This is the Jews in sports issue and thank Gd there are no swimsuits. No Jews in swimsuits issue. Nobody needs to see that.
Here is what we saw the past couple months in sports and at the Olympics.

The Deni Avdija Saga
Deni Avdija is now hated because he's good at basketball. Who didn't see this coming?!
So much social media hatred, because he’s good at a sport. This would never happen to anybody other than a Jew. "He's averaging twenty-eight points a game. I hate Syria!!!" And of course they’re saying, "Now the Jews are running the world and basketball!" And they're right. The NBA commissioner is Jewish. We have to agree with the Jew haters here.

Let's go off on the Israeli NBA star and his bad decisions. Like a fool, Deni suggested people not share strong opinions if they don't know anything about a topic. Not very American. Then he went on to say that if you're not educated on a subject, you shouldn't talk about it. So now he's suggesting college graduates not have opinions. Only an aggressor would share such an opinion.
What kind of American is this guy?! And you wonder why people hate Jews.
And then Deni tells The Athletic, "I obviously stand for my country, because that's where I'm from..." What???! Is this guy just totally anti-American?! What kind of American supports their country?! Americans know better than to support their people.
And then he thinks that when you’re playing a game, it’s not a time for politics. You drive to the basket, you take a layup, you say, "I hate my country." That’s what normal NBA players do. Deni’s probably one of those haters who wouldn’t have kneeled during the national anthem.
And worst of all, Israelis are proud of Deni Avdija. And you wonder why so many people hate him.

Deni Avdija is the first Israeli athlete to ever make it to the NBA All-Star game and Spike Lee shows up to the game wearing a fishnet pattern Kaffiyeh and Palestinian flags. And it has nothing to do with Deni Avdija. As Spike Lee made clear, it was in support of Israel. Pure happenstance that he’s fully clad in Yasser Arafat. 
Spike Lee wrote, "I didn't know Deni as the first Israeli born All-Star. He can ball. Now I do know. Live and learn.” And what Spike Lee has learned is how to get away with stuff by lying. You say you had no idea, and it’s fine. It works. “I stabbed my husband. I didn’t realize he cheated on me.” When putting out an anti-Semitic film, Spike didn’t know that Jewish people run Hollywood when he said “Jewish people run Hollywood.” Maybe our last statement here is anti-Semitic. We take it back. We did not know. 
What Mr. Lee definitely did learn is how to steal lines from G.I. Joe. I’m guessing he also doesn’t know that “Now I Know” is Sergeant Slaughter’s line. And we just learned that Mr. Lee is not Chinese.
And he continued, "Nor was it intended as a comment on the significance of Deni being an All-Star.” He only wore it because Anthony Edwards is from Atlanta.
Turns out, Deni thinks Spike Lee should not have an opinion. Because Spike Lee is an idiot.
It turns out Spike Lee has made many inflammatory statements over the years. Every one of them against Jews. But he did not know they were against Jews when he made them against Jews.
As our contributor, Shlomo said, "Spike Lee was just trying to do the right thing." As Spike Lee was clear that he has "utmost belief in human dignity for all humankind." As such Spike will be wearing an Israeli flag to Gaza. He will walk down the streets of Gaza City to let everybody know that Israel is the homeland of the Jewish people. Thus, we will not be seeing Spike Lee at next year’s NBA All-Star game.
 
And the Olympics Saga
On February seventh burglars stole passports, suitcases, shoes, and thousands of dollars' worth of specialized equipment from Israel's bobsled team. It turns out the boycott divestment people truly do like Israeli products. And since then, a new form of divestment has begun, where you steal the Israeli products. Kind of like a divestment investment in Israeli products campaign.
This took place at their Olympic training camp in the Czech Republic. But they didn't let not having their clothes and other personal items keep them down. And the team continued training immediately after, which pissed off everybody else at the hotel. Making it hard for people to get to their rooms and sleep. The hotel manager had to stop this, saying, "Please take your sled back to the room, and find some clothes."
The Swiss announcer called AJ Edelman, the bobsledder, "a Zionist," which translates to "genocide backer" in French. It turns out AJ Edelman can’t even do simple bobsledding without being accused of killing Arabs. I believe the Swiss announcer missed this part. But I think we saw AJ using his sled to try to hit a Palestinian, who was standing at the end of the run.


At least the sports announcers don't let their lack of knowledge on a subject get in the way of their opinions.
I am just happy judo is not part of the winter games. I don't know how we would justify that with a Swiss announcer blaming our Israeli team for Hamas. “And he took the guy to the mat. The same way he killed everybody in Gaza. Like a human shield. And he's now leaving the arena. Going back into his tunnel.”

People who were competing against Jews competed in this Olympics. In judo competitions, and past Olympics, athletes refused to fight Israelis. This being the only time Arabs and Islamic Republic of Iran have refused violence against Jews in recorded history.

Jack Hughes scores the overtime goal to give America the win in the Olympics hockey finals. Hughes has a Jewish mother and Christian father. We'll take it. He’s Jewish. Aerin Frankel, goalie for the US women's hockey team, brings home the gold with three shutouts. And this is why people hate Jews. Now Jews run hockey too.
Jews have finally found a sport they are good at. A sport that takes no running or jumping. And mind you, this is ice hockey. Not floor hockey. Which means none of these athletes are Frum. They might beat Canada, but they would lose to TABC Yeshiva.
Turns out that once the British team heard Aerin was Jewish, they stopped shooting on goal and started to try to hit her.

Upon taking the gold, Jack Hughes said he was proud to be an American. Not again. Another Deni Avdija.
As if being a proud American is not enough, Jack Hughes went off, “When you get the chance to go to White House and meet the president, we're proud to be Americans, and that's so patriotic…” Oh. No. This is where the antisemitism starts. He wants to see the president. I have no idea what school he went to, but this is a poorly raised child. This is why you have to separate children from their parents. 
He didn’t stop there. He keeps going, “No matter what your views are, we're super excited to go to the White House tomorrow and be a part of that." So unAmerican. And you wonder why people want Jews out of America. Not living in Israel. Living in… Not living anywhere. We went through the list of countries that want Jews.
If we've learned anything as a people, athletes should not represent their country. Especially in the Olympics.
 
More Sports That Were Left Out of the New York Times
Maccabi Tel Aviv football fans aren’t allowed at Maccabi games in Birmingham, UK. Israeli teams are allowed to play, but they're not allowed to have their fans. They’re allowed to have the other teams’ fans. And sometimes the fans for the other teams do cheer for Israel. We did catch a few chants with Israel in it. One went, “Down with Israel.” And there was one that went, “Israel go to hell.”
Maccabi fans are allowed to show up at Manchester United games. They’re allowed to go to England to root for the other teams. To quote one Maccabi fan, “It felt very Zionistic rooting for Leeds.”
It comes down to safety. It turns out soccer is a very dangerous sport because of Jews. Jews getting attacked by mobs is extremely dangerous to onlookers. When chasing Jews with bats and knives, it has happened that innocent bystanders were hit by a chair that fell. And that can’t happen.

The boxing champion, Floyd Mayweather, shows to the Republican Coalition for Israel and says, "I will always stand behind the country of Israel." That's all it took. The man has Jewish fans for life. Apparently, he’s against the massacre of Jews. Not a popular stance. We love him.
As he said, "I will always be the voice for the people in Israel." And he now is. He doesn't speak Hebrew. But we don't care. The man is our voice.
Greatest speaker ever. Two sentences, he’s representing us in the UN. And I believe the UN will be a more exciting place with boxing promoters. Get some fights going in that place. Some real fights. I’ve seen the look on those people’s faces. Don King should be on that. Getting Pakistan into it.

Lebron James, a supporter of Deni Avdija, said he hopes to visit Israel. Which is a beautiful thing. He's just waiting to be able to scrape together the cash to be able to make the trip. 
And that is how expensive EL AL is.

Great Jews in Sports was published in 1983. A new edition has not been put out since. The last great Jewish athlete is Hank Greenberg.
As we have seen, a lot of great Jewish athletes are now starting to shine. With all the intermarriage, we might need to put out another volume soon.
 
That was a lot. If we’ve learned anything the past few months, B”H, it turns out they hate Jews in sports too.

I don't know Cliff, but I do have his notes. Nonetheless, I don't like calling them Cliff's notes, as Megillat Esther is a Jewish thing. I also refuse to call them Cole's, as I have never met a Jew named Cole. We shall thus call these Kfir's Notes.
Let us begin Megillat Esther.

​Chapter 1
Achashverosh, the king, has a big party. Which means a lot of drunk people. That’s how you show your wealth. You spend it and ensure people have a hangover and puke.
It wasn't an ice cream party. You want to be popular, you throw a kegger. Not a custarder.

All happened in Persia. But we know that's Iran. You can't fool us. We know the Persians are the ones causing all the problems.
Jews say they’re Persian, Persian Jews, but we know. 
 
One-hundred-eighty-seven days of drinking. And not one of them showed up to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. People didn't get addicted back then. They just kept on drinking. Hence, no issues.
It wasn't one-hundred-eighty-seven days of vanilla strawberry swirl soft serve. Though, I would've loved that. 
Nowadays, you can't even get away with one day of coming home drunk without your wife going off on you. You need a king's edict just to have a shot.

These guys were in the palace, partying. Loving it. Until a woman talked. Women can truly kill a good half year of binge drinking.
At the end of the party, Achashverosh invites his wife to show her beauty. Somehow, she didn't like the sound of walking into a room of a bunch of drunk men, for them to check her out. I'm guessing, if he would've said he wanted to have a romantic candlelit dinner, she would've come. All dinners were candlelit back then. If a guy ever asks you to a candlelit dinner in the 500 BCEs, be suspicious. 
People were like, "Wait. Why are there no women?... Achshi. You're a cool guy and all. But a hundred-eighty-six days of Bros, that's a little much." They called him Achshi. After drinking with the king for half a year, you're buddies. Buddies shorten their buddies’ name. 

