaf with the employment of the NayNayNay Method.
Note: The congregants will complain about the longer Davening. That is OK. This is what they're bringing you in for. They want something to complain about. 

The Kvetch
Cry as much as you can in your Davening. The people connect to that. They also have to be in shul for fifteen hours on Yom Kippur.
Cry when talking to people. They tell you how their kids are doing, cry and sing "Sunrise Sunset." Your job is to cry. You cry, you have job stability. You're the High Holidays Chazin.
They pay you to cry for them. The congregants feel like they have a place in Olam Haba, the world to come, if their Chazin is crying.

Wear a Huge Gown
They like that. Huge gown and huge top hat. That's how you become famous. As Sadie Sarah Leah said last year, "I'm sure he had a good voice. His clothes were fifteen size too big on him."

The Eye Close
That looks like you're connecting to Gd.
You close your eyes, it's spiritual, especially when you don't do anything. Just space out for a few minutes, and the congregants will understand that their Chazin is connecting to Gd. It also adds to the prayer length. Remember, anything that adds prayer length is good.
Nobody asks questions of whether or not a Chazin is holy when he's sleeping on the job.

Dramatic Pause Technique
Quiet people. Anytime you make people feel like they did something wrong, you have power over them. And Chazin needs power.
You quiet people with silence. Your stop will make everybody uncomfortable, having them question if they truly were the reason for the Al Chets, the "about these sins" prayer. This technique just looks good.
I would suggest a shush every once in a while. You want there to be a shush. Note, it's best if somebody else shushes for you. True leaders have other people doing their shushes.

The Kermit the Frog
You want to sound like the Kermit the Frog if he resonated real well.

You don't need a good voice to be the Chazin. You need techniques. So, practice the above. Get down your Kvetching, songs that don't fit the words, and a huge top hat that doesn't fit, and you will have gigs. 
It's all in the singing. This isn't a dance performance. You don't need to do the arm stretch. You're the Chazin. That takes enough energy. You don't need an arm workout. You're not ensuring the sea remains split. Don't overlook the singing. No matter how bad your voice, you sing it. If you have enough confidence in your inabilities, somebody will love it.
And remember. Don't let the rabbi outdo you. If that means giving a sermon in the middle of your repetition of the silent prayer, then do it. 
That should get you a gig.