Beautiful Israel: Ode to Israeli Immigrants

by Mikakel Kaleekaku

Culture is thine people. Since the Babylonians, the Greeks and thine Romans got involved we have been dispersed around the world. We have found ourselves in Israel, and in different countries, where our people have learned to make decent brisket. It is now that our people, oh the dispersed, have come home, and thus we speaketh of the immigrant. Oh. How thine people reimmigrantasize.

They speak Hebrew in the Holy Land. Need I say more? They also speak Russian, French, English, Yiddish, Mandarin. It really depends on where you’re from. They also speak Hebrew.
Oh. How I love thee and thine languages that are not Hebrew. Thy citizeneth who identify as Israelis who don't speak Hebrew.
Oh. Thine American who doesen'tith abandoneth their English. Keepeth strong in thine will notith speaking Hebrew.

There’s an Israeli law that every third song on the radio has to be Israeli, in order to interrupt the good songs with songs that speak to the Neshama. Thine soul.
Oh. Thine Israeli radio. Thy doesn'th have English songs playing all day, as thusith would maketh Israel feel too much like Russia.
Oh. How I love thine music that is not English. You giveth songs that toucheth the soul, that I don'teth understand.

Thanks to the strong religious influence, we have Chasidic songs on the radio. Each Chasidic song has the lyrics of “yay nay nay.” so that everybody can sing along.
Oh. Thine religious songs playeth during the week. How I misseth Shabbat on Tuesdays, until I hear thine radio with Shwekey topping thine charts.
Oh. How I love thee and thine religious songs and the chance thou allowest me to singeth along, in confidence I understand wateth happeneth. It is these words that I know, remindeth me I do understandeth Hebrew. Yay Nay Nay Nay.

We have Israeli food such as falafel, shwarma and pizza. Which Israel created.
Oh. How I love thee. Oh. Thine Borscht and thine Schav. Gold's, thine our a brand. A brand and a family. Oh. How thine kibe. Thine croussants thou takes credit for. Some pizza ist created in Italy, as we give our Italinia reimmigrantized credit for pizza too. Though, thou knowest pizza is Israeli. Oh. Chinese food. Thou hast notith moved to Israel, but ure people have brought thine foodeth from thine Diaspora. Chinese Foodeth that iseth Israeli.

Sports is everywhere. We even have athletes that came from America so we can compete in thine EuroLeague.
Oh. How I love thee. Oh. Thine Israeli athletes that did not make the NBA.

To Israeli immigrants everywhere. Thank you for opening up falafel shops.
Oh. Thine Diaspora, where thine Israelis who never cooked openeth restaurants of Israeli cuisine. Where a salad of cut vegetables is called Israeli.
Oh. How thy introduced the world to the untucked shirt.
Oh. Thine Diaspora. Where Israelis move to geteth away from Israelis, to liveth with Israelis.
Oh. Thine Diaspora. Where Israelis move to geteth away from immigrants.

***The adding of the "eth" to the end of the word makes it biblical. And thuseth more meaningfuleth. Poetic.