Vashti refuses come. Like the annoying wife, she tells him to sober up first. "I don't want to see you drunk."
This was the first time a woman expressed her opinion in Persia. It was scary. The wise men were in shock. "Hold on. These things talk. That's not good. Did she just make a decision. Every book I've ever read says these things listen to men and cook what man wants. But they don't talk... Opinions?! Next thing you know, every man in Persia will be stuck eating chicken curry and gazpacho."
So they get rid of Vashti, because women shouldn't talk.

The drunk men were not happy that Vashti did not allow them to hoot at her. Much argument takes place as to why women should not make decisions. But nobody has any good answers, as they couldn't ask women what they thought. One fool said, "We should ask a woman. Women have good ideas." They hung him.

The wise men decide it’s not good for women to make decisions. "We must stop them. Otherwise, we will have to come back home Saturday nights to be with the family." 
Vashti is gone. She is royalty no more, and an edict is sent out that men shall rule over their homes. And the homes of Persia become very messy. Schmutz everywhere.

And this is why we have the Ayatollah.
 
Chapter 2
Achashverosh realizes that getting rid of his wife was a bad decision. Not having a wife feels bad when you're sober and you don't have a decent series to watch. 
Being a king is not easy. You can't always depend on the harem and the concubines. You only have two-thousand in the harem. What do you with all the extra free time when you're not with the concubines.
This is where the saying "you only have one-thousand concubines" comes from. Later, people perverted Achashverosh's words to be, "You only have one wife."
 
​Achashverosh wakes up by himself and realizes he needs another one of these things. "I like these Vashti things. How do I get another one of these Vashti things?" The popular word for women in those days was "things." And it wasn't considered male chauvinism. Because women weren't allowed to talk, it was considered men's rights. According to men, you had men and things.

The men decided the best way to do get another one of these things was to bring a bunch of women into the house and wait another six months to see them. To which Achashverosh responded, "This feels like a Jewish engagement."

Mordechai tells Esther, his cousin who he raised, to go try out for the role of queen. A theater dad. See it all the time in the Jewish community. "Perform for the king. It's a good gig. Marrying the king is good money. It sets you up for life. A good pension."
Mordechai needed the money. We know this. In chapter four, he’s walking around in sackcloth.

Esther joins the harem for six months of perfume. In those days, they didn't have deodorant. It took a long time to get rid of the stench of the ghormeh sabzi.
Esther is liked by the people and the king likes her the most. He decides she’s instead of Vashti. And now she can talk to the king when summoned. She better talk to the king when summoned. You don't want to make a Vashti. Vashti was the slur used for a good hundred years for women who didn't summon upon being summoned.
No other woman is allowed to talk for fear of death. Which, to be honest, makes it easier to get in a word.
 
Mordechai heard these two guys, Bigtan and Teresh, planning to kill the king. They were still into this "No Women" protest thing. When they saw the Achashverosh was willing to talk to a woman, they started the "No Kings" protest. They truthfully just enjoyed protesting, and made good money off it. They had a few months where they had nothing to protest. They started a "Concubines Matter" rally. They even rallied for "Free Lydia," where they were shouting, "Kill all the Jews," because it's fun to say that. 
Through Esther, Mordechai tells Achashverosh that Bigtan and Teresh want to kill him, so they hang Bigtan and Teresh. End of that story. I don't believe Achashverosh took this to court.
And they put it in the chronicles. This way everybody can forget about. “’And we killed them.’ Anything else happen today… ‘And the king enjoyed the teriyaki sauce.’”
No last names. In the history of mankind there has never been another Bigtan and Teresh. People don't know this, but Bigtan was very small. His friends were going to nickname him LargeMass. But his buddies went with Bigtan, as it sounded less offensive. Teresh's nickname was "Teresh."

Conclusion
There were a lot of buddies in the days of Achashverosh.
And now you can't get drunk on Purim, or your wife will get mad at you. There's a reason for edicts.
And all because Vashti talked, women are set back to having to use perfume again. And there are another twenty-four-hundred years till women's rights, Bloomingdale's and community gardens are created.

I believe this is longer than the Megillah itself. We're only in chapter two, and we haven't even discussed soft serve ice cream. It might be more useful to skip Kfir's Notes and read the Megillah on Purim.

Announcements
Do not worry about your homes. We want to let all Jews of our town in Kansas know that Mamdani does not have any control over the taxes in Topeka. Living here is still affordable. The rabbi wants to ensure the congregation that Mamdani cannot make decisions from New York for Topeka, Kansas Jews.
 
Deni Avdija represented Israel in the NBA All-Star Game, and now people hate Jews more.
We had a committee and meeting and discussed it. It's fine to support Israeli in the Olympics. Even if you may lose your job, you're allowed to say, "Israelis are good people."

Members don’t have to worry about showing up to shul. We took down the Rosh Chodesh sign. People will not be scaring families and banging tables in the shul this coming week.
The Gabai took down the Yaaleh vYavo sign. Such a Mechaiyah. A joy. A pleasure. Davening won’t take an hour and a half. And nobody will be singing.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Ruin a Community- Mamdani and Our Shul’s Board. Israel and Our People- Why Nobody Comes to Our Congregation for Help- A Story of a Board Led by Ruchele. When A Shul Has Nobody Who Represents Their People in the Olympics or at a Board Meeting. Making Rosh Chodesh Very Painful with Our Chazin- How Such a Short Davening Can Last So Long and Other Miracles You Don’t Want to Witness.
​
Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
Yes. H’ goes through everything that you can give to the Tabernacle and how to make it. Because you leave anything for translation and you guys mess it up... I saw what you gave Menachem for his Bar Mitzvah. H' doesn't want you giving Him second hand books. He doesn't need stuff you're trying to get rid of... The book cover worn. The spine had creases in it...

(Shemot 25:21) “And you shall put the Cover on the Ark from above...” Because you fools would try to put the cover on the side. Some of you would try to put it on the bottom... Because you people make no sense. Malkie put the lid on the side of the pot. What happened? Soup spilled everywhere. H’ has to remind you guys that covers are supposed to cover things... And clothes cover you when you come into shul. If somebody can please tell the Filberman cousins...
(Shemot 26:11) “And you shall bring the hooks into the loops...” Because that’s what normal people do with hooks and loops. H’ has to spell it out for you people. You hook the hooks in the loops... That's why they're called hooks, Brian...

(Shemot 26:30) “You shall erect the Mishkan according to its right way, that will be show on the mountain.” It's not supposed to be the way Marty decided the back awning should look... It looks like you're entering a circus. What's with the red and yellow?! No shul has red and yellow on their awning, unless if they're selling hotdogs...
​The Mishkan is the Tabernacle. Does that make more sense? Is Tabernacle a better English word than Mishkan??? Well. I'm confused about that too... Got to spell things out for you. Otherwise, you do it the wrong way. Like the renovations and the new four by six dance floor... Who creates a four foot by six foot dance floor? Are we going to have Bar Mitzvah parties with two people?!...
When it's not Gd, it’s not right. You start coming up with messed up definitions of stuff, like genocide. You start coming up with weird commentaries about Jews using bobsleds in the Olympics to hit Gazans... You start smacking tables instead of calmly letting people know it's Rosh Chodesh... 

Sometimes there is no room for your creativity. Because you will mess up the building. You guys can’t even figure out how to put the parts of the Sukkah together... It’s not construction. It's canvas. It's a drape.
Put it together like I am telling you. Do renovations like H’ wants. Renovations of the sanctuary. There’s a reason Yankel Baruch isn’t working the drill for the new Mechitzah... Good question. I don’t believe H’ ordered people from Central America to build the Tabernacle. Though Phil has some amazing people on his staff...

You make no sense. That's why we have commandments.
Just follow H’s way and it will work out right. It will be “one.” It won't fall apart like the Lefkowitz wedding cake. Or their wedding for that matter.
The Mishkan comes together as one. Not like this shul. And I understand why nobody can stand Rob... Because H’ did not say the Tabernacle needs a bride’s room. We haven’t had a wedding here in five years...
Do things the right way. 

Mamdani also makes no sense...
Mamdani doesn't control the world. I understand he said he'll arrest Bibi... Who's going to arrest Bibi if there are no police in New York.
Mamdani is good for the Jewish people. We will finally witness the Geula and Jews moving back to Israel...
Some Jews might move here, to Topeka... I'm worried our people will be more scared of Bernie and Fran than Mamdani. You people are very scary. And then the Rosh Chodesh table whacking. Calm down. H' didn't say to frighten people. He said to pray. I said Yaaleh vYavo and had an anxiety attack... I have no idea how that tradition started. Somebody must've been mad Davening was taking too long, and then they slammed a table. Now our congregation thinks it's a law to scare everybody...

We must stick up for our athletes. That's the right thing to do. Stick up for Israel and our athletes... Not one person in this shul is athletic. Which is why I don’t support you.
Am I supposed to support you sitting on a Cybex machine??? Just sitting there.
Stick up for them. In the Olympics. They're our people. No need to get into it like Mushka. Just support them. No need to scream, "Jews. There are Jews on the screen!!! Jews in the Olympics!!!" Calm down. Some Jews are athletes too. Some Jews are in shape. You don't see them in our shul. But there are Jews who are healthy...
They're our people. Let it be known. Israelis are good people. The Israeli army is moral. Be proud. Our people are good, and our shul does not represent them...

