Can't Chanukah Shop in America: Christmas Has Taken Over the Malls

by David Kilimnick

The mall, ensuring that they allow the Jewish children to enjoy the full Chanukah experience.

Do not go to the mall for your Chanukah experience. ​I was walking through the mall, got home, and I found myself humming songs about mistletoe. And that was in August. That seems to be when they start celebrating Christmas. 
I was shopping for Chanukah. Not fun when you have to buy stuff for family. And I realized I can't enjoy shopping for Chanukah in the malls of Upstate New York. There is nothing Jewish, other than Christmas songs written by Jews. 
You can't have a Jewish experience shopping. They have taken over every store. Even the CVS logo now is red and white.

It's all Christian. They decorate the mall with every Christmas reef and pine tree, and red pair of socks they can find. Then you see a Chanukah night light they found at the Dollar Tree. Stores are decked out in red and white, and a tiny Chanukiah in the corner. A little electric Chanukiah, just in case the lights on the Christmas tree go out. Got their huge tree and a Chanukiah ornament for the Jews, to let the Jews know they can shop at JCPenney. 
Christians deck. They deck out the whole area. Decking halls. Jews, we place. We have been relegated to the placement of an electric Chanukah Menorah.

Don't take the kids to the mall for the holiday experience. It turns out Santa is not Jewish. That was a shocker the first time I found that out. It's called Ma'arat Ayin. He’s got the beard, but then he's got the red hat. That should've been a dead giveaway right there. It might have been because I was used to the Chabad rabbi with the Tefillin in that spot at the mall.
The mall will try to do a lot of stuff to make the holidays good for all. And that means that Santa will also let Jewish kids sit on his lap. How Santa gets away with that?! Our rabbi once shook a kid's hand and got fired.
I for one don’t consider it a Chanukah experience to have our children lighting a Chanukiah night light with Santa and his elves, on Santa's recliner. And then he gives the Jewish kids gifts too. On his recliner?! He’s creepier than the candy man at our shul. It’s called proselytizing.
They even claimed candy canes. You can't even even eat candy now without being a heretic. Nothing for your Jewish kid to enjoy. Nothing blue. All red. The mall is all Christian stuff and a blue snow cone. If you're lucky. And they probably don't sell those during the Christmas season. Which starts in July.

They can't even give us Chanukah. We can't get eight days. Just eight days. Still hearing the Christmas songs on the radio. The mall is blasting Christmas songs. And the Jews now write these songs now. Might as well write the songs. "If you can't beat them, make money off them." That's what I say.
They start playing the Christmas songs half a year in advance. Thanks to Mariah Carey they now have enough songs. "Twelve Days of Christmas." Their song should be "Twelve Months of Christmas with Mariah Carey."
It's Chanukah and they're celebrating Christmas. They're offended if you wish them a Happy Hanukah. Even leaving out the "Chet," they get offended. You have to say "Happy Holidays" on Chanukah, a month before Christmas.

And shopping for the kids isn't fun. For some reason, I don't like spending all of my money.
My advice. Don't go shopping. Don’t buy your kids anything. If there is one thing that ruins the holiday, it’s going broke on a new gaming console. For some reason, something that can make your kids feel so good can make your feel so bad.
And now that Christmas Tree Shops went out of business. I can't go anywhere to get my Chanukah stuff. The best place you could find in Upstate New York to find Chanukah decorations was the Christmas Tree Shops. And now that it's gone, I have to ask Santa to help me get some Chanukah gifts.

I expected to see something Jewish at the mall. Nothing. The closest thing I saw was a two for one sale at Kohl's. And that was at a strip mall. Santa doesn't sit at strip malls in Upstate New York. After the first four months of Christmas, it gets to cold outside. 
Can't even buy clothes. I wanted a sweater. They've cornered the sweater market. All Christmas. Even the Chanukah sweater was a Christmas sweater. A woven Christian Chanukiah. I can't buy anything knitted till after the first of January. 
And then I was thinking of sending my friend a holiday card. Nope. Can't do that either. No Chanukah cards. Just Christmas cards. Nothing.
Everywhere. They're even wearing the hats in November. In November now. They encroach on us. Can't give us anything. Christmas is supposed to be one day. And the Santa hats don't even keep you warm.

I was trying to find Chanukah candles. That's what led to this. I needed Chanukah candles. Couldn't find them anywhere. Not even at Wegmans supermarket. Though, the Kosher section had tinsels. Then, I show up at Target. Thank Gd they have all that Christmas stuff there. They had just enough Christmas stuff to be able to justify their Menorah candle bin in the corner, next to the Silly Putty.

All I am asking for is eight days to wish people a Chanukah Sameach. The rest of the year, enjoy Christmas.
I just want some Chanukah. Something. Everything is red and white. Stop signs. They even have stop signs. Every time I need to slow my car down, I'm reminded of Christmas. For eight days. That's all I ask. Blue and white stop signs for eight days.
One song. Even have a Jew write us our song. Something Jewish. Something about Chinese food. Eight days of something other than a Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" and the Dreidel song. Something other than the Dreidel song, which I am sure has something to do with Christmas.

With all this, I want to thank Chabad for trying to bring the Chanukah spirit to my shopping experience. Chabad, fighting for the Army of H', brought in one of those huge Chanukiahs. An eighth of the size of the Christmas tree. I know they did, because I peeked behind the tree, pushed aside the branches, and was able to see one of the candles, giving an extra glow to the ornaments.

​I understand if you can't avoid Christmas. It's everywhere. If you have to, do what you can and make your Christmas at the mall a Chanukah experience.
Go to the mall and sit on Santa's lap yourself. When was the last time you sat on a grown man's lap?! Ask Santa to talk to the rabbi about making his sermons shorter. Maybe write a song about deer and snow, and make money. They've claimed snow too.
Go shopping in January, during the first month of Christmas, when they have the sales. Make it a positive Jewish experience. Give your kids Chanukah gift cards so they can enjoy Chanukah after Chanukah.
And that is how Yeshiva Week began.