Accusing Israel Of What?!

by David Kilimnick

I'm assuming they're very anti-traffic lights. They must've got a ticket. I was the same way when I got a ticket. Getting charged seventy-dollars, I was protesting everywhere.

They're still accusing Israel of aggression. So, I figured I would put together some of the arguments against the lies again. It's a tradition to re-argue against the lies every half a year. We have to do this almost as often as we vote in Israel.
If accusing Israel of stuff they didn't do bothers you, I’m guessing antisemitism bothers you. Good luck. In the meantime, here are some myths I noticed surfacing this year. I’ll give you some ways of debunking them so you can be friends with people that hate you again.
I apologize if you're offended by my calling terrorists.

Genocide
Fools are calling Jewish defense of Israel genocide.
You're truly not trying to kill a people when you're knocking on their doors, warning them you're planning a surprise attack.
Israel is always trying to give warning to civilians to get out. Israeli soldiers are knocking on doors, "Excuse me. Just wanted to say 'Shalom.' We hear there is a terrorist in your house. We didn't want to disturb anybody. Pleases let them know we're attacking tomorrow at 12:13pm, to be exact. It's a surprise attack. Might be a couple minutes late. We don't want to shock anybody." And most of the time, out of politeness, the soldiers ring the bell.
They're dropping flyers with information on where to go. Inviting the terrorists to rock concerts. It's the most friendly attack. We send leaflets letting them know there's a terrorist living in their home. We announced on the radio that people were drilling under their homes, just in case they didn't contract for renovations. We didn't want the Gazans to have to pay for work on their home they didn't want. Israel even calls their cellphones, just in case their kids never call. First rule in honoring your parents is you call.
We have commanders on loud speakers. "Everybody get out of the area. We're going to be bombing here. If you're a member of Hamas, now is the time. The IDF will be here tomorrow... Sorry. We didn't mean to wake anybody up. We’re sorry if we’re disrupting any production of explosives. Keep safe. Toodeloo."
And the people of Gaza have multiplied eightfold since 1948. Now numbering over two million people who are trying to kill us.

Torture
They're saying Israeli soldiers are torturing the prisoners.
Singing "Am Yisrael Chai" is not torture, even if they're doing that Hora hand dance with it. Singing a song about the Jewish people and our ancestors living is not an evil act, even if the UN calls it a war crime. That's unless if the people from my shul are signing. My community singing anything is wrong. Very off tune.
I must admit, the hand dance does come off as gloating.

There Was a Palestinian State
No. There wasn't. Never.

Rape is Fine if It's Against Jews
No. It's not. At least I don't think so. I might be wrong here. I don't associate with the feminist movement.

FIDF is Anti-Israeli Soldiers
FIDF stands for Friends of the Israel Defense Forces. I also thought it was against the IDF when I heard it the first time. It's not 'F the.'

Jews Try to Be Funny
Jews take a chance at being funny.
Fact: Sometimes they're not.

Israelis are Aggressors
They claim Jews are aggressors.
Have you ever seen Israeli Folk Dancing? You can't be an aggressor while dancing like that. You can't do a "Mayim BSason" twirl and scare people.
We've been accused of being aggressors ever since we got attacked in the late 1800s for making Israel livable. Sorry. Palestine. I didn't mean to offend anybody's hatred of Jews.
It seems like some of the Arabs and BBC don't understand the definitions the way I do. Correctly. The way the dictionary defines the words. The meaning of the words that they are using. With punctuation used. The intended application. The English language.
They're calling Jews aggressors for dancing. Saying Jews have committed genocide by trying to save lives of people who are housing terrorists. Maybe they just understand English differently. English is not their first language. Nor is it the New York Times'.

Apartheid
This must mean "allowing foreign people to come into your land and work, even if they want to kill you." I believe that's the Oxford definition.

ELAL is Giving Deals
No. ELAL is charging as much as possible. Fact. They are loving the war.

The Death Toll in Gaza is...
I believe the death toll is up to 12 million Gazans now.
I'm not making fun of death. Innocent people dying is a tragedy. I'm trying to understand arithmetic and how more people have been killed than there are.
They're throwing numbers out there and the BBC and CNN are going with it. You can't just say people are dying if they don't exist. Again, I'm feeling stupid. Metaphysically, someone who was never born is dead. That must be it. Over ten million Gazans were never born because of Israel. I'm just not as spiritually in touch as news anchor.
We need death rules: a) You have to be dead to be considered dead. b) You can't die more than once. You die. That's it. You're dead. I saw one kid die fourteen times. It's a tragedy. Fourteen of them. And I feel bad for the kid. c) You can't not be dead and be dead. I saw a video where the guy was laying there, dead. He then, flipped the sheet off, reached up and got a Coke from his friend. The hardship that guy went through. Do you know what it's like to be dead with a parched throat. To think he had an itch under the sheet as well. A dead person shouldn't know of such things. Another dead guy jumped off the stretcher at his own funeral and started running. The guy was sprinting. The most in shape dead guy I've ever seen. I believe that was number 13 million and 2. Another million have died since publishing this article. Hamas reported it.

People Like Carlebach Minyins
Myth: Some people like to sing for five hours in shul. Fact: It turns out Jews want to get out of shul.
Speaking of crimes against our people. If Israelis were making the Gazans sit through a Carlebach service, I would side with the UN.

Occupiers
They say Jews are occupiers. They say that us being in Israel is "the occupation."
My father A"H told me that his mother always said that "a Jewish boy should have a good occupation."
Anything sounds bad when you add "the" in there. "The vote." When was that? It ruined so many lives. If they just called it "Nakba" they'd be celebrating. They'd be thanking Jordan, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon. Even the Egyptians. It's the fact that they always say "The Nakba."

Israel Has Elections All the Time
That's true.

The People of Gaza are Innocent
They say the people who voted for Hamas have nothing to do with Hamas.
Is this why they were cheering when they heard Jews were killed. Is this why they were having parties when they saw an Israeli woman raped. Sorry. I don't have a joke for this one yet.
Arab villages in the settlements had fireworks going off on October 7th. It seemed like thousands of people got married specifically that night. Maybe they thought it was a football match.

I hope this helps.
There is more. They say Israel is committing war crimes, singing songs like "Am Yisrael Chai" which the Geneva Convention banned. And they say that the people of Israel are divided. Nobody is taking this war that seriously. It's not the Supreme Court we're talking about.
It's hard to fight the propaganda when you're being attacked by a people whose number one weapon is their three year old child. Hamas is using them as shields, shooting them out of cannons, killing them fourteen times.
They one thing they accurately claimed is attempted genocide, already on October 8th. Hamas tried. Many have tried. But we stand strong, from the river to the sea.
"Am Yisrael Chai." There I go. Committing genocidal war crimes.