The Rosh Chodesh sign is very scary. I understand. I see it and I get anxiety attacks. Don’t worry. It’s down. You can show to shul again. It won’t take an hour and a half for Wednesday morning Davening... It takes an hour and a half when you Daven alone, because you keep forgetting to say Yaaleh vYavo. That's on you. You can't blame the Chazin for you having to repeat Shemonah Esrei five times. You can’t focus for three minutes? What goes on in your mind during the Amidah?... We can send Michel Baruch to bang on a table and scare you into saying Yaaleh vYavo. Ever since I heard an angry Michel Baruch table slap, I have not forgotten to say Yaaleh vYavo. In fear he might whack the table harder... We've lost tables in shul to Michel's whacking...
H' did not say to break tables at shul on Rosh Chodesh. That's not one of the commandments....
So scary hearing them bang. Why the banging. We have the sign. What’s the point in the sign… And then you forget anyways. With the sign…
And then he sings it. Everybody hates you. I understand you’re the Chazin but people hate coming to shul because of you… That's the real reason people bang. People are banging because they’re mad you’re singing. You and the front right of the shul. That's why people stay away from you all in the front right. You're instigators. You egg on the Chazin and his singing. And you have bad harmony... H' never said to harmonize.

​H's way is the right way. It makes sense. You throw out everything for Pesach. And you use plastic. Plastic dishes. A lot of plastic on Pesach... Because it makes sense.
Just follow how H' says to do it...
Maybe we need brides before there is a bride's room. Maybe first Pinny should meet somebody....
H' says to say Yaaleh vYavo. Do it the first time and I will submit a proposal to the board that Michel Baruch stops breaking things in shul.
And do renovations properly, without our members... Our members should try to get in better shape... Stop being creative and things will be decent around here. Maybe people will build properly and stop trying to figure out how to fit loops into loops. It's not a shul. This place is a brain teaser...
At least we won't be walking into Shloimi and Yaelis Four Loop Circus... That's what it looks like when you enter the shul with that awning... H' wants gold plated metal looking letters on fronts of buildings. That's why every Yeshiva has it...

Worst gifts. Never get a gift from our membership.
And cover yourselves. You put a shirt on the top of your body. A sports jacket over the shirt... That's what H' wants in shul... TABERNACLE.

Rivka's Rundown
You need to spell things out for our congregants. Like the word “Tabernacle.” Our rabbi had to spell that out countless times during the sermon.
Nobody could wrap their head around Tabernacle being an English word, because the word wasn’t “building.” If Mishkan was the English word, I'd understand my language better.

Truly the worst gifts. For our anniversary we got second hand Tupperware.

I must agree with the rabbi. Canvas is not construction. It's curtain placement. Yet, our congregants want to say it's building because that's the extent to which they have ever built anything. They've suggested the shul pays people to build stuff. Other than messed up ideas for renovations, they are useless.
The rabbi gave in. He felt bad. Canvas Sukkahs is the only handy thing these guys do around the house. They put up a Sukkah and they take pride in that. And they hire a guy to come and unclog a kitchen sink. Not one member in our shul can figure that out.

All people can talk about is Mamdani. 
People are worried about Mamdani. One guy sold his home and moved out of Topeka because he's afraid of communism in New York. Worried he'll get taxed by Mamdani if New Yorkers refuse to pay the five billion dollars he wants them to pay for LGBTQ afternoon coffee get-togethers for religious children. 
I’m worried too. It feels like a lot of Jew hatred. I think I heard him say, “Jews have no rights anywhere.” And then he said, "I can make those decisions. And I'm going to tax the Jews." I think Mamdani said he controls Israel too.
That guy has guts. Who says they run the world, and yet have no power to do it?! That takes guts.

Our members get very violent around Rosh CHodesh. The Yaaleh vYAvo bang is scary as anything. It feels like a fight with the table. 
Michel Baruch put on an exhibition of Yaaleh vYavo table breaking. Now the shul lost all the tables that came in with the new renovation. That's ten thousand dollars lost. It looks like a hate crime was committed on our shul.
Due to the rise in antisemitism, Michel has been asked by parents to teach his form of karate. Which is now known as Ryu-Chodesh. Many children in our shul have signed up for Ryu-Chodesh Dojo. One or two of our new members from South America refused to show up, as dojo sounded to much like DOJ. So, Michel Baruch now just calls it a Ryu-Chodesh practice room.
As part of the Kata, upon striking with the Kiai breath they shout "Yaaleh vYavo." One kid struck a member of our shul when he noticed the person did not say Yaaleh vYavo. The child was reprimanded, as Rosh Chodesh had passed.

And then these idiots sing. I want to hurt them. There is nothing happy about Rosh Chodesh at our shul. One fool requested we do a musical Rosh Chodesh. I calculated the addition of instruments at an extra forty-five minutes. That's two hours and fifteen minutes with the Chazin.
The rabbi is right. The banging is because of the singing. It feels good to get out your anger at the Chazin. That's why I bang. I bang at Shabbat Musaf when the Chazin sings during the Kedusha prayer as well. And then I shout at the members in the front right of the shul. They start with their harmonizing, I yell at them. The only issue is I've been complimented on my harmony. It turns out my yelling sounds better than their singing. It's a bit of a compliment. I didn't know my yells sounds so good. I've been yelling at people for a while now. I think it just feeds my ego as a want to be deva. 
I also appreciate the rabbi's explanation of the secondary reason for why the banging is done in such a scary way. It's because otherwise people will be like Tzvi and forget to say Yaaleh vYavo. They whack the table, you live through it, you remember to praise Gd. 

The rabbi brought up Jews in the Olympics. That excites our congregants almost as much as seeing a Yarmulke on a TV show.
​There is not one athlete in our shul. The board took a vote, and they decided that posting your aerobics workout online does not make somebody an athlete. And they agree with the rabbi that it's Asur to post workouts, as it's forbidden to bring pain on other people.

The greater community is shaming us for supporting Jewish and Israeli athletes. They are claiming that Israel competing in the Olympics is an act of genocide. I am just happy judo is not part of the winter games. I don't know how we would justify that.
I will not stop supporting our athletes. I'm with the rabbi. "Just don't support our membership."

Here is what I saw the past few months in the news.

For anybody who missed it. Antisemitism still exists.
Guy rams into 770 with his car. Some people are willing to do go way too far to get their dollar.

Israel laser missile defense program is shunned by the world. It makes it not fair when they shoot rockets at Israel. ​To quote, "People shoot missiles at Israel. Missiles cost a lot. It's a waste when they don't hit... And this is why we hate Jews." Turns out the world is very mad about this idea of Jews being safe. As are Spike Lee and Tyler Oliveira.

New electric water drip system in Israel is working. Baruch H'. No idea what it is. But it works. And it's good to know that. Happy we got that news. I will do what I can and not get involved.

Mayor of New York, Zohran Mamdani, is now doing press conferences on subways. He's already bankrupt city hall to the point that he has no office.
The mayor said, "It's better to meet on the subway. There are less rats here."
The people in the cart for the press conference were not very happy. They were trying to figure out if they got on the wrong train. Middle of the news conference, the woman in the back got up and asked Mamdani if the train was going to stop at Times Square. To which Mamdani said, "No. It's too dangerous. And the garbage hasn't been picked up." I'm not positive that all happened. But I think it did.
I think he's the only New Yorker that feels safe on the subways. He's not Jewish.

Jews are still against Jews and Israel, as it is a Jewish value to hate Jews.

Universities in Europe want to boycott Israel, again. They still can't get it right. Turns out they're not very good at not buying Israeli products.

Nothing positive about Jews was in the news. Even China is spreading propaganda about Jews. Not very happy about it, the CCP is doing what they can to make up for thousands of years of not knowing that Jews messed up their lives too.

Israel breaks the ceasefire by getting shot at.
New Media Definition of the Week: Breaking a Ceasefire- When they shoot at you.

Britain has new laws which don't allow you to share thoughts. So, if you're from England, please do not read any of this. You will get arrested. 

Apartheid Free Zones have been created in Hackney, Bristol, Sheffield, and Brighton. Apartheid free means that Jews are not allowed. Many of our readers may not know this, but the definition of apartheid is the presence of Jews in your neighborhood. Apartheid free also means not buying anything from Israel, because Jews live there with Arabs.
To make the people of the neighborhood feel comfortable they went around and knocked on Jewish doors, to let Jews know they suck. They were quite polite about it. Some even rang the bell. "Top of the morning to you. And you suck. And you are killing people right now. Enjoy your tea. You Earl Grey genociders."
They wanted to give Jews speeches about how they suck, and how they shouldn't be allowed to live. And they figured the proper way to do this is with a neighborly Jew hunt. They took down addresses of people who think Jews have the right to live in a country with people who don't want to kill them. In order to fight genocide.
Going from door to door, asking people if they're Jewish was met with some criticism by locals who made it clear that you don't have to ask people if they're Jewish. "You can just see if they have a Mezuzah." As the protector of our people went on, "You can just mark down the homes that have the Mezuzahs on them."
In many of the Chasidik neighborhoods the Jew hunters received a lot of Tzedakah. To quote one Chasid, "I've never seen a Mishulach without a Kippah. Usually, they knock on my door and ask for money. These people had a very long pitch. I just gave them the Gelt. It's a Mitzvah."
American Jews were angered by this episode, claiming, "It also happens to us. My address was taken down by the Jewish Federation. They won't stop harassing me."

Jews are still being attacked. Wanted to make that clear.

Iranians are being massacred by the Ayatollah. Nobody cares. It's Israeli propaganda to care about the murder of Iranians. Let's move on.

Miss Universe had a Miss Palestine, Nadeen Ayoub. She won the Miss Palestine preliminaries unanimously against herself. The contest had no other contestants, because Palestine does not exist. But she won that.
Nadeen married the son of murderer and terrorist Marwan Barghouti. And she named her son after the terrorist. Not important. It’s tough to name kids. You don’t want to get your father-in-law mad.
 
Video shows snowstorm in Gaza. Now Israelis are creating snow to kill more Gazans.
According to many news syndicates, Gaza is now located in the Himalayas. And Israel is still attacking them there, with snow.

Back to Iran. Mark is on our staff and he seems to care. To quote Mark, who's American, "The killings in Iran. That ruined my day." Mark feels for the Iranian people and he was not able to enjoy his workout. Mark wants it to be known that he showed solidarity. Mark is American and his day was thrown off. He did his part for the cause. And we at the Kibbitzer are with Mark. If anybody wants to hang out later, Mark is hoping to hit a nightclub to show solidarity.
Most Americans are against saving Iranian lives. As has been stated, "They didn't attack police at their rallies in LA. And it is wrong to not attack police. Last time we saw this was at the proIsrael rally. Shame!"

News syndicates take back news about Israel again. They finally get the news right the fifth time around.

Ceasefire resumes. This is the most violent ceasefire I have ever seen.

Tucker Carlson made a trip to Israel for his first pilgrimage ever, to the Ben Gurion Airport. He wanted to witness where Jesus flew out of.
Tucker did not make it to Jerusalem or the Jordan River. Tucker wants to make it clear that Nazareth and Bethlehem are also not important to the real Christians. What is important to the real Christians is Saudi Arabia. To quote Tucker Carlson, "Everybody knows that."
I hope I am not misrepresenting Tucker Carlson. We all feel bad that he was abused with questions. Nobody should ever have to witness such things at an airport. We at the Kibbitzer are angered by the episode and insist Israeli security stop asking people who packed their bags.

Muslims pray in New York City. That scares people. Islamic prayer has people on edge.

Some say seventy thousand have been killed in Iran by the Ayatollah's recent massacres. Because it's not Israel, Google has the number at seven thousand.
​Trump said he has the back of the Iranian people in their fight against the regime. Which means he has done nothing.
My understanding of the conversation. "We have your back. Don't stop. We won't let them kill you." "Where is this guy?! They are stabbing me right now!!!" "Keep at it. Don't give in." "I'm at the hospital and they just shot my doctor." "Don't worry. Keep strong. We're right here."
The rest of the conversation was. "Where the hell is America. They kidnapped my family and just cut off my hand and raped it." "If Trump doesn't come next week I'm converting to Islam." And that is how you bring loyal people to your faith.

Death toll numbers in Gaza still show no combatants. It is now clear, Israel killed sixty-thousand journalists.

Next week we will have a special Jews in the News focusing on the Olympics, Jews in sports, and how they have caused antisemitism by competing.
Our full report on Mamdani’s snow removal will come in our spring issue, when the snow melts. We want to give him a chance to get rid of the snow.
Our chief editor, Rachel, said we should just write, "Zohran Mamdani insists that you need two forms of identification and a social security card to shovel." She believes that nothing we write will be funnier than that. She also said we can add, "And he is asking Jews to shovel."

(Rambam: Teshuva 7:2) For Teshuva, always view yourself as if you’re about to die. It also has me thinking more when going down a flight of stairs.
To do repentance right, you want to make sure that you have a constant worry of death. And that is how you find happiness.
If you find yourself at a bar, as a religious Jew, always think of your friend choking on the peanuts. That will bring true joy. That and bringing up conversations of how we all die one day.

(Shulchan Aruch- Orach Chayim 320:9) You can walk on snow on Shabbat, even if your walking crushes it and makes water. Tell this to all the people that didn’t show up to shul last Shabbis. 

(Vayikra 19:17) “Don’t hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your fellow...” I take this Mitzvah to heart and tell people off regularly.
I’m very good at telling people off. Sometimes I flip them the bird, to ensure I am fulfilling the commandment correctly. Especially when driving.

After Orlah (first three years when you can't eat of a tree's fruit), in the fourth year the fruit is Neta Revai and has Kedusha, holiness. If you live long enough you might be able to enjoy an apple.

Announcements
We're having an enhanced Kiddish for love this week. It will include strawberries. That’s the enhancement. 
Malkie loves strawberries. She said they are tantamount to love, because she loves them. Please address Malkie with any questions about why there is no mango or passion fruit. Or dragon fruit for that matter.
 
Mark Sandwich Night will be this Thursday. It’s an art. The way he cuts. Stacks. It’s a sight to see. He folds the bread too. Spreads mayonnaise. The sisterhood will be cooking brisket and kugels and ensuring all is set up. Mark will be placing the food on the bread. And thus, we call it Mark Sandwich Night, and we do not mention the sisterhood.
 
We're starting to try to draw more old couples. We want more elderly in our shul. The board has decided against youth. We want an elderly shul. We are starting an old couples club.
We have noticed that we have a lot of young couples now in the shul, and for some reason, we are now broke.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How Enhanced Kiddishes Never Fill You Up- How Our Board Lets You Down- A Study in Strawberries. How to Take Credit for What Other People Do- A Study in Mark Sandwich night. Why Have Young Couples When You Have Our Shul- A Shul with No Hope.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
It’s about love. And Pinny doesn't have anybody who loves him…
(Shemot 22:27) “Do not curse Gd, and do not curse a leader of your people.” Cursing is wrong. You’re cursing right now Bernie...
Can we stop with the Klalot. So much cursing. You’re cursing right now under your breath. We see it, Sadie. Everybody hates Malka Chaya. We get it. But you have to stop cursing... Help her buy a new hat that’s less annoying... It’s huge Malka. What the ----....
You curse everybody. You've got to calm down with the cursing under your breath. And we hear it too. How we hear what you are not saying. You're yelling your murmurs...

We know H’. Of course, you can’t curse or blaspheme H’. But you also can’t curse a leader... Did Gd cut you off on the highway?! No. It was that piece of...
An actual commandment. Don't curse your leaders. You also can’t curse your rabbi... Well, you should go to... I'm a leader... Who is standing up here at the Bima, talking to a bunch of heretics? Exactly.
You’re not leaders. You can be cursed. If Sadie deems it, she can curse you... Pouring drinks at the Kiddish club does not make you a Nassi.

It’s about love and appreciation. You show appreciation by not cursing... I don't think I can expect much more from this congregation. Not cursing is a step in the right. What the... Did that child just run between me and the lectern. What the...

(Shemot 23:5) “When you see the donkey of the one you hate crouching under its load, would you stop from helping him?” I know Baruch would. We know you wouldn't help. You didn’t even help when the Babka fell last week. You just watched them picking it up while you ate the Danish...
“You must surely help with him.” Help. An idea. A concept. Something the Kiddish Club has never done... You can help with a hedgehog too... A hamster as well...
You notice how it says “with him.” You do things together. You help your enemy with him. You make love... You help. You make peace. You make love. Unlike Mark who never helps around the house. Or Pinny who hasn't been in a relationship in eight years... I know about Mark. We do couples counseling. 
Hey! I fulfil the Mitzvahs. I helped lift Shlomo when he got drunk and fell before Musaf...

You don’t help and that is why there is hatred. That’s why you all curse each other.
If Malka Chaya’s hat falls, I understand. Don’t help. Stomp on that huge purple thing. It’s like you’re wearing Barnie on your head...

We have to help our congregation. Do things together that are helpful. Like getting rid of congregants...

Cut the strawberries together. Help...
I have no idea what an enhanced Kiddish is. It’s always the same as the other Kiddishes. A very misleading word... The Kiddish is enhanced with love. That's what it is.
Strawberries are love... You don’t give your loved one dried figs. Figs are not romantic... Dragon fruit shows more love than passion fruit. You open a passion fruit, it looks disgusting. Like Harold with his clothes off... Harold is the reason the shul stopped going to the beach years ago.
Honestly. We have to stop calling these things enhanced Kiddishes. It's a Mekach Taot. A faulty sale. Ruben would've never come to shul if he didn't think the Kiddish was enhanced.
It's like telling your enemy you're going to help and then not. You say it's going to be a great Kiddish. But then, strawberries. That's it. Not even an extra Kugel...
Maybe the strawberries will help Mark and Pinny find love again. Something they haven't had. Maybe Mark will give his wife a strawberry and they will make up. And I won't have to hear about him being a lazy piece of... We get it Jaclyn. We all know he is.

Mark. I respect your sandwich making ability. It brings the sisterhood together to make your sandwiches...
You have a love of sandwiches. If you loved your wife like your pastrami.
If you helped around the house. Maybe cooked with her, instead of spreading mayonnaise like you're a chef... Then, maybe your wife would stop cursing you... I know. I do couples therapy with them.
The guy spreads stuff like that's helpful. He spreads out all of his stuff on the counter and leaves. You help. You clean up together... You're not a chef. What kind of a chef can't cook. You're a lunch packer...

We are trying to not draw youth. We are having an Old Couples Club. I love it.
We need old people... You're saying we don't need old people because you took all their money. Now you don’t care about them. And you don't even visit... I know they can move. But they're old. You visit old people. You help lift donkeys and you visit old people. That's the Torah on one food... 
No old people should be standing on one foot. They will fall...
No. I don't want to see youth. They throw their lollipops all over the floor. They cry when they pull your hair. Not one of them can do Hagba.
No youth groups. It's an old group...

Respect old people. They curse you out, because they're old. You have to respect them... They’re in the old age home. They donated the shul... You’re not their child. You never were getting their money. Visit.
The youthful shul idea is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. “We want congregants that don’t pay dues.”
This is why we have hatred. Young people don't help. And you're serving strawberries instead of enhancing the Kiddish...

Other things that cause hatred. Judges that don't do their job. (Shemot 23:1-2)
Wrong judgement also causes lack of love. And we judged young people as being helpful.
It all comes back to not cursing and not causing curses, like Bernie and the back left... When you get a messed-up decision from a judge, you curse. Whenever the board decides on something dumb, like enhanced Kiddishes, you curse... Because you expected it will be enhanced...
“You must not follow the majority to do evil...” The majority would not help the one that is their enemy. And I know this because Fran and Bernie will help nobody in the shul, and they hate everybody.
No love... Basically. Do not follow anybody in our congregation and you will be doing the right thing...
(Shemot 23:3) Even siding with poor people is wrong. It causes lack of love. You judge everybody the same. And that is why I say this whole shul is messed up. You should all go to...

If we had normal people that would help... Anything would help more than Mark and his scooping out of a bagel, like he's working a delicacy... The poor people at least help with cleanup.
And no cursing the rabbi. You pieces of...
Helping and doing together makes for love. Let us all get Malka Chaya a new hat. Let's get a committee that knows how to enhance a Kiddish. And let us get more old people... Old people are allowed to curse. That's what they do...
You don't curse out the guy you hate while helping with his donkey... 

I'm changing the name of our shul to The Shul With No Hope. Beit Knesset LLo Tikvah. Where the members are a bunch of donkey pieces of... May we all praise H' together...

Rivka's Rundown
The rabbi truly got into the cursing. I counted eighteen curses coming out of his mouth during the sermon. I believe he was trying to get across the lesson that a leader can curse at his constituents, and that the congregation is full of a bunch of pieces of...

The rabbi fought back and cursed Bernie and the back left of the shul, because they’re not leaders. They think they're leaders. They do run the Kiddish club.
I think the rabbi was calling Shlomo a donkey and the Kiddish club people he hates.

Sadie has very loud under breath. We hear it.
The whole shul curses eachother. Middle of the Amidah, the silent prayer, they're moving their lips. I will put my money on it that the members of our shul are not praying. They're cursing the other congregants out, under their breath. This is what I heard Sadie saying during the Amidah, "And to the heretics, like Michael Shlomo... And may H' wipe out our enemies and Malka's hat. That piece of... The one who hears my prayers to never have to see Mark and his wife again..."

Malka Chaya’s hats get everybody mad. Eight-inch brims. She passes you and she hits you. For the Amidah, when she takes the three steps back and bows from side to side, the whole section gets whacked by her hat.

They have to stop with this enhanced Kiddish. They bring up our hopes. And then they never have enough Danish. People hear enhanced and they all show up. Huge numbers. Huge crowds show up and the don't even get a Kichel.
It's an enhanced number of people. That's what they enhance at these Kiddishes. People. They haven't figured out how to enhance the food. Maybe next time they'll throw glitter on the Tzimis.

I can't believe the rabbi called Mark a lunch packer. That's not nice. It's got to be a curse. It's got to be. I think the rabbi was out of line. Never call somebody a lunch packer.
Mark’s sandwich hand movement. Amazing. It's a talent. As he spreads the Thousand Island, he opens his hands like he's presenting it. Brilliance. It's a presentation with his hands. The laying out of the vegetables. It’s a true art.
Mark doesn't cook. But that's not his thing. His wife and the sisterhood fry the eggplants. He places them on bread. His specialty is placement. That’s his focus. Placing the vegetable. Not cutting it. The sisterhood cuts them. Mark doesn’t put his hands in harm’s way. And that's why he's the star.
The sisterhood should get some credit, for the kitchen prep, the cooking, the cleanup, the shopping. Mark didn't help with that. It was like they did it together with him, but he did it alone.
He takes credit. That's what Mark Sandwich Night is. A night for Mark to not give credit to the sisterhood.
Truth is, nobody in the sisterhood can lay out an eggplant and onion like Mark.

The youth of our shul are selfish and not one of them can do Hagba. The rabbi is not happy about that. And the young couples only care about themselves. At least old people care. It's the old people that scream at the kid.
These young couples can care less about their elderly. These young idiots think the shul just got here. The old people built it, pay for it, and watch the young couples and their kids ruin it. 
The rabbi is now fighting with the youth director who insists that there needs to be more posters on the wall. As part of renovations, the youth director feels it's important to bring down the value of the shul.

At least old coupes give something to the shul. They help. I have never heard, "Today's Kiddish is sponsored by Miriam and Alex who just had a baby." No. It's, "Today's Kiddish is sponsored by Linda and Harry on the birth of their new grandson." And what's amazing is old people have never said, "That's an enhanced Kiddish." You know why? Because it makes no sense. Kids hear enhanced and they get all excited. 
Old couples makes all the sense. You don't have to deal with the kids running around. You don't see the kids, but you celebrate all of their Simchas.
Youth kill congregations. I have never heard youth say, “Let me help and pick up the lollipop I threw on the carpet.” I'm with the rabbi on this new Old Movement. An Elderly Movement, I love it. I'm changing Beitar right now. Elderly Zionists. 
The Old People Youth Movement Shabbatons in the shul will consist of one program and then sleep. It's much easier than these youth conventions. I put in my resume to be the Old People Director.

In the end, nobody joined the old couples club. Not even the old people. The eighty-year-olds in our shul are insisting they're youth. I believe they said, "We're youthful." Which sounds quite amusing coming from Fran, who ran out of breath and stopped three times to finish that sentence. 
Youthful? I think they're just trying to get out of having to donate anything to the shul. They see the youth giving nothing and they want to give that.
I’m still pushing for more old people and less enhanced Kiddishes. Where, for some reason, they have more food.

Dear Dave,
And now this just happened. I know I just sent a letter, but now this happened.

I made the mistake and went to the wedding. Relative got married. So, I drove back down to New York. 
It got out that I was driving seven hours. So, my cousin thought it's a good idea to ask me to pick up his family.

Let me repeat. I'm driving seven hours to this event. I get a, "Can you pick us up?!" Like I was driving seven hours because it was my turn for the carpool. 
So, now I'm driving another two hours to pick up family. We're now driving nine hours. How that makes sense? I don't know. It's how carpools work in my family. Truth is, I have never driven the family carpool before, because I don't live anywhere near them.
In his mind, me driving an extra two hours is nothing. Why? Because I'm single.
We got other cousins living down the street from him. I've got siblings right by him. Can't call them. "Your sister is going to come? It's a long drive for her." Fifteen minutes. That how long the drive is for my sister. "She has to drive fifteen minutes out of her way. That's no right. She shouldn’t have to come pick me up."
The whole time, I'm thinking, "Does he not know he's talking to me right now!!!" Did I hear that correctly?! Me driving the extra two hours, now driving nine hours. Me. I have to hear that fifteen minutes is too much????!!!! I'm driving seven hours, by myself. I don't think he caught that part.

So, I of course say "yes." And still no credit. Because my sister is married.
Like I said the other day, they get credit for not showing. Them not helping, they get credit for that. "Your sister doesn't have time. She has kids."
Why do they think married people are always busy? I know a lot of very irresponsible parents. And they are not busy watching over their children. And I know this, because I go to shul.
And by the way, single people have responsibilities. They have dogs. And you won't even let them bring the dog to the wedding. How Frum Jewish weddings never let you bring a plus one.

It's at this point that I've already listened to every podcast that exists about Trump going into Iran. And I have another five hours left. Silence. Nothing to listen to other than "Karma Chameleon" for five hours.
What got me going is my aunt then asked me to pick her up. That's another forty-five minutes out of the way. So, we're up to ten and a half hours of driving, just to get there. My sister is up to sixty-five minutes. Round trip.

I appreciate my sister and her time. I just thought that I had time too. Like time existed for me. Like I had stuff to do during this thing that married people call "time." 
I would love to get some of this time stuff.

In the meantime, I'm driving around to all the married people's homes, because it turns out married people don't have the ability to pick people up.
How carpools work when I'm not driving twenty hours, I have no idea. How kids make it to baseball practice, I have no idea.
I hope nobody brings up carpools as a topic of conversation at the wedding. I will end up having to drive down to the Bronx to pick up my cousin's in-law's child for little league.
I'm going to end up doing their chores. Watch. They're talking right now, "I can't run errands today. David has freetime. He's single. What's David doing in Upstate New York. Maybe we should reach out to David. Have him drive down and pick up the milk. He’s single."

If I bring up that a married person can help, they start going off on everything married people have ever done to help. I'm hearing, "Back in kindergarten, I helped John and Samantha trace the 'c.'"

Just be fair with who you ask for what. They have to stop expecting single people to do everything.
How do I tell my family I have a life? How do I tell them, “I have my own errands to run”?

Point is, I need somebody in my life so that I don't have to pick up family. 
I have to get married. Then I'll never have to help again... I just broke into musical. I took a break and wrote a musical dream sequence. I was inspired.
If I have a family, I'll never have to help family.

If you talk to my family, please let them know I do stuff. Here's a list of things I do: Basketball, learn Torah sometimes, take care of the house, worry about the house, vacation, date, entertainment, watch a series, worry, watch another series, worry about what series I'm going to watch next, forget I had a date, go to shul when I wake up on time, work out, get more sleep, watch a few movies, go over my baseball cards because I had a hobby that I spent a lot of money on forty years ago.
Don't tell the girls I collect cards. Tell them I lift. That sounds cool. And don't tell them I help people. They hear I'm single and I help, we go on a date, they're going to ask me to pick them up.

Problem is when they hear I'm going to the Simcha. Somehow, the people who are celebrating let everybody know, "David can pick you up." They're about to get married and they make it a point to screw me over.
That's it. I'm never telling family I'm coming. I shall never RSVP again.

Is my understanding of what they expect from single people correct? Do married people ever get asked to do favors?
I'm just happy they didn't ask me to help the caterer. Nobody asked me to pick up the wedding cake on my way.

Got to run. My single friend at work just asked me to take over his shift. He said, "It wouldn't be right to ask the other guys to help, they're married and they have responsibilities."

LSimchas,
​David

Dear Dave,
Why is nothing I do as a single person appreciated? A person of single origin.

I showed up to the Bris. I was there. That's all I have to say. Somebody has to tell my family that.
They didn't forget anybody else. Just me. All married people were noticed. I know this, because my nephew went over the list of people who showed up to watch the circumcision. He named them all. "Shimi, Baruch and their families even came. And... But I don't remember you being at the Bris. And you're single. And you have nothing else to do." 
By the way, as an old single man, I can't announce, "I'm here to watch the circumcision." That's one of the things I've learned over many years of being single. Maybe it's better I wasn't on that list. As a single man, it's better for me to sign my name at a funeral than a Bris.

I went to the Bris. I was there. I feel like I have to prove it to you too. I'm sorry I didn't take pictures. If you want pictures, my cousin was loving the whole thing. She has a whole Bris album.
I didn't feel comfortable taking pictures and putting together a special Bris album. Is it fine to have dedicated Bris pictures? I don't know. I feel like there's a reason most people stick to wedding albums.

That was an eight-hour drive to Long Island. I got nothing. Not even a thank you. People drove in from Brooklyn, they got an announcement. “The family that went out of their way, on their trip to Queens…” That's what married people get. Credit for stopping by for breakfast.
No credit. I need a family, just to be remembered. To get some credit.

Even if they do remember, it's because I have free time. "He had free time. So, he drove eight hours. That's what single people do, because they have free afternoons." Like I have nothing going on. Like there isn't a new series I want to watch?!!! 

​Why do I want some credit? To feel like a person. I'm not even asking for married person credit. I'm just asking for some credit. Something. Maybe, "We want to thank the guy in the back without friends who came because he had nothing to do."

Nothing other than kids takes time. You can’t do anything good as a single. Anything good they start with, “He has free time. I would've dedicated twelve years to saving children in Sudan too. I just have a family.” No matter how much you help. “The reason your uncle came to the circumcision. He’s a failure.”
No idea why I showed up to the Bar Mitzvah either. No family points, and I'm now a creep, because they invited me. I have to stop showing up to Bar Mitzvahs and circumcisions.
Funerals. I have to show to funerals. At least I won't feel bad if the Baal Simcha doesn't give me credit.

Response to me showing to a family party, driving by myself, no sleep, missing work. “He’s single. He’s a yutz.” “It’s free time. Married people don't have that.” “He visits sick people because he’s lonely.” “He goes to nursing homes because he's hoping to meet somebody.” “He’s here because he has no job.” “He came for the free food.” I traveled through the night for the falafel party. I drove by myself, lost work with no second income in the house, because I like the garbanzos. By the time that trip was over, the expense was six-hundred-eighty-dollars. But I got a free pita. I am still trying to figure out why they had an Israeli themed Bris, naming the kid "Yankel."
The Chutzpah of it. They don't think I work, and not one of them offers to pay for my gas.
 
Married people don’t show, they get credit for that. “They have so much going on with their kids. They couldn’t come. Their hearts are here.” Do you know how much credit my siblings get for their hearts showing up to events?!
“David has no heart… Because he has no kids.”

Am I paranoid? No. They see me as a yutz with no future prospects. 
They can at least help. There is no reason they can't go around at the Bris and ask if anybody is in the process of getting a divorce.

I need to have kids just to get credit. I could stay home and get more credit and family points for sleeping. "David needs sleep. He couldn't come. You should be more like him and sleep through family events."
When you’re not there, they think you have something going on. Next time, I shall stay home. People will think I’m accomplishing stuff. My nephew might even think I was there. My absence is more present than my presence. Think about that for a moment. That's quite spiritual, Dave.
 
That’s enough for today. It’s good to get it out.

Point is that nothing you do will ever be appreciated. You can do Mitzvahs. They don't care.  Visit the sick, they think you’re hitting on them while they have pnemonia. Other than that. “The guy doesn’t even work.”
Point is it's not worth it to do Chesed. Don't help people. Helping people makes you look like you have nothing going on in your life. Hell. I am going to stop giving charity.
You want to be loved, don’t help and don’t do anything for anybody else. They will appreciate you more for that.
When you and your wife visit the sick or show to family Simchas, parties, do you guys get credit?

My advice to any single person. Don't show to family events.
If you do show up, just pop in and say, "I'm only running in to say Mazel Tov." You show up to an event to run out, that's a something. Everybody remembers that. "He came to not be here. That's our successful relative." "What does he do?" "No idea. He never has time to stay. An overachiever. Very proud of him."
You get credit for not being there.

Your advice is appreciated. Should I just stay home? Get people thinking something is going on in my life?
​If you could, please remind my nephew and his parents that I showed to his son's Bris. Also, please remind him I had a conversation with him about me being there.
Next circumcision I go to, I'm taking a lot of selfies. Bris album on my wall. 

LSimchas,
David

Announcements
The rabbi said the Gabai is not allowed to call up relatives for a first birthday party. To quote, "A child turning one is not our problem." Kal VaChomer, even more so, a two-year old’s birthday party.
Your family coming in to celebrate is great. It’s not a Simcha, even if Malkie's parents think it’s important. The shul can care less.
And nobody has to give gifts. We want to make that clear. Don't feel the need to buy the little one something pink.
 
No more dried fruit are allowed in our shul. Tu BShvat was a beautiful holiday last week. However, our congregants do not have the stomach for figs and not salted almonds.
 
The Torah holder has been fixed. They are there now. From now on, following Hagba, the Torah will be able to be placed in the holder.
This is about Kavod and future respect shown to people who are not as weak as Yankel, who can barely lift a Torah cover. We as a congregation want to apologize for giving Hagba last week to Melech Simcha. It was disrespectful. Making him sit there for forty-five minutes. He thought it was a Kavod. That changed very fast. Somebody should’ve done the Torah take away, and handed the Torah to the Galilah guy that nobody respects.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: Parents Who Celebrate What Nobody Cares About- How Malkie's Birthday Means Nothing If She Won't Remember It. Tu BShvat Stomach Aches- How Our Congregants Find A Way to Complain Even When They're Not Saying Anything. When Hagba Turns Disrespectful- A Kavod That Turns Into a Forty-Five Minute Ordeal.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Shemot 19:4-6) After leaving Egypt and seeing all the miracles, H’ tells Moshe to tell the people. “Now. If you listen, listen, to My voice and guard My covenant, you will be a treasured people from all other nations, because the land belongs to Me. And you will be a princely people. A holy nation.” Listen. Not one of you listens... That's why you're not a treasured congregation. You're a treasured people with a very poor board who wastes a lot of money.
"If you listen." You have to listen... If you don't. You have our congregation. You have our membership. And you have people who don’t know when to stand for the Amidah... Listen. For crying out loud. The one thing you're asked to do as a treasured people. Listen. And I have to deal with a people that has ADD. The Gabai makes the announcement every Shabbis. Every single time. “Page 368”... 

You have to be a holy nation. We are called on to be this. You have to work at it. You do this by listening... I have to repeat this?! Again. I always have to repeat for your guys. Listen. 368. Musaf begins on page 368...

Listening is an action we're called on to do. Mitzvahs are a actions we're called on to do. Renovations is not the action we're called upon to do. And the board has been very good at not finishing them... And losing our money. The shul treasury is gone...

You think I know what a covenant is? I don’t have that good of a vocabulary. A Breet, I understand.

‘Now.” Why now? Why after the miracles? Because you people are impossible to convince. Even once you listen, you start asking questions, like, "Is there really going to be chocolate mousse at Kiddish?"... There isn't. It's just an example. You don't even believe when we have the enhanced Kiddish... I don't know what that means. I think they just enhance the choolante with paprika...
I couldn’t even convince you to get a new awning for the shul.
That’s why H’ has to say listen twice. Has to make sure you're listening, so He doesn't have to waste His time convincing you again. "Listen. You just saw Me split the sea. You saw Me place boils on everybody. I turned water into blood. The sea. I split a sea for crying out loud, and I still don't have your attention. Water from the rock. How about that one. Now are you convinced? Will you listen now? Do I need to get David Copperfield for showmanship?! Like the Manna and quail was not enough?"
You guys don't listen. If this was Simon Says... ​We played Simon Says. He said it and... You argued he didn’t say to touch your toes. You didn’t listen...

Rabbi says listen.
Now. Let’s talk. That's what H' is saying. He finally got their attention after fifteen national miracles and holding a mountain over their heads... No. Listen. I will not repeat this. 
We are going to make a Breet. To work on... OK. Want to call it a covenant. OK. Just listen. No more renovations. You're going to do Mitzvahs right. You're going to wrap Tefillin on your arms... I thought the lace boot was a Tefillin strap...
Rabbi says to listen...

Birthdays for little toddlers is not in the covenant... Breet is covenant. That’s what Bracha says it means. 
Gd did not command us to take pictures of kids that can't place a piece of cake in their mouth. There is not Mitzvah to take a picture of a child that messed up and got frosting all over their face... It's embarrassing. 
Expecting family to come in for a two-year old’s birthday is not fair... It’s not a Bar anything... I know it’s a girl. It’s not a Bat anything. It’s not a Mitzvah. It's you trying to get out of having to pay for onesies... We celebrate twelve, because she'll remember that. She'll be able to listen at that point...

If you would’ve listened and not eaten two pounds of dried figs...
You spent the week after Tu BShvat complaining to H’ that His creation gives you stomach aches. The worst celebration, because you didn’t listen to my advice. Now you’re a constipated people...
If you were Israelis, you would appreciate it. They can handle dried fruit and nuts. They start their toddlers on peanuts, cashews, almonds, sunflower seeds... This way, they can enjoy Tu BShvat... They’re called Pitzuchim. Israelis celebrate Tu BShvat all year... Because they have the stomach for it...
You are not supporting the JNF by eating dried fruit. There are no dried fruit trees...
I have to convince you of this?! Meredith has been puking for the past week. Now do you believe me?!...
Rabbi says to eat in moderation on Tu BShvat...
​
The rabbi didn't say to give Beshalach Hagba to Melech Simcha...
You got Hagba because the Gabai doesn't like you. It was disrespect. We don’t have our Torah holder. The holes need to be fixed in the holder. It's disrespect... That was rude. Giving it to Melech Simcha. A good guy. Should’ve given the long Hagba Torah hold to Pinny. Melech Simcha is a good guy... Chas vShalom. Bernie can't even hold himself up...
And it was Beshalach last week. That was like five Haftorahs. Boy. That was long. I timed his sitting with the Torah at forty-five minutes.
Didn’t even do the Hagba to Galilah switch. Usually, the Hagba guy bullies the Galilah loser.
Melech Simcha thought he was getting a Kavod, and then he had to sit there for the longest Haftorah... Should've broken that up. The rabbis did that to get back at somebody in Babylonia. And then the Chazin sang. He was doing tunes for Av Harachamim. Who does that?!
The Chazin and the Gabai have to ask Melech Simcha for forgiveness... The rabbi says so...

I have to repeat this?! I said I wouldn't repeat it. You didn't listen again... Don't give Hagba to people you like, until the Torah holder gets fixed. You don't do that to treasured people...

It’s Segulah. Treasure. Not chosen. What is this chosen?... We were chosen yes. To be an Am Segulah. Treasured to listen to Gd and to be hated by everybody. And you never listen... I can't stand you because you don't listen... You were not chosen to not listen. Listen. I will be repeating this sermon. If I ever witness the miracle of you hearing the sermon... The congregation is hard of hearing. Bernie and Merv are aging. Sadie is ninety. If somebody would have told me. I'll talk louder...

So, what does Am Segulah mean? People hate us. That's the translation...
You give somebody Hagba and you make him hold the Torah, they hate you. You get all selfish and give Hagba to Melech Simcha. Now he’s never coming back.
A treasured people to get stomach cramps from dried fruit. A holy people with acid reflux. A treasured people who can't hear and doesn't listen. A princely people...
Treating the two-year-old like a prince. That's annoying. A reason to hate the Feldmans...

Now. Again. Page 368!!!!! Rabbi says turn to page 368.

May we merit to listen and be a holy treasured people... Page 368!!!!!!

Rivka's Rundown
The rabbi started a new game called Rabbi Says Listen. The idea is for people to listen to him and not argue. That's the game. He said it's a lot of fun. 
We once had Simon Says. It was pathetic. Simon left mid-game. He yelled, "How can I do this game if nobody listens. Do I hearing test before you bring Simon back." And then he ran. Simon talks about himself in third person. 
It was interesting that Simon was running Simon Says. He felt pegged as a child. Other kids in his class went into tech because their parents named them Alexander and Sandra.

Nobody listens. Gabai announces the Kedusha pages. We have to do it again. Never listen. They never listen. Sermons would be so much quicker if the congregants listened.
I believe I caught the sermon. Segulah. Chosen. Treasured. Hated. Rabbi hates our congregants.

So. Breet means covenant.
The rabbi made a covenant with the congregation that he can't stand them. And they have to listen.

These enhanced Kiddishes add nothing. They enhance the amount of people that show, and then I get less food. So, they add Kugel, and it's gone.

Haven’t finished renovations. We are not good at the actions. We talk about doing stuff, but we don't do. We're very good at talking. We're not good at listening and making things happen. 
The shul is now broke, because they thought the paint job needed to be done by somebody who was from the treasured people. It turns out you have to pay Feivel Moshe more when he paints.
Somebody brought up the idea of using Tim, is not Jewish. That would've been cheaper, but nobody listened. And now we're broke. And that’s why our members didn’t understand how they are part of the treasured nation.

They wanted gifts for Becky’s party. Two years old. The gift is for the Feldmans. What are they going to do with Onesies? Show up to the office in a Onesie. Messed up.
I think they wanted to save on clothes and toys for the little one. Thus, they had a party for the little girl who couldn’t even figure out how to blow out the candles. That was pathetic. We had to sit there for ten minutes trying to explain to her that she has to blow. She burped. That was it.
The rabbi now refuses to announce birthdays. He said, "We have too much to care about. I can't afford another gift." It's messed up. And you can't give used gifts when it's a party. So now, our congregation has an overflow of pink headbands with bows.
Going off on Av Harachamim, the Chazin was rubbing it in, mocking Melech Simcha. He knew Melech Simcha was sitting there, trying to hold the Torah with all of his Kavanah, trying to pretend like people aren’t laughing at him. Such a selfish showoff. The Chazin honestly has no Midot. Here, Melech Simcha is sitting there, looking like an idiot, and the Chazin is putting on a show. I’m just worried Melech Simcha will never be respected by his kids again.
In school, the kids were all talking about how strong their dads were. Melech Simcha’s kids always won, talking about their dad and his Hagba skills. That argument is over. Now Pinny’s kids are like, “My dad did Galilah. Made your dad do Hagba and sit there. Your dad works for my dad.” And Melech Simcha’s kids just sat there. Like their dad. He can’t come back to our shul after that.

Sitting next to Fran, she lets loose even without dried fruit. The dried fruit made it so bad. All of Shabbis, I had to hear it.
I went to sit on the other side of the shul, and people were asking why I moved. I told them, "Tu BShvat. Fran had Tu BShvat."
I hope Tu BShvat goes away by next week. Tu BShvat in our shul is a kind of stomach disease.

Punished with Hagba and no Torah holder. That was rude. They raise his hopes. He thinks he's important. And then everybody's looking at him still sitting there, like him like he's a loser. 
They have you sit there. Just holding the Torah for half hour. Whole time you’re thinking, “I hope it doesn’t drop.” They should just put it back right away. It's a punishment. They sit you in the corner and tell you it's a Mitzvah. They're all going out for schnapps, and you're stuck there holding the Torah with a hangover.

Rabbi started a Simon Says Shiur. The Rabbi Says Listen. He told them to follow in the Chumash. Not one person did it. He had to kick everybody out.

​Let's take a stroll down memory lane to David complaining about Chabad spreading Mitzvahs like Tefillin, community give food to the needy, all while not being sure if all the graves on the highway in Tiveria are of Tzadikim, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing a picture of him wishing he had his nephew's toy car.

And we want to thank David for his extremely long captions. To quote David, "A picture is only a thousand words if you write them."

These questions were asked at my Seder last night from first time Tu BShvat Seder attendees who were confused it wasn't a Pesach. 
We had a lot of questions at our Tu BShvat Seder. People heard Seder and they thought they’re supposed to interrupt. Here are some of the questions they asked at our Tu BShvat Seder when I was trying to move past the dried apricots portion. We had already connected to Gd through Mishmish.

What happened to only having one Seder?
Why did the Jews leaving Egypt only have one Seder, until the Kabbalists came along?
Isn’t the Pesach Seder long enough?
Did Gd split a date tree too?
We live in Rochester. Is there another Seder tomorrow night too?
Why do we only tell the date joke this night?
Why do people repeat the date joke about getting dates more than once on this night, when on all other nights date puns are annoying?
Why are dates hurting my stomach?
Why are we using plastic dishes and plastic cups for our Seder?
How does plastic dishes on a plastic tablecloth celebrate trees?
Is there anything that is not plastic here to celebrate the earth?
Where does plastic grow?
Why are children not asking questions?
Why have four questions just come from a twenty-eight-year-old? Does she not know where plastic grows?
Where are the kids?
Why didn’t anybody tell me that Seders are not just for Pesach? I was wondering why we’re celebrating so early.
Should I get my Haggadah? If I would've known, I would've brought my Haggadah.
Why do you think I spent twelve hours cleaning for Tu BShvat?
Why did I make my house Kosher for Tu BShvat and throw out all my meat and dairy products if I didn’t have to?
Why didn’t you tell me there was no commandment to burn all non-vegetarian food?
If it’s a Jewish holiday, shouldn’t we at least have Tam Tams?
Were we slaves to dried fruit?
Did the Jews in Egypt also get stomach cramps from dried apricots?
Thank you for leaving the four cups of wine in. Is wine what makes it a Seder?
​Why is it on this night that we have a Seder with no brisket?
And where are the Tam Tams? I miss those things on Pesach. 
Why do Tam Tams look like Matzah, but they're not Matzah?
Why is wine the only part of the Seder that is similar to the Passover Seder?
Was this Seder an excuse to drink?
Is that why the Arizal came up with this Seder?
Why did he not just drink and call it a Farbregen? That sounds like a religious thing.
Then why are we drinking four cups of wine? 
If this is Pesach, we're eating too many legumes?
Is this Pesach? I'm still confused.
We didn't do the apricot portion of the Seder last Pesach. Did we still fulfill the telling of the story of leaving Egypt?
Why on this night is the salt not in water?
Why on this night are all nuts not salted?
What happened to salted almonds and cashews?
Why do I like salted nuts?
Why did you not serve those?
Why do almonds not taste that great without salt?
What is a Mishmish?
I'm very confused already. Why do I have to learn Hebrew names of vegetation now?
Why did nobody answer any of my questions get answered?

That last question didn't get answered either. They also didn't explain that this isn't a Pesach Seder, and we don't encourage questions when we're focused on eating dried figs.

Announcements
All Minyins will be in shul. Even when it’s snowing outside. The rabbi says Zoom is not considered a location. And thus, we cannot have a Minyin there, even if Rebecca says so. To quote, "The cyber universe is not a place, even if there are cyber planets within. The Torah was not given to the cyber people. Thus, we will not be having Zoom Minyins. To note, we also don't count bots for a Minyin."
 
Due to Rebecca, the rabbi has Asured the Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah WhatsApp group. To quote, “Our congregants are idiots.” It is also forbidden to post on any community thread about Jewish stuff until you check with the rabbi that it is Jewish stuff. 
 
Everybody is still getting used to Harold’s mustache. We want to commend Harold on not giving up and keeping the thing. We have counted, and there have been upwards of twelve-hundred comments about how that thing looks like an animal on his face.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: What Counts for a Minyin- How Missing Shul and Turning on Your Computer Was Not Commanded in The Torah. Why Nobody Should Listen to Rebecca- How Your Opinions Aren't Jewish. Harold’s Mustache- A Study in Awkward Hair Growth on His Face in Halacha.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
My friend asked me if they sang in Israel this week. And of course they did. The final hostage is home, and a song of unity...
Yes. They asked Moshe if there weren’t enough graves in Egypt... We have graves here in Topeka. There are graves everywhere. I don't know if the Jews thought that the rest of the world had no graves.... Yes. They were being sarcastic. Anything in question that doesn't have a question mark is sarcasm. Do I enjoy being here... Do I enjoy answering that question. Bad grammar is sarcasm... 
My friend's question was a real one. And they sung Acheinu...

(Shemot 14:24) The Egyptians said, “Let us flee from the Israelites, for Gd is fighting for them against Mitzrayim.” Not a fair fight. I know... Why does it have to be fair? The question is what is right. It's not fair that I have to deal with your questions. Your dumb questions, and they're not even sarcastic. And your off tune singing. It's not fair...
If H' is stepping in, maybe you step down. You let don't let your ego get in the way. Even the Egyptians knew when to stop. You disband the board... And they didn't stop and they went in the sea and died. Like our membership, who has killed fun and connection to Gd...

(Shemot 15:1) “Then Moshe and the children of Israel sang.” “Then.” Were they not singing before?... No, they weren’t. Pessy. They were suffering enough. They didn’t have to hear congregants singing too. The worst voices in this place... I am thinking we should skip Kedusha... It’s not OK to skip Kedusha Rebecca. There she goes again. I am talking about having to hear you sing Kedusha. Our shul should just say stuff. No singing. Put the Torah back in the Aron and say Etz Chayim Hi...

(Shemot 15:21) Miriam tells the women, “Sing to God for He is most exalted; horse and rider He cast into the sea.” She didn’t look to the men of our shul to help out... Because that’s not redemption. That would be a curse. She wasn't trying to make things sound worse. She was trying to drowned out the men. If they sounded anything like the back left during Kedusha...
When we overcome. We sing. When it’s over. When we feel that pure connection to Gd. Not tainted by the enemy or bad harmony. We can sing. We are now free... We are free because I don't hear any of our members singing right now...
They sang. They didn’t ask questions about graves then. Moshe didn’t have to deal with questions for a day... And he sang too. He had freedom for a day. Yes. Moshe had an excellent voice when he sang. He wasn't a great talker. But his singing voice. Great range...
Miriam’s song was responsive. Because women sing better than men. They know how to listen before they harmonize, unlike the men at our Minyin...
Ran Gvili is back. Our nation can sing today...

You all want fairness and equality. Not one of you want moral. Like the Mitzrim. You follow your feelings. Blasphemous feelings about Zoom Minyins... Even your Minyins aren't from Gd. How can you do a Minyin and still be anti-Gd... Rebbeca. Exactly. That’s how you end up in the sea. Are there moral people here... That was sarcastic... The question is when will there be truth. When we're not clouded by darkness and we can see Gd, we can sing...

We can’t sing on Zoom. There is a lag. It doesn’t work. The harmony is worse than shul. I didn't think that was possible...
So now snow ended Yiddishkeit? Is that what I’m seeing on the group chat?!
Minyin has to be at shul... Why is Rebecca on the thread anyways?! It’s a Minyin thread and... You don’t count for Minyin either Rebecca. Even if you suggest it...
Rebecca. You also suggested to drive on Shabbis. And then you suggested that men and women sit together. Do you not know this is an Orthodox shul... I understand there are a lot of heretics here. But we follow Halacha. The congregants don’t. But the shul does. It's a Halachik shul of people who don't follow Halacha. And that is why we have the board making decisions... That was sarcastic, and it wasn't even a question...
To quote the rabbi emeritus, "Until Zoom costs three million dollars, and Sadie Feinberg dedicates it, it's not a place to Daven. When Zoom has a board, you can make the decision then..." 
You can see Gd when it's snowing...
​
No more groups. No more community groups. No more social media... We are going to learn Torah from Sefers. From books... Because when you do something online, the next thing you know, our sanctuary is in somebody’s living room. And we’re having Minyin while Shloimi’s wife is telling him to take out the trash. Because Rebecca suggested it... If we could get Shloimi to take out the garbage before Minyin, maybe we could think of having a Zoom service... Services are not Minyins. They're prayers for not religious people...
The lesson. Never listen to congregants.

The one thing people should listen to is congregants’ comments on Harold’s mustache...
I commend Harold. Kol Hakavod. I wouldn’t be able to grow one of those. I don’t think I could weather an eight-month storm of comments about my face. I'm going to keep the beard... Because nobody comments on beards. They just say, “I didn’t know you had that.” They don’t say, “Are you living in the ‘70s?” “You’re like Tom Sellek if women were not attracted to him.” “Did a gerbil die on your face."
I'm not shaving my beard. The double chin...
If Rebecca said “you shouldn’t come to shul looking like Harold” OK.

Rashi teaches Az Yashir, “Then, when he (Moshe) saw the miracle, it entered his mind that he should sing... And he sang.”
You have to see the miracle. I see a miracle when I have congregants that think Zoom is a place... It would be a miracle if Zoom was a shul... Because it's impossible, Rebecca. Like it's COVID... You won't catch COVID from Bernie. You'll catch an annoying conversation and bad jokes. If you come to shul, you'll catch a lot of really bad voices...
The crazy thing is they’ve been singing in Israel even when dealing with our enemies. "Am Yisrael Chai." That’s how strong our nation is now. We sing when being chased. Because we are in Israel. Once you’re in Israel, you are free... Stuff is very expensive. But you’re free. Why I had to answer that.
They sing all the time. We are living in the "then." We are past Zoom. And they complain about the price of cottage cheese...
You people should never sing. You’re not in Israel. There is antisemitism. And you have bad voices. And you can’t harmonize...

(Shemot 15:26) “If you listen to Gd’s voice...” Gd's voice is beautiful. The reason you people get sick is you’re a bunch of sinners. And you sing bad... And you complain...

Oh. After the song and the miracle, the Jews complained right away... Why. Because they couldn’t find a decent water filter. Is that not like our sisterhood...
I understand Miriam led the women in song… No, Rebecca. Women cannot lead services. We are an Orthodox shul. And Miram was Orthodox…

Rivka's Rundown
The rabbi turned that singing lesson around real fast. I think he manipulated what we learn from the splitting of the Sea because he didn't want to hear us sing.
The rabbi complaining about us singing is tantamount to the Jews complaining about dying in the desert. That's the main lesson of this week's Drasha.

Our congregants connected to the Jews complaining at the bitter waters, right after the Egyptians drowned. They complained right after the sermon.

I'm getting the feeling the rabbi’s whole sermon was sarcastic.
Maybe not the whole sermon. The not singing was straightforward. How bad we sound wasn’t sarcastic, until he asked Merv if he would like to lead Adon Olam. Suggesting Merv sing anything and it not being painful is sarcasm.

"'Then.' Were they not singing before." That delivery. Perfect sermon delivery. Only our rabbi. So brilliant.
He asked that question without a question mark. But it was not sarcastic, which was confusing. All the congregants could talk about during Kiddish was which stuff was sarcastic. What was a real question or a sarcastic one. I don't think they heard anything else during the Drasha. Just questions without question marks. They couldn't figure any of it out.
And that is where it gets hard for our Rav. If you have a brilliant rabbi and fools for congregants, the sermon doesn't get heard.

Ran Gvili being home. Buried in Israel. It means everything to our people.

We never see the rabbi emeritus. Yet, the rabbi quotes him all the time. Whenever the rabbi wants to say something and doesn't want an argument from the board, he quotes this rabbi emeritus. I don't think he exists.

Rebecca is a fool. It’s complicated when you have to explain to the MInyin what a Minyin does.
I think the rabbi likes the members that don’t keep Halacha more than the members that are Shomer Shabbis. However, when the nonShomer Shabbis members show up to shul, he likes them less. I think the rabbi just doesn’t like seeing anybody at shul. If they don't show to shul, he loves them. If they're Shomer Shabbis and don't come to shul, he loves them.
Point is shul is the place where the Minyin meets. Not Zoom. And not Michael's game room. He thought it would be good to have Shacharit and billiards. Everything to these people is a program.

I am very for no more WhatsApp group lists. This way I don’t have to show up to anything, and nobody can blame me. I can just say, "Nobody reminded me.”
With all the group reminders, you have to show. If you have an excuse, you can get out of it. But I haven't figured out how to use my lack of wanting to see the people during the week too as an excuse yet. I've tried telling them I don't like seeing them on Shabbis.
The rabbi is right. Congregants should not be allowed to post ideas on social media without his approval. I listened to a congregant say that, because of that impossible to open renovated door, to get into shul we have to go through a different door. I ended up in the Mikvah. Not one of them said, "We should fix the door." That's a post that would've made sense.

The shul gave an award to Harold for not giving up. The Persistence Award in the Face of Looking Like an Idiot. He kept the mustache. Listened to nobody. And now he looks like an idiot.
The rabbi is definitely self-conscious about his double chin. You can see it through the beard.

After dealing with all the congregants and hearing them complain again, the rabbi had second thoughts on turning our shul not Orthodox and having services on Zoom. As the rabbi said, "You can't have a Minyin on Zoom. You can have services on Zoom, because not religious Jews have services."
I can see the rabbi giving into Rebecca if she pays extra money. The rabbi would lead a Zoom service if he got a raise. He would be fine leading a service. He would turn off the video, sit in bed with his long johns.
Watch this, next week he's going to start Zoom classes. Once he realizes he doesn't have to see the congregants in person, he's going to love it. He'll find a way to do everything on Zoom. He'll bring COVID